Someone Like You
by TheCaneOfBates
Summary: They met, they fell in love then they parted. So what happens when they meet again years later? Their circumstances have changed, but have their feelings for one another?
1. You know how the time flies

_**A/N- Another attempt at Modern AU fiction by me. Playdate is still very much ongoing, I am planning where I am taking that in great detail at the moment, but this idea has always been in my mind and it was briefly alluded to in my one shot, Off Limits. I had a devil of a time wondering where to take that and after weeks of thinking, this is the result. I'm not saying this will lead directly onto that one shot, but the idea of John and Anna being with other people whilst being in love with each other is one that has always intrigued me.**_

 _ **I think I've worried too much about their ages, but have decided to go with the ages of the actors who play them in Downton- that's a 17 year age gap if I have their date of birth's correct. I got two different years for Joanne Froggatt's, so went with the one that came up most often.**_

 _ **I've decided to take it the route that John and Anna were together once, then broke up for reasons which will become clearer as the story unfolds but in the time apart their lives and circumstances have changed. It uses flashbacks, which I know have become quite common in some wonderful stories on here recently. I just hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes with my efforts here. If you enjoy, please do review. Your comments on my stories and follows, in particular for Playdate have been most appreciated, thank you.**_

 _ **We'll start with a little taster…**_

 _ **Disclaimer- Downton belongs to Julian Fellowes/ Carnival/ ITV**_

* * *

 _ **2001**_

 _Anna groaned appreciatively as she sat on what seemed like the only empty stool in the whole club, next to the bar. Heels had seemed like a good idea at seven that evening, but now as the clock ticked to half past eleven, she was questioning the decision. Her two best friends, Gwen and Daisy had been keen to give her a twenty first birthday to remember. However, despite the amount of alcohol they had consumed, she wasn't sure they would remember much of it._

' _This has been a great night,' Gwen enthused as she stood beside her friend. Only being in their early twenties, their experience of great nights out wasn't the most extensive, but Anna had to agree she wouldn't have rather spent her birthday any other way._

' _Oh, I love this song.' It felt like Daisy had said that about every single song she had heard this evening, as the beats of Can't Get You Out Of My Head by Kylie filled the club. Anna rolled her eyes, shaking her head as her friend began to move to the music. In the next moment, Daisy was taking Anna's and Gwen's hands in hers. 'Come on girls, lets get to the floor, shall we?'_

' _You two go,' Anna insisted, looking behind her to see the barman quite close. 'I'll buy a round, seeing as you two have bought every other one tonight.'_

' _Only if you're sure,' Daisy exclaimed, dragging Gwen towards the crowd of enthusiastic revellers gathered by the DJ box._

 _Laughing as she watched her friends lose themselves in the music, Anna turned around on her stool and concentrated on the task in hand. After reaching into her bag for her purse, Anna looked up and it was then that it happened. Standing a couple of people down from her, she was met with the most gorgeous, deep brown eyes she had ever witnessed. The man who they belonged to was smirking in Anna's direction, a gesture which caused her stomach to flutter. She felt warm under his intense stare, although Anna couldn't bear to look away. He was some years older than her, that was clear. Late thirties perhaps but that didn't seem to matter. His smile was intoxicating. Then suddenly, he was gone and Anna shook herself back to the present. The barman was standing directly in front of her now, trying to garner her attention._

' _What can I get you?'_

 _He had to get to her, to hear her voice. As soon as John had laid eyes on the young, blonde woman, he had been intrigued. Perhaps being dragged out on his friends Stag Night didn't have to be a wasted evening after all. She was beautiful, everyone else in the club paled into insignificance. He noticed her, chatting to the barman, laughing softly. God, she was magnificent._

' _That will be nine pounds seventy, please…'_

' _I'll get that.'_

 _Anna turned to see the man who had just been staring at her, opening his wallet and handing the barman a ten pound note. She watched his hand as he waited for his change, before she looked up to meet his eye once more._

' _Hi,' John said, the smile he was wearing evident in his tone as well._

' _Hi,' Anna breathed, her knees suddenly turning to jelly. Now she was in close proximity to the man, he was more handsome than Anna had realised. And tall, really tall. His dark brown hair was slicked back and his eyes seemed almost green now she could gaze into them more easily. Realising the silence between them was stretching to an awkward level, Anna looked at the three drinks which were waiting for her. 'Thanks, for these.'_

' _My pleasure,' the man growled, 'they can't all be for you, surely?'_

 _Anna giggled nervously at his suggestion. 'No, no. I am out with my friends tonight. They are dancing at the moment.'_

' _Right,' he nodded, looking in the direction of the dance floor. 'You didn't want to join them?'_

' _I would but I fear the heels I am wearing have defeated me.' He laughed at that, Anna deciding in that moment it was the most wonderful sound she had ever heard._

' _Is it a special occasion?'_

 _She nodded before answering. 'It is my twenty first birthday.'_

 _John's eyes widened at her admission. Perhaps it was the way she was dressed, but he would never have had her down as being that young. Maybe it would be best to quit whilst he was ahead. But something about her had drawn him in. It had been an instant attraction, a magnetic pull almost. John found he couldn't ignore that._

' _Well, congratulations,' he offered warmly. 'Happy birthday.'_

' _Thank you,' she replied, the grin she afforded him causing his heart to beat that little bit quicker._

 _Then she held out her hand. John released a breath as he looked down, wrapping his fingers around hers. Her hand was so much smaller than his, it seemed crazy that they were a perfect fit. But they were. That was how it felt. The sensation of her skin on his nearly did him in, John having to clear his throat as she gently squeezed his hand in hers._

' _Anna. Anna Smith.'_

 _Ah yes, introductions. They could know each other's names surely, even though their differences in age meant nothing could ever happen. Could it?_

' _John Bates. Nice to meet you, Anna.'_

' _And you, John.'_

 _After a moment, John was guiding her to somewhere more secluded, Anna more than willing to follow. He helped her carry her drinks and they placed them on a table that had been deserted of chairs._

' _Who are you with?' Anna asked as stirred her drink with the straw in the glass._

' _Just some guys from work, they are in that scrum by the DJ box.' John placed his hands in his pocket, feeling a little guilty for monopolising her time whilst she was out celebrating with her friends. 'Will your companions find you here?'_

' _They'll be dancing for a while yet, it will be fine.' John nodded in understanding, unable to take his eyes from her as she took a sip from her drink. 'So, what do you do?'_

 _John inhaled a breath, recognising the usual dance of chatting some one up. 'I am a police officer.'_

' _Really?' Anna almost choked on her drink. Whatever his profession was, she wasn't expecting that. 'That's impressive.'_

 _He cocked his head to the side, blushing from her compliment somewhat. 'And you.'_

' _Nothing as nearly as impressive as that, I'm afraid. I work in a clothes shop in Ripon, I manage the shop on a Saturday.'_

' _Don't put yourself down,' he smiled warmly. 'I'm sure you are very good at your job.'_

' _Well, I do like to think I know what people look good in.'_

' _Okay, well why don't you critique my appearance?' John took a step back as Anna winced._

' _No, I'm not falling into that trap.'_

' _Come on,' he bent down, leaning closer to Anna. 'I won't be offended.'_

 _Relenting, Anna placed her drink down and released a sigh. 'Oh, alright.' She over emphasised her observation, clutching her chin between her thumb and index finger, humming as she thought for effect. He was wearing a black sweater on top of a white shirt, dark blue jeans and brown boots._

' _Smart, casual.' She placed her mouth around her straw, taking another sip of her drink before looking up at him under her long eyelashes. 'In need of a woman's touch ever so slightly, perhaps.'_

 _He had to grin at that, the fact a woman as beautiful as she was flirting with him made him feel a little good about himself. He lifted his eyebrows before replying. 'Perhaps.'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

As he navigated the roundabout, John heaved a heavy sigh as his wife continued the rant she had begun before they had even left the house.

'I just wish you'd warned me before you told me we were going out for dinner. I might have had a chance to buy myself a new outfit.'

'It was meant to be a surprise, Vera,' John tried to explain, relieved to see their destination on the right hand side of the road. 'If I had told you it might have taken away the surprise element, wouldn't you say?'

'Perhaps.' John allowed himself a small smile at her word. 'But all I had to wear was this old dress.'

As he stopped at the red light, indicating to turn left, John afforded his wife a glance. 'If I told you I thought you looked lovely this evening, would it help?'

'Lovely.' Her tone was dissatisfied, and John was quickly realising that was probably the worse adjective he could use to describe his hard to please spouse. 'Lovely? There was a time you couldn't get enough of me, couldn't keep your hands off me. I was irresistible. Now I just look lovely.'

Setting the car into motion once more, John decided his best course of action was to probably stop talking. Nothing he said was ever good enough. Once the car was parked, John got out then opened the back passenger door, retrieving his cane. He could almost hear Vera rolling her eyes as took hold of the walking aid.

'We're only walking into the restaurant to sit down,' Vera chided him, John deciding to ignore her as he locked the car.

It didn't get any better once they were sitting. There was nothing on the menu Vera liked. The room smelt. Her drink was warm. The table was too close to the kitchen. It was too hot. John just nodded in the right places, offering the waitress polite and apologetic smiles as Vera took out her frustrations on the young woman.

Often he wondered why he stuck this out, the being reminded every day he wasn't good enough. But the truth was despite her faults John loved Vera. He wouldn't have married her if he didn't. But the past couple of years, especially since he was injured, had been difficult. John suspected her infidelity on a daily basis, but just couldn't find it within himself to do anything about it. Since what happened to him, nothing seemed to matter.

'Well, what a surprise. My meal is cold.'

John shook his head, responding through gritted teeth. 'Is anything right with this evening, darling?'

'You should have told me you were planning to take me to dinner for our anniversary. I could have chosen the place.'

'One of the guys at work recommended this place, said it was really nice. And I happen to agree with him. Just because you are in a bad mood…'

'Damn it John,' Vera's hand slamming on the table made him jump. She had such a temper. In the next moment, Vera was calling for the attention of their waitress. John saw the young woman gearing herself up for what was coming next. 'I want to see the manager. My food is cold.'

'Very well.'

The waitress disappeared, John thoroughly embarrassed at the scene Vera was causing, looking beside him at their fellow diners. 'Why can't we just have a normal evening out?'

'Good evening, Madam. I hear everything is not to your satisfaction.'

That voice, it was familiar, a sound that he thought he would never be fortunate to hear again. It was then that John lifted his head from his wife to look at the manager. He couldn't believe his eyes. John felt his heart constrict in his chest, his mind was moving at one hundred miles an hour. Anna.

As the customer spoke, Anna averted her gaze for a moment, but when she took in who was also at the table, it was as if everything else around her was melting away. She couldn't believe it. He was older, he was greying at the temples but he still had the most gorgeous eyes, the eyes that had won her heart over fifteen years ago.

'Well, you're obviously not listening to me so I'll just go and wait in the car.' Vera rising to her feet halted their moment, she holding her hand out to John. 'Keys John.' Shaking his head, John reached into his pocket for his keys before placing them in Vera's hands. She marched away from the table calling after her as she went. 'I'll wait for you in the car. And I won't be recommending this God awful place to anyone I know.'

Once she had left the restaurant, John felt ashamed as he felt Anna's gaze boring into him. 'I'm sorry.'

'Never mind that,' Anna said excitedly, encouraging him to stand up. 'Give me a hug.'

She didn't understand how much her request meant to John. The terms on which they had parted, the words he had said. Despite pushing it to the back of his mind, the guilt and regret had never left him. Feeling her arms around his shoulders, John was transported back to a time in his life when he felt alive and free. Like he could do anything.

'So, how have you been?' Anna asked, taking his left hand in her own.

And it was then they both saw them, both saw the symbols that meant they belonged to another. Of course that woman was his wife. Husband's took their wives to dinner. Of course she would have met someone else, someone more suited to her than he.

Clearing his throat, John released Anna's hand, propriety getting the better of him. He reached for his cane, heaving himself to his feet. 'You know, muddling along.'

John noticed her expression when she saw his cane, but a look of surprise soon turned to one of understanding. She had known the line of work he had been in, known the dangers it posed.

'I thought you were in London.'

'I was, but I missed Yorkshire.' John shrugged his shoulders before smiling. 'Anyway, I thought you were in Australia.'

'I was, but I came back here for the same reason you did.'

Silence fell then before John reached into his pocket for his wallet. 'How much do I owe?'

'Don't worry about it,' Anna shook her head. 'Your wife wasn't satisfied, this one is on me.'

'Only if you sure.'

'I am.' She placed a hand on his forearm and their gaze locked. That rush that Anna used to feel whenever she looked at John was still there. It was as if they had never been apart.

'Goodbye Anna,' John whispered weakly , the moment they had just shared leaving him completely overwhelmed. Moving away from the table, it would have been too painful to look back at her over his shoulder. He never thought he would see her again. And now he was walking out of her life again.

* * *

Not much was said on the drive home. John was glad of that. His head was full with thoughts of Anna. If he was honest, a memory of her was always present in the back of his mind, a small beam of light that reminded him of how his life could have been. She was still stunning, still beautiful.

Now in bed, Vera sleeping by his side, John allowed himself to drift back to that time in his life, a time when Anna was his. She had made him feel so many things Vera had never come close to making him feel. And it was seeing her again tonight that hammered home that fact. He had let the most precious, wonderful thing ever to happen to him slip through his fingers. And for what? Because of what other people thought, because he believed he was doing her a favour in the long run?

But what was the point of dwelling on it? Dwelling on it wouldn't change anything. John laughed to himself. Who was he kidding?

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

'He's an old friend, Ben. What more do you want me say?'

'You looked very cosy holding hands there.'

Anna slumped down on the chair at the kitchen table in defeat. 'You won't listen to me so what's the point?'

'I'm going out,' he replied, snatching the car keys from the table.

'Going where?' Anna called after him. But all she was met with was the slam of the front door.

Placing her head in her hands, Anna tried to let the events of the evening wash over her. It was enough that her first love come back into her life in such a way, but for her husband to allow his jealous streak come to the fore. It was tough.

Ben had given up a lot for Anna, she knew that. But his outbursts like this were becoming more and more frequent. However, Anna knew he would calm down, probably arrive home in a few hours and apologise. It would all blow over.

As her nerves settled after their argument, Anna let herself think about John. It had been such a shock to see him in the restaurant she owned with Ben. He was still as handsome as she could remember, he hadn't changed a lot physically. Not really. Anna had believed he was still in London, in the Metropolitan Police. Why was he back in Yorkshire? And the cane, why did he need that? It was clear in their time apart he had been through something. She had noticed his eyes had lost that spark, that spark she had lived for only a few years ago.

But what did it matter. They probably wouldn't see each other again. He was married. She was married. They were different people now.

So why did all those old feelings come rushing back? And why couldn't Anna shake them away now? Maybe seeing him again had made Anna realise something she never liked to admit to herself.

She had settled for second best.


	2. Old Friend, Why Are So Shy?

**A/N- So glad you enjoyed the first chapter of this story. Thanks for your reviews, follows and favourites. Playdate will hopefully be updated over the weekend, I owe that story a chapter.**

 **I think it would be unrealistic to have it all be doom and gloom with John and Anna's respective spouses, despite how bad we all know Vera is. So there is a little bit of interaction with both couples in this chapter. As per the first chapter, the flashbacks are in italics.**

 **The rating bumps up to M too. Sorry 'bout that.**

 **Disclaimer-** nothing belongs to me...

* * *

 **Present Day**

The man was infuriating sometimes. Seeing an old friend after years and years had turned into three days of the silent treatment. And a refusal to go to her parents for Sunday lunch. So here Anna was, at the train station, a place where she hadn't been since she was a student, waiting to catch the midday train to York to see her parents because Ben had taken the car God knows where. She was a little early, not able to stand the silence of the house a moment longer. Her heels clicking along the platform echoed, the station practically deserted with the Sunday train service in operation.

A train pulling into the platform made Anna jump. It stopped, Anna realising it must be the train that would become hers in twenty five minutes time or so. She had decided to to take her seat when the train was emptied of passengers, at least it would be a seat to sit on when something made her look to her left. Her brow furrowed as she recognised the gentleman walking towards her, wearing the uniform of a train driver. He was using a cane, a ruck sack over one shoulder. It was John.

'Hello,' he said once he was beside her, 'fancy seeing you again.'

Anna simply stared back with a confused look on her face. 'But why... what...why are you...'

John chuckled as she stammered her way through her words, clearly trying to make sense of the situation. 'I am a train driver now. Have been for the past two years.'

'But I don't understand. You were in the police force...'

'Can't do much chasing criminals with a bullet in the knee,' John replied, matter-of-factly. Anna remained silent, turning her solemn gaze to his cane. He realised this was a lot for her to take in. 'Do you have time for a coffee?'

'I'm not sure that's a good idea...'

'I have no right to ask anything of you. But it's just a drink, Anna. That's all.'

John was pleased to see her nodding her agreement, gesturing the way towards the little cafe on the station concourse. He pulled a chair from the table for her, then insisted he would buy her coffee. It was the least he could do, he thought to himself.

'White coffee...'

'One sugar,' John completed her sentence, knowing her order from experience. She smiled and nodded coyly, running a hand through her hair which John remembered was her coping mechanism whenever he made her blush.

'Hopefully my maths skills haven't deserted me when I say you must be fifty one now.' Anna said as John returned to the table with their drinks.

John raised his eyebrows in mirth as he sat opposite her. 'Yep. And you must be thirty five.'

'Don't remind me,' Anna answered with a sigh, John chuckling softly in response. 'It's funny. Fifty one and thirty five doesn't sound as bad as twenty one and thirty seven.'

'No, it doesn't.' They simply stared at each other then, both remembering that time in their lives and what had happened to the both of them in the years since. How times had changed. How life could have been. John cleared his throat before changing the subject. 'How was Australia?'

'Warm,' she began, 'a wonderful experience. But I missed home more than I anticipated.'

'So you left the miles of golden beaches and blue skies to come home to rainy old Yorkshire?'

'Yes, it took some persuading my husband, let me tell you.'

'Oh, you met him out there?'

'Yeah,' Anna averted her gaze from John to look at her coffee cup. 'He was from Yorkshire originally as well.'

'It's a small world.'

Anna nodded. 'It certainly is. We came home a couple of years ago. He's still not happy about it.' She stopped talking then, John could sense something in her eyes. Hurt maybe? She was changing the subject in the next moment before he could question her, not that it was his place or right to know about her private affairs. 'So, how about you? I was surprised to see you here.'

'I don't see why. I've worked this shift for the last six months.'

She sensed the teasing tone in his voice and allowed a small laugh to escape her. 'You know I don't mean that. You're a train driver now. When I left you were Sergeant Bates.'

'Well, up until a couple of years ago I was,' John shrugged. 'In the metropolitan police and doing well. But it all changed when I was called to an armed robbery. I was shot in the knee, a colleague wasn't so lucky.'

She outwardly gasped, 'John, I'm so sorry.'

'I couldn't stay in London so came back up here and managed to find a completely new career, despite my leg.'

'How do you manage?'

'Well enough. I can sit down and I use my left foot for the brake. It's a pretty therapeutic job, when the trains are running on time of course.'

Anna smiled at his words. 'Why come back to Yorkshire, though? You didn't want to go back to Ireland?'

'I was at my most happiest when I lived here.' He met her eyes, 'happy memories.'

'Yeah,' Anna agreed with him, holding his gaze. 'Very happy.'

'My mother passed which is why I didn't go home. She left me some money, so myself and my wife bought a place up here. But as you saw for yourself the other night, she isn't the easiest soul to live with.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' Anna replied and God knew she meant it.

'Yeah, well I made the rod for my own back a few years ago.' John shrugged before taking a sip of his coffee, his eyes still trained in on Anna's as he drank. 'So how come you're using the train? Thought you could drive?'

'Ahh, my husband and I share the car and he's using it today. I'm off to see my parents for Sunday lunch.'

'And he's not going too?'

'It's a long story.'

'Well, it's none of my business.' Anna remained silent, staring down at the table. She was missing that zest for life which exuded from her when John had known her. It broke his heart. Looking at his watch, John saw that Anna would miss her train and he would be late for his next journey if they didn't wrap things up now. He knew it was wrong, but part of him didn't want this to be it. Reaching into his pocket he found a piece of paper, in his breast pocket a pen. He began to write. 'Look, you can screw this up if you want to, but I'd like you to take my number.'

'John, I...'

'It's completely innocent, I'm a married man, you have a husband. Just if you need to talk,' John lifted his eyes to look at Anna once more. 'Beneath it all we did have a solid friendship.'

She had to admit he was right. They just got each other from the beginning on a spiritual level, as well as a physical one. But this wasn't right, was it? Taking the number of your ex? Still, Anna found herself accepting the paper anyway. They both stood then, picking up their coffees which John had thoughtfully purchased in takeaway cups, knowing they didn't have long. John followed her out of the cafe onto the main concourse of the station. She turned to face him.

'It's been so lovely to see you again, Anna.' He began to chuckle. 'If not a little spooky for both occasions to happens so close together.'

'Yeah, it has been strange,' she stopped to look up at him, locking her gaze with his. 'But nice.'

He took her hand in his, squeezing it softly before turning on his heel and walking away. He was still so charming, so gentle in his demeanour towards her. Everything had been on her terms, no pressure, like it always had been from the beginning...

* * *

 **2001**

 _'Hi John.'_

 _It hadn't taken much. He was a weak man. Answering the door, one look at the stunning creature standing outside and he was lost. It was a special occasion, a month since their eyes had first met over a crowded bar. And since that evening John's life had changed in ways he couldn't describe. There was a chemistry between them neither could deny, evident from the beginning. She had invaded his heart and soul in such a short amount of time, her enthusiasm for life, her youthful exuberance, the way she made him feel when they were together, her kisses..._

 _She was wearing the short black dress she had been wearing when they first met, her hair was bouncing delicately upon her shoulders and the smirk she gave him as he opened the door made the breath catch in his throat. The age gap that usually plagued his mind when they were together was all but forgotten. His gaze hovered over her as Anna stepped over the threshold into his flat._

 _'You look beautiful,' John breathed as he shut the door behind her, taking her hand in his. Meeting Anna's gaze, in that moment all John wanted to do was kiss her. So he did._

 _Once in the living room, going out for dinner was the furthest thing from either of their minds as John's gentle weight pushed Anna against the arm of his sofa, their kiss electrifying as she allowed his hands to wander freely. Anna had hoped her appearance would have this effect, she couldn't get enough of the way he looked at her. There had been instances where things had got quite heated between them, but never had he taken it too far, being the gentleman that he was. Tonight, she wanted it to be different._

 _She questioned in her mind whether it was the age gap that made him act that way. They had one conversation about it early on, but Anna had dismissed his fears. What he didn't realise was she was a woman, albeit a young one and times were changing. Their being together may have raised a few eyebrows, her parents hadn't been overjoyed when she told them small details about who she was seeing, but it didn't matter to Anna. John had her completely beguiled._

 _This was the first time he had lost some semblance of control. Sure, they had kissed each other goodnight before, held each other but never had John taken things this far, finding himself almost atop Anna as she writhed seductively, almost painfully below him. And that dreaded 'elephant in the room' came to the forefront of his mind._

 _'We need to stop,' John breathed, using all the strength he could muster to break the kiss they were sharing. Anna replied by brushing her lips against his once more, moving her hand to the back of his head. 'Anna. This feels too good. We have to stop.'_

 _She huffed her disapproval as John moved to a sitting position alongside her. 'Why do we have to stop?'_

 _He turned his head to look at Anna, she looked amazing with her hair mussed, her lips swollen, her eyes filled with desire. But she was twenty one, and he was nearly thirty eight. What had been meant as a bit of fun was turning slightly more dangerous with each passing day, each passing moment they spent in each other's company._

 _John ran a hand through his hair, trying any tactic he could to garner some self control. 'Anna, I...'_

 _'Is this the age gap thing again?' He met her gaze immediately upon hearing her words. 'Because we can't do anything about it, John. I am always going to be seventeen years younger than you.'_

 _'16 years, 10 months give or take a few days, thank you. I'm not quite thirty eight yet. '_

 _They both started giggling at that, Anna leaning a little closer to him and resting her head against his as they leaned against the back of the sofa. 'I'm an adult, John. I know what I am getting myself into, I can make my own decisions. Besides, there is twenty five years between Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, and they are married.'_

 _John cocked his head away from her, considering her remark. 'Fair point. But you've told me yourself you've only been with a couple of other people, and that was a few years ago.'_

 _She leant up then, placing a hand on his cheek and turning his head to look at her. Her eyes were half lidded as she spoke, moving her lips towards his once more, stopping just short of kissing him. 'I want this, I want you. I trust you.'_

 _He closed his eyes, releasing a staggered breath. 'I am the more experienced in this situation and here you are reassuring me.'_

 _'Well teach me then, Sergeant Bates.'_

 _And with those words, any shred of self control John may have been clinging on to was completely gone. He was leaning into her again, pushing her back against the sofa, half covering her body with his. John tried to let Anna set the pace, she had undone the buttons of his shirt before he had even thought about touching her beneath her own clothes. But he wanted to do things properly, to treat Anna with the respect she deserved._

 _'Before we go any further, let me take you to bed,' John whispered, ceasing their kiss and looking into her eyes. 'Please.'_

 _Anna nodded her consent, John rising to his feet and holding out his hand for her to take. He lead her to his room, closing the door behind them. Once in these surroundings it didn't take long for proceedings to progress. Within a few minutes, Anna's naked form was beneath John's in his bed, their hands exploring the other as they shared mind blowing kiss after mind blowing kiss._

 _She wasn't normally like this with men, Anna was determined to not be one of those girls who gave themselves away freely. But it was different with him, John made her feel different. Desired. Special. And she could tell he was sincere by the way he looked at her and the way he made sure she was comfortable, the way he made sure she had felt pleasure before taking his own. It felt so good to fall apart in his hands._

 _'You are so beautiful,' John whispered in her ear as he pressed his body gently along the_ _length of hers, she still coming down from her high. They both groaned appreciatively at that, feeling their skin against one another's somewhat overwhelming. 'Flawless.'_

' _Make me yours,' she almost begged in his ear, her words causing the temperature in the room to increase ten fold._

 _He leant up on his arms then so he could meet her gaze. His eyes were so dark, and it made Anna's stomach tighten in anticipation. John prepared himself, making use of the precautions he kept in the drawer beside his bed, before he was upon her again. Moving himself to her entrance, John took her hand in his before ever so gently pushing into her. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as his presence stretched her before she opened her legs a little wider, taking him in fully, wrapping her legs around his waist. The sound that left him was one that Anna never wanted to forget. To know she was affecting him in such a way felt amazing. He stilled his movements, the two of them connected for the very first time._

 _'Are you alright?' John asked her, his hand still entwined with hers, his deep green eyes still locked on her beautiful, sparkling blues. She attempted to speak, but found being with him in this way left her completely and utterly speechless, so she nodded._

 _Being inside Anna felt like heaven on Earth, it was all John could do to contain himself. He didn't want to hurt her, that was his biggest fear. Gently, ever so gently he began to move his hips, resting his hand on her thigh as he moved. A reassuring gesture, he hoped. He was still looking at her, watching her face intently as she bit her lip, closed her eyes intermittently and he listened as soft yet heavy breaths began to leave her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer to her so she could place her lips on his._

 _'This is nice,' she admitted to him after finding her voice, her own hips moving now to meet his careful thrusts._

 _He laughed softly at her words. 'It certainly is.'_

 _'You can go faster.'_

 _John shook his head. 'I don't want to hurt you.'_

 _'You won't,' she insisted, moving her hand to rest at the base of his spine. 'Please. Don't hold yourself back for me.'_

 _After kissing her for what seemed like the millionth time that evening, John placed his head on the pillow next to Anna's, breathing in her ear. 'Tell me to stop if I cause you any pain.'_

 _In the next moment, John was increasing his rhythm, thrusting into Anna with a little more force than before, withdrawing before moving back into her over and over again. His breathing was haggard and he knew know it wouldn't take long for him to be spent. Words couldn't describe how she felt, how she was making him feel. Anna was right there with him, her hands now resting on his backside as she met him stroke for stroke. After a few moments, John released a heavy groan, slowing his movements entirely before moving into her once, twice then collapsing on top of her. Anna couldn't do anything but smile at that moment as she held him closely to her, giving him the time to recover._

 _'Christ,' John muttered, his head still buried in the pillow next to Anna's. 'Bloody hell.' She giggled at the use of his profanity, albeit mild. They lay this way for a moment until John could sense his weight was too much. He lifted his head to look into her eyes, leaning up on his forearms, a slight grin upon his lips. He moved a strand of hair from her face, the tenderness in his touch causing Anna's heart to skip a beat. 'Hey.'_

 _'Hello.'_

 _His lips made a trail from her nose to her cheeks, her forehead, gently caressing her face with his soft kisses. 'Are you okay?'_

 _'I'm okay,' Anna assured him. 'More than okay. I feel wonderful.'_

 _'Anna, I've got to level with you. I'm not inexperienced in these matters, but it's never felt like that before.'_

 _'Is that a good thing?'_

 _'Most definitely,' he replied, finally reaching her lips with his own. 'Stay the night. Please.'_

 _'I'd love to,' Anna answered without missing a beat. 'There's nothing I w_ ant more.'

 _It had taken a lot to keep the grin from Anna's face the next day at work, but with it being Saturday, the rush of shoppers kept her busy. A text message from John waiting for her on her lunch break had made her heart soar, he telling her that he missed her, the night before had been amazing, and he couldn't wait to actually take her out for dinner that evening._

 _She had met Gwen and Daisy during her break to have some lunch, and had told them how she couldn't help it, she was falling deeper and deeper for this man. And to her delight, they were actually happy for her, not telling her the man was unsuitable. Unlike her parents, in particular her father._

 _Anna had arrived home early on the Saturday morning to get ready for work, her father up and waiting for her in the kitchen. She had called to say she was staying at Gwen's, rather than the truth, a slippery slope perhaps, but she was learning to keep any details about John strictly on a need to know basis when it came to her Mum and Dad. She knew they were only protecting her, but judging him when they had never met the man was becoming tiresome._

 _Finally, closing time arrived. Business had slowed around four o clock and the final hour and half felt longer than the seven hours that had proceeded it. As her colleagues bounded away down the high street from her as she locked the door to the shop, Anna heard some voices to her left. Looking up, she could hardly believe her eyes._

 _John was there in his work uniform, the first time she had seen him in such attire, chatting to a group of youths. They were transfixed as he spoke to them, Anna wondering what had gone on to cause them to be confronted by a Police Officer. All left on good terms, John seemingly having diffused whichever situation had occurred. It was then he turned to face Anna, his movements stilling as he took her in. He looked gorgeous in his uniform, Anna not expecting it to have the effect on her that it did. He began to walk towards her, a smirk playing upon his lips._

 _'Good evening, Sergeant Bates,' Anna teased him as she placed her keys into her bag._

 _'Miss Smith,' John almost growled, doffing his police hat in her direction._

 _'I must say that uniform is working wonders for you.'_

 _'You think so?'_

 _'Most definitely.' She leaned on tiptoes to whisper in his ear. 'And by the way, I missed you too, today.'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

Once back home, Anna braced herself for what mood her husband would be in. She closed the door behind her, her mind filled with thoughts of John. It had been wonderful to have a conversation with him. She had imagined seeing him again so many times and feeling nothing, especially after how things were left between them. But she found it to be completely the opposite. Before she had a chance to brood about it too deeply, Ben had appeared at the kitchen door, a soppy smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

'I'm sorry Angel,' he said, moving towards her. Anna shook her head and grinned slightly. He had puppy dog eyes to rival the best of them. 'I am the worst husband in the history of marriage.'

She released a heavy sigh, shaking her head as she moved further towards him. 'No you're not.'

'But I am,' Ben continued, stepping closer to her. 'I lose my temper and just fly out of here and don't give your feelings a second thought.'

In the aftermath of their arguments, Anna couldn't help but remember all that Ben had given up for her, moving back home from Australia when he would have happily stayed. And even though she didn't deserve the severity of his words, she always felt like she couldn't stay angry at him for long when she considered what he did for her.

'But you also moved away from your dreams to make me happy.' Anna took the flowers from Ben, she inhaling softly, smelling their fragrance. 'These are lovely.'

'Like my beautiful wife,' Ben wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing her cheek. 'Let me make it up to you. How about going to the cinema to see that chick flick you wanted to see?'

'Well, I did see it with Gwen the other evening, but there is never too many times you can watch Zac Efron.'

'Great,' Ben chuckled, squeezing her hip tightly. He took the flowers from her. 'The next showing is at half four. I'll put these in water if you want to go and get ready or whatever.'

'Thanks,' Anna smiled before climbing the stairs. Walking into their room, she put her hands in her coat pocket, feeling the paper that still laid hidden there. Closing the door behind her, conscious of who was downstairs, Anna took the paper from her pocket and stared at the number written on it. John's number. God, she was so confused. She had convinced herself years ago John was in her past. It was over. But seeing him the other evening, and then today. Both of them not entirely happy in their marriages. Was it fate playing a part?

She couldn't do this. It wasn't her to sneak around, to keep secrets. Screwing the paper into a ball, Anna made to throw it in the bin but something made her stop. John's face was suddenly all she could see, the look in his eyes rendering her helpless like it always had all those years ago. The kindness in his smile. The way he said her name, affecting her in ways no other ever man had ever come close to. Even Ben.

Walking to her chest of drawers, Anna opened the top one and placed the paper at the back of the draw, covering it with various garments. It was there if she ever needed it. Part of her hoped she never used it, another was secretly praying she would.

* * *

When he had arrived home, Vera had been waiting for him. The look on her face was apologetic, and he couldn't help but accept her into his embrace when she had begun to sob. For all her faults, the blame hadn't all been with her as the cracks began to appear in their marriage. John had a temper and he had used it in those first few weeks after he had been injured. He had said some cruel things, things he regretted.

It seemed an almost habitual act to fall into bed with each other after a particular bad falling out, and this occasion was no different. In the heat of the moment, in each other's arms, John almost believed things would be alright between them. However, once it was over there was none of the holding one another, none of the tenderness that had been evident in the beginning of their relationship. Vera announced she was going to take a shower, and he knew that this coldness that had built between them over the last couple of years would come to the fore again.

A harsh part of John didn't really miss that side of their relationship. They had never been the most affectionate of couples, but now too much had passed between them, too much had been said. Was it right to feel guilty after sleeping with your wife? Why did he persevere with this?

The early Autumn dusk meant there was a light haze over the garden, John standing just outside the back door in his robe, trying to get a breath of fresh air. He allowed himself to contemplate the mess his marriage was. He was the first to admit he had been awful to Vera after he had been shot, but had apologised for his actions subsequently, tried to make up for them but it's one thing to forget these things, another to forgive, he supposed. And Vera had displayed her difficulty in forgiving by letting their marriage disintegrate into this thing it had become.

All John could do was try to show her how sorry he was, but Vera hadn't really been interested. Everything was thrown back in his face whenever they had a disagreement. Soon, John stopped trying to make it up to her when he realised it was no good. The reason she had stayed with him was obvious- the house, they were comfortable thanks to the inheritance from his mother. The only thing keeping him here were indeed memories of his mother, telling him marriage was a sacred union and one not to be entered into lightly.

Seeing Anna today had made it more apparent what a fool he had been. What hurt the most was that Anna wasn't completely happy, and it physically hurt him that he most probably had held the key to her happiness and recklessly thrown it away.

However, John had made his bed, now he must lay in it. Back then, all he had to do was say the word and Anna would have been his. How he wished he could turn back the clock.

'I'm off.'

John turned on his heel to see Vera, made up as if going on a night out. Probably off to another man's bed, he thought to himself, somewhat harshly. 'Okay. When will you be back?'

Vera just shrugged. 'Don't wait up. There's leftovers from my lunch in the fridge for your dinner.'

'Where are you going?'

'Audrey's stopping here on the way to see her niece in Edinburgh. She goes to University there, so I'm meeting her for a drink.'

'A drink that will take all evening?'

Vera shifted agitatedly on her feet. 'We might go for dinner as well. Who are you, my keeper?'

'No, but I am your husband. And I think I deserve to know what you are up to.'

Vera stepped closer to him, placing her hand on his upper arm. Her eyes softened. 'Well, now you know.'

John nodded, smiled weakly and then she was gone. Once she was out of sight, John reached for his phone from his robe pocket, intending to arrange a meet up with Robert when he saw a message alert, the number one he didn't recognise. Opening the message, he could barely believe his eyes.

 **John, I wasn't going to do this, but a part of me couldn't leave this alone. This is my number, if you want to reply. Anna.**


	3. I Couldn't Fight It

**A/N- I have always had 3 chapters of this ready to post, I've just been spacing them out. Playdate's next chapter is mostly written, it's just finding the time to read through it that is proving difficult at the moment. I promise I will update before Christmas.**

 **Hope you enjoy this next chapter. Thanks for your reviews to this story, I'm glad people are enjoying it. As always, flashbacks in italics.**

 **Disclaimer-** Downton belongs to Julian Fellowes/ITV/ Carnival...

* * *

 **Present Day**

John was trying to not let the Christmas songs bother him as he sat in the pub, waiting for Robert. It was the same every year, once his birthday was out of the way the festive season began in earnest. Anna had been right earlier saying he was fifty one, only just however. John hadn't given it a second thought at the time, but it was just like her to remember when his birthday was and get his age spot on.

God, thinking about a woman that wasn't his wife. What would his mother think? Well, he knew the answer to that. His mother had told him on numerous occasions he should have married that nice blonde girl when John had gone to her for advice on his troublesome marriage.

Opening his phone to check the time, John couldn't resist having a look at the text he had received from Anna. To make sure it was real. He had imagined talking to her again, imagined being in contact but he never believed it would happen. Now to see a message from her, to see she had typed his name, that she had thought of him even for a few seconds, it was more than John could have hoped for.

'Hello, hello old timer.'

John was brought out of his reverie by the booming voice of his best and oldest friend, Robert Crawley. Robert had been John's superior when they were in the Yorkshire Police together, a position he still held to this day.

John quickly shut the message app down on his phone, putting the device back in his pocket. 'You are a month older than me, Rob. Less of the old.'

'Hey, come on. I'm only joking. You sound like someone who doesn't want his birthday present.' Robert placed a neatly wrapped package on the table as he sat down opposite John.

'What is it?'

'Socks,' Robert replied, John nodding like he knew all along. 'Cora asked Vera what you needed.'

'Ahh, then that will explain it.' John took the present and placed it in his lap, looking down at the wrapping paper. 'The Muppets, how apt.'

'Yeah, there's a theme when you actually get to the socks beneath Cora's selotape mountain. I'm sorry.'

'That's alright, I do need socks so thank you.'

'I saw you smiling at your phone when I came in. It can't be a message from Vera that's making you react in that way,' Robert said before laughing. 'Unless she said she's starting divorce proceedings, of course.' When John didn't laugh as well, Robert cleared his throat. 'You alright?'

'If I tell you something, will you keep it to yourself?' Robert nodded as he took his jacket off. 'I'm in contact with Anna.'

Robert looked confused for a moment, John could almost see him working it out in his mind before an expression of realisation came over his face. 'What? Your ex, Anna?'

'Yes, Anna.' John inhaled deeply, looking beyond Robert to the bar. 'The love of my life. Anna.'

Running a hand through his hair, Robert tried to comprehend what John was telling him. 'Where? When?'

'I took Vera out for our anniversary the other night, she was moaning, as usual…'

'What's new?'

'And she asked to see the manager of the restaurant.'

'Of course she did. Anything to cause a fuss.'

'And the manager just happened to be Anna.'

'Blimey.' Robert raised his eyebrows in surprise. 'And she was happy to see you?'

'To my amazement, yes. She seemed to be.' John sighed, shaking his head before leaning closer to his friend. 'Robert, she's still stunningly beautiful. She hasn't changed a bit. I mean, she's older but God, she's still so gorgeous. Then today, I was just about to come on shift when I saw her at the station. I asked her to join me for a coffee before I started. '

'And how is she?'

'Married.'

'Well, there you go then…'

'And unhappy,' John interrupted, 'like me.'

'Ahh, I know what you're thinking John and as your friend,' Robert placed a hand on John's forearm. 'Don't even go there.' He didn't reply, choosing instead to sit back in his chair and fold his arms. 'How are things with you and Vera?'

John shrugged. 'Arguing. In between the arguing not talking.' He stopped, thinking about what transpired between himself and his wife that afternoon. 'Occasionally it's alright. But mostly arguing.'

Robert nodded in understanding. 'How about I get you a pint?'

'Please.'

As Robert left the table, John suddenly wondered if he ever used to argue with Anna as much. He reasoned they had their little disagreements, but nothing that lasted for days. He couldn't usually stand having her mad with him for even a second. Heaven knows, the past thirteen years had been torture….

* * *

 **2001**

 _Anna huffed impatiently. John had been silent for almost five minutes now, had removed his arm from behind her across the back of the sofa. She had lost the plot of the film, the desire to ask him what was wrong almost threatening to drive her crazy. Having told him her plans for Christmas, he seemed agitated. She had to find out if that was the matter, his current behaviour was too irritating._

' _Alright, what is it?' Anna leant forward, picked up the remote and turned the television to mute._

' _What?'_

' _You've moved your arm, you keep tutting and fidgeting…'_

' _I just don't see why you need to go away for Christmas.'_

 _Anna sighed exasperatedly, looking to the ceiling realising she was right. 'Because my Mum and Dad announced they would be going to see my Aunt in Canada about six months ago, before I met you, and Daisy and Gwen suggested we go to London together.'_

 _He gently stroked her face, 'but I'm here now. I want to spend Christmas with you.'_

 _Anna brushed his hand away, rising to her feet. Who did he think he was, expecting Anna to drop long standing plans for him. 'But you said yourself you'll be working most of it, what I am meant to do whilst you are? Sit around alone waiting for you to come home?'_

 _John folded his arms, shrugging his shoulders. 'I just think this is our first Christmas, we should spend it together.'_

' _We can have our Christmas the weekend before, you're off and I finish work for the week on the Friday…'_

' _But it won't be the same,' John argued, standing up and walking towards where Anna was standing. 'I can't believe you'd rather spend Christmas with your friends than me.'_

' _They've been my friends for ages, they are more like sisters,' Anna almost shouted, closing her eyes as she realised this was the first time she had raised her voice to him. She tried to calm herself before continuing. 'I can't believe how unreasonable you are being about all this.'_

' _Me, unreasonable?' John pointed to his chest, his anger rising. 'If it's unreasonable to want to spend Christmas with my girlfriend then so be it.'_

 _Anna picked up her jacket from the back of the sofa, putting it on. 'It's been arranged, planned and booked for months. I'm not cancelling it for you, for anybody.'_

' _Well, if that's how you feel why don't you go and see what your friends are doing right now. They obviously mean more to you than I do.'_

 _Shaking her head, Anna snatched her bag from the coffee table and left without another word, John wincing as he heard the door slam behind her. He ran a hand through his hair, releasing a deep breath._

' _Shit,' he murmured, picking up a cushion before punching it back onto the sofa. 'Shit, shit, shit.'_

 _That had been their first argument and it felt awful. Who was the elder one in this relationship, anyway? He had acted like an immature child, and as his temper cooled John realised how foolish he had been. Sinking down onto the sofa, he ran a hand along where Anna had been sitting not moments before._

 _Was it really that disastrous if they didn't have Christmas together, but celebrated earlier? Anna was right, he was working Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. What would she do whilst he was at work if her parents were in Canada and her friends in London?_

 _All he knew was he felt miserable sitting here all alone. Since he had met Anna just over three months ago, John was realising he was only ever at his most content when she was by his side. Being without her at Christmas but not thinking badly of him was preferable to being without her right now, she probably chiding his name._

 _His feelings for her were growing deeper by the day. When he was with her it was the only time he was alive, without her something was always missing, something he hadn't realised he needed until she had walked into his life. He hated to think that he had made her upset. Perhaps that was why he had reacted in the way he had, because of how he felt about Anna. He wanted to be with her all the time._

 _John knew her parents had left for Canada a couple of days ago, she would be alone if she had gone home. His mind made up, John rose to his feet, grabbed his jacket and left the flat. He needed to tell her how she made him feel._

 _The drive to her house was torture, John cursing every red light, every pause at a roundabout, every time he hit a patch of traffic. He had decided in his mind what he wanted to say to Anna, how to make it up to her. Something he suddenly realised he had felt for a while now but hadn't yet voiced._

 _Pulling up outside her house, he was relieved to see the living room light on and the drive empty, confirming her parents were away. He didn't know why, but they hadn't taken well to his relationship with their daughter. They were civil enough, but John sensed they didn't think he was right for Anna. However, that was a battle for another day, he had a bigger fight to win now. To win Anna's forgiveness for the first time in their relationship._

 _Walking up the gravel driveway, he reached the front step, paused for a moment before ringing the bell. It sounded loud in the quiet cul-de-sac on which Anna lived, John grimacing as the chime it made echoed all around him._

' _What do you want?' Anna asked, only half opening the door._

' _Anna. I was a foolish, selfish idiot. I have no right to ask anything of you, let alone ask you to give up your plans for me.' He stepped a little closer to the gap in the door._

' _You're not coming in.' Anna's voice was determined, that resolute streak that John usually admired her for shining through._

' _I hate that you're angry with me. It feels horrible.'_

' _Well, you should have thought of that.'_

' _I'm sorry,' he gently placed his hand on the frame of the door just below where Anna was resting hers. 'Please let me in.'_

 _Anna sighed, she wasn't giving him an inch. 'Give me one reason why I should._

 _His voice calmed to that of a murmur, John locking his gaze on Anna's. This was the moment. John's heart was beating so wildly in his chest he was surprised Anna couldn't hear it, the butterflies he felt every time he saw her making their presence known more than ever._

' _Because I love you.'_

 _Her jaw fell agape for the briefest of moments, for a panic stricken second John thought he had said the wrong thing, his thudding heart skipping a beat. Then she spoke and her tone had softened, and it was music to his ears._

' _You do?' She smiled, and John's heart kicked into life again._

 _He nodded. 'Yes. I do.' She opened the door wider in the next moment before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, bringing him down towards her to place her lips on his. It took his breath away, John needing to lean against the door frame to steady himself. As Anna ended the kiss, she rested her forehead against John's. 'Wow.'_

 _Anna released a giggle at his words, a sound that John adored but he appreciated her next words even more. 'I love you, too.'_

' _Can I come in now?'_

 _Anna didn't answer with words, grabbing fistfuls of John's jacket and pulling him over the threshold, he kicking the door shut behind him. She was wearing a delicious smirk, one which John felt himself reacting to. He had never been upstairs in her home before, and John swallowed in anticipation that she might be heading towards her bedroom as she lead him up the stairs._

 _They came to a stop outside the furthest door from the landing, hand in hand, Anna resting her fingers on the door handle. She turned back to look up at John. 'I've never invited a boy in here before.'_

 _An involuntary snigger left John. Although he had always regarded Anna mature for her age, their were moments when her innocence and inexperience warmed his heart. 'A boy? I'm flattered. I'm way past being a boy.'_

' _You know what I mean.' He was relieved to see Anna smile. 'Do you want to come inside?'_

' _As always, only if you are sure…'_

 _Not giving John a chance to finish his sentence, Anna was opening the door and encouraging him to follow her into her room. It was tidy, smelt wonderful, it smelt like Anna and John decided to forgive the picture of Brad Pitt beside her mirror. But, before he had too much opportunity to cast an eye over Anna's room, her lips were on his once again. She was shrugging his jacket from his shoulders, John letting the garment fall to the floor._

 _John placed his arms around Anna and without breaking their kiss, lifted her, instinct telling Anna to wrap her legs around his hips. Moving them to the bed, John carefully placed Anna down before gently forcing her back on the bed, the top half of his body covering hers. He broke their kiss, making a trail with his lips to her neck, Anna's legs still around John's waist._

 _She reiterated her feelings in a whisper, John stilling his movements to let the words wash over him. 'I love you.'_

 _Lifting his head, John's half lidded eyes met Anna's. He had never said these words to a woman before Anna. He had never met someone like Anna before. But they fell from his tongue so easily, without reservation and he meant them with every fibre of his being._

' _I love you, too.'_

 _Later on, lying in Anna's bed, basking in the afterglow of their love making, John reiterated his apology to the woman in his arms._

' _I never want to upset you again.'_

' _I'm not sure that's something you can promise,' Anna replied, her head resting on John's chest, her fingers playing with the coarse hair she found there. 'We're going to have disagreements, arguments. It's part of any relationship. It shows you care about it.'_

 _John pressed a kiss into Anna's hair. 'Are you sure you are only twenty one?'_

' _Twenty one and a quarter, actually,' she corrected him, causing John to chuckle heartily. 'And how about you? How are you coping now you've turned thirty eight.'_

' _I'm trying not to think about,' John closed his eyes. 'Another year closer to forty.'_

 _Anna leant up to look into his face, John tangling his fingers through her soft blonde hair as he met her gaze. 'Age is just a number.'_

' _Hmm, so you keep reminding me.'_

 _She reciprocated his grin before laying against his chest once more. 'We never did celebrate your birthday properly.'_

' _Believe me, you made my birthday more than worth my while.' John felt his stomach flutter at the memory of Anna in the new lingerie she had bought for that evening. 'Let's just concentrate on celebrating Christmas now, the weekend before.'_

' _And that's alright?'_

' _More than alright,' John replied, tightening his grip around Anna, bringing her closer to him if that were possible. 'I'll make it a Christmas you'll never forget.'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

He was smiling now at the memory, deciding in that moment to send Anna a reply to her text. Looking up, checking Robert's return wasn't imminent, John took his phone from his pocket, reopening Anna's message before composing a response.

' **Hi Anna. Nice to hear from you, never thought I'd receive a text from you again so this is a surprise. John. '**

'I told Tony it was your birthday so yours was on the house,' Robert announced, John quickly putting his phone away with the message sent. He passed the drink to John.

'Thanks.' He lifted his glass in the air. 'Cheers.'

'Cheers.'

* * *

After the cinema which happened to be a short drive from the restaurant, Ben insisted he and Anna go in quickly to check things were running smoothly. What a mistake that had been. That days Chef had been taken ill and the head waitress was doing her best to take on his role. Ben had said he would need to take over, people were complaining service was too slow, but had told Anna he would deal with it and she should relax. So she sat in the corner of the kitchen, reading a magazine as people bustled around her.

Her phone vibrating caused her to avert her eyes from the magazine, looking to the counter. Her breathing came shorter when she realised who the message was from. Making sure no one was about to come into the kitchen, Anna opened it. She couldn't help the smile that overtook her lips as she read. Just then, Ben came bounding into the kitchen taking Anna completely by surprise.

'I think we've got the situation under control. I gave everyone ten per cent off their meal, business has been booming recently so we can cover the shortfall.' He furrowed his brow as he saw her looking at her phone. 'Who is the text from?'

'Err,' Anna brushed her hair away from her face, thinking how to answer. 'It's Gwen. Asking if I enjoyed the film on the second viewing.'

'And did you?' Ben asked, looking over his shoulder at Anna. She looked up, not really listening to what he was saying. Ben furrowed his brow. 'You alright?'

'Yeah,' Anna replied, knowing her tone wasn't convincing but hoping Ben bought it all the same.

'I'll just go and make sure everyone is alright, then we can go home. Ivy says she can handle it now it's only an hour until closing.'

'Alright,' Anna smiled, watching Ben as he left.

Waiting until the door had closed, she looked at the words John had sent her once more. It was a dangerous game, sending a text message to her ex. She dreaded to think what would happen if Ben found out. But still she found herself unable to resist sending a reply.

Since she had seen John, it was as if a part of her that had died when he had said goodbye was coming alive again. Despite how they parted, despite the years in between. You don't just forget your first love and John had never been far from her thoughts.

' **It was lovely to see you today. A.'**


	4. Nothing Compares

A/N- A festive update of this story, now I've updated Playdate. Thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites, you guys blow me away every time.

 **Disclaimer-** Nothing belongs to me...

* * *

 **Present Day  
** Walking tentatively down the hallway, Anna winced as she heard Ben slamming cupboard doors and cursing under his breath. It was Christmas Day, and his parents were coming around for lunch. He had been stressed about cooking for them since he had offered his invitation, Anna asked him why he had bothered when usually they went around to her in laws. Her own parents were away again, as they had been for the past few Christmases. She didn't mind if she was honest. She had never really got on with her father, especially in recent years and her mother spent most of the time complaining she didn't have a grandchild yet.

'Can I help?' Anna asked timidly, standing on the threshold to the kitchen.

'Just, stay out of my way,' Ben said back to her, his head in a cookery book.

'I'm wearing the sweater you bought me, it fits well.'

'Yeah, it's very nice,' he said without a hint of interest, beginning to open cupboard doors and drawers, looking for something. 'Do we have a decent knife around here? I can't find any bloody knives.'

'Try the knife block by the toaster,' Anna advised, leaning against the doorframe with a satisfied smirk on her face. Ben lifted his head, noticed what she was talking about and preceded to select a knife. 'What time are they getting here?'

'Half twelve,' Ben replied as he began to chop carrots as if he was a professional chef. Anna found him to be so pretentious sometimes.

'Your shirt looks nice.'

He looked at her with an annoyed glance. 'Is there something you wanted? I'm kind of busy here.'

'Well, to spend Christmas morning with my husband as he cooks lunch, but if that's too much for you…'

Ben sighed, placing the knife down and walking towards Anna. 'I'm sorry, I just want everything to be perfect.'

'And it will be,' Anna assured him. 'Just because you're getting stressed about it all there's no need to take it out on me.'

'I know, and I'm sorry about that. I just couldn't find any knives,' he tried to explain, placing his hands on her shoulders.

Anna folded her arms. 'You're always taking things out on me just recently.'

He looked down the hallway beyond her. 'I'm sorry, I've just been a bit busy recently with Maggie being off sick and having to pay for an agency chef who doesn't know a potato from a parsnip.'

'Still, it's not my fault.'

'No, it's not.' His words held a hint of something else, something that remained unsaid between them. He held eye contact, clenching his jaw and Anna wondered what he was thinking. She thought she knew. It wasn't a loving gaze he was affording her. Something began to beep then, and Ben was moving away from her. 'Look, go through and watch the TV. There's bound to be a Christmas film on. I'll be through with a cup of tea in a bit.'

'Alright,' Anna breathed, turning on her heel and walking into the living room.

She took her phone from her pocket and sat on the ledge by the window. Resting her back against the wall, Anna pondered what was really wrong with Ben. He hadn't wanted to leave Australia, and he had made that clear. But he had left for her, because she wanted to come home. Maybe his recent hostility towards her stemmed from that? The restaurant had been more trouble than it was worth of late whereas in Australia they were living comfortably. Before she could lose herself in her thoughts too deeply,

Anna's text tone went off. It was Gwen.

 **Merry Christmas, gorgeous. I got far too drunk last night and woke up on Christmas morning in the bed of a man whose name I didn't remember. I left before he woke up. Naughty or what? Ginger x**

Anna rolled her eyes before composing a reply.

 **Thought you were going to be more responsible now you'd turned 35. A x**

Gwen had been there for Anna through it all. Her break up with John all those years ago, visiting her in Australia, welcoming her home from the airport with Ben when Anna's own parents couldn't make it, a shoulder to cry on when she and Ben had had an argument. Daisy was still around, but she had a family now, Anna and Gwen were Godmother to her two daughters, and of course, they came first. Gwen however, was still free and single and enjoying herself, it seemed. It surprised Anna how much a text from her best friend could lift her spirits.

 **Did I say 35? I meant 36. How is Benjamin? Treating you right, I hope x**

She sighed, looking to the ceiling. She could tell Gwen anything, and she needed someone to talk to right now. Or text, as the case might be.

 **Just snapped at me as it happens. Told me to get out of the kitchen.**

The reply came back instantly.

 **WHAT?! Come over here, this minute Missy!**

Just as Anna went to reply that all was well, he had apologised, another text came through.

 **Merry Christmas, I hope you have a wonderful day. John x**

Her heart skipped a beat, however Anna suddenly felt guilty and looked up. Noticing the coast was clear and Ben wasn't about to come through, she stared at the words on the screen. They had been texting since sharing a coffee a couple of weeks ago, just to ask how the other was, sometimes a memory of their time together would come up and be discussed. It had been wonderful to go back to that time. Despite how it had ended, their year together had been one of the happiest Anna could remember. Looking to the tree, the way the lights were shining took Anna back to the Christmas she had shared with John, in particular their Christmas morning.

* * *

 **2001**

'Aw John, are you actually serious?' Anna chided him as she walked into his living room, dumping her bag behind the sofa. He came to a stop behind her, shrugging his shoulders.

'What?'

'I thought you were joking when you said you hadn't put any decorations up.'

John moved further into the living room, placing his keys on the coffee table. 'What's the point? I live alone and I'm working Christmas.'

'But this is our Christmas,' Anna brushed a strand of hair from her face. 'I just thought you'd have a tree up, at least.'

'Don't worry,' John leant on the sofa and took Anna's hand in his, bringing her knuckles to his lips. He locked his gaze on hers. 'I'll still make it special for you.'

* * *

She stretched her aching muscles, looking at her surroundings through half lidded eyes. It was dark, but she knew she was in John's bedroom. Smiling as images of last night filtered into her mind, Anna reached beside her to find his side of the bed disappointingly empty. The door was ajar, she was sure she could the faint beat of a song playing somewhere. Looking at her phone, she saw the time was nearly half past seven. Way too early for the two of them to be up on a day off, given the recent history between them.

Switching on the lamp beside her side of the bed, Anna reached into her bag and searched out the nightgown she had packed for her Christmas weekend with John. She hadn't needed it last night, her heart leapt at the memory of him leading her to his room, keeping to his promise of making the weekend special for her.

Still, that music was playing and it was intriguing Anna as to why. Remembering to take the gift bag containing the present she had bought John with her, this was their Christmas morning after all, Anna made her way out into the hall way. Once there, she realised it was Christmas music playing, Bing Crosby no less. Anna furrowed her brow, a faint smile upon her lips as she trod the carpet towards the living room. She gasped, what she saw before her completely taking her breath away.

John's living room had been transformed into a Christmas Wonderland. There was a tree in the corner, beautifully decorated with red and green decorations, white lights illuminating the branches, presents neatly wrapped beneath it. Anna's gaze was flitting here, there and everywhere. There was so much to take in. Some ornaments she would have normally deemed tacky had she not been so overwhelmed at how much effort John had gone to were placed at the foot of the mantel place, Father Christmas, Rudolph and a snowman family stood together. A giant Merry Christmas sign hung on the wall behind the television, beneath that a holly wreath. Then, she looked back to the mantel place to see two stockings hanging there, one saying John and one saying Anna.

'Merry Christmas, Anna.' Searching for his gaze, Anna saw him standing just offset of the open door, wearing a Father Christmas hat and looking absolutely adorable. He stepped a little closer to her. 'You know, you really shouldn't stand under that mistletoe for too long. You're far too tempting to kiss as it is, especially just standing there in a nightgown.'

'What Mist…' Anna followed John's gaze to look above her head, the sprig of Mistletoe hanging above her head from the doorframe. 'Oh.'

He was standing in front of her in the next moment, his hands on her upper arms. 'May I?'

Anna found herself nodding wordlessly before feeling his lips upon hers, warm and demanding. She responded eagerly, brushing her tongue along his bottom lip. But instead of letting her deepen it, John ended the kiss. 'Merry Christmas, Anna.'

She softly cleared her throat, completely taken aback from the kiss they had shared and all he done for her. 'Merry Christmas.'

He took her hand in his. 'Do you like it?'

'I love it,' she replied, stepping away and further into the room and setting his bag down in the armchair. 'This must have taken you ages.'

'I've been up since half four,' John nodded, standing behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. 'You see, I spoke to Gwen and Daisy and they told me how much you loved Christmas. So I got the idea to do this.' He whispered into her ear. 'It's all for you.'

She placed her hands on his forearms. 'It's wonderful, I'm touched you did this for me.'

'Of course I did this for you. You're my girl.'

'Am I now?' Anna teased, a smirk on her face, her eyebrow raised as John moved to stand in front of her.

'If you'd like to be.'

She leant up on tiptoes and kissed his nose. 'Of course I want to be.'

John offered her a broad smile before gesturing for her to join him on the rug beside the tree. He had bought her lots of gifts, Anna felt loathed to accept them all but John insisted. Her favourite bath salts, new pyjamas, a CD of her favourite band, even a teddy bear dressed up as a policeman. However, it was the gift he saved for last that completely blew her away. She had known it was jewellery before she had opened it. Her parents had bought her jewellery before, but this was different. It was from the man she loved.

She opened the box with trembling hands to reveal a silver necklace, a heart pendant encrusted with diamonds on the chain. She picked up the heart between her finger and thumb, rubbing the metal.

'John, it's beautiful,' she murmured. He took the box from her hand, removing the necklace and moving to kneel behind her. John was trying to put the necklace on her, she lifting her hair out of the way as she realised.

Once the clasp was secure, he placed a soft kiss on her neck. 'Just like you.'

She inhaled sharply at the contact of his lips and his breath on her neck. 'Oh John.'

He was lost. He continued his exploration of her neck with his lips, her groans of pleasure encouraging him further. Anna soon found herself laying on the rug, John's body covering hers as their lips met. She could feel his arousal against her hip, wrapping her legs around his waist to increase their contact. Anna was pulling his t- shirt up over his back, John pulling back far enough to allow her to remove it. Her fingers tangled in the chest hair revealed to her.

'What about you?' He breathed, her touch rendering him helpless. He leant back on his haunches between her legs and bunched up the hem of her nightgown in his hands. Anna sat up, and nodded her consent for him to continue. Soon, their naked upper bodies writhed against one another, the two of them losing themselves. They became one beneath the twinkling of the Christmas lights, the winter morning's light yet to fully illuminate the room.

John reached for the blanket on the edge of the sofa, wrapping himself and Anna up in it as they lay naked on the rug, perfectly sated and she in his embrace. A few moments of silence fell between them as they revelled in the afterglow before John gently broke the silence.

'What a way to start our Christmas Day,' John murmured against her temple.

Anna hummed her agreement, leaving an open mouthed kiss on his shoulder before realising something. 'I haven't given you your gift yet.'

'Erm, what just happened then was the greatest gift I have ever received,' John admitted, meeting Anna's eye and offering her the smallest hint of a wink. She felt her insides melt before focusing on the task in hand. Finding her nightgown and placing it back over her head, much to John's disappointment, Anna got to her feet and picked up the bag from the chair. John sat up, the blanket pooling around his waist as he did so. 'I meant it, Anna. You didn't have to get me anything.'

Anna shook her head, smiling slightly. 'Sssh, just open it.'

Doing as he was instructed, John tore into the paper to reveal a box. Creasing his brow in concentration, he opened the box to reveal a watch, but not just any watch. 'I said I was going to buy this for myself in the January sales.'

'Well, I saved you the bother,' Anna replied, kneeling back down beside him. 'I had no idea what to get you when I was on my lunch break the other day and saw the watch.'

'But Anna,' he met her gaze, 'it must have cost you half a month of your wages.'

She shrugged. 'You're worth it.'

'I can't accept it…'

Anna silenced him with a kiss, placing her hands on either side of his face. 'You've treated me all the way through our relationship, this morning is case in point. Now it's my turn to treat you.'

His smile let her know he was relenting, his gaze fixing on hers filled with sincerity. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

Just as he was about to resume their kiss, Anna was standing up and moving a step away from her. 'No, no Sergeant Bates. I need a shower and I believe you have a turkey to baste.'

'I love it when you talk dirty,' John added as she walked away, looking over her shoulder with a delicious smirk. How had he struck it so lucky?

* * *

 **Present Day **

He hated this day. Alone again, his wife God knows where. When his mother had been alive at least he'd had someone to share the day with. John looked at the tree, half heartedly decorated the other night when Vera had decided she wanted to put it up before a text and a phone call meant she was gone for the evening. He had text Anna, the thought of her the only thing that seemed to make his days bearable just recently.

Things with Vera were at an all time low. After leaving him that Sunday evening, she hadn't returned until the Tuesday. Where she had been, John couldn't fathom or bring himself to care if he was honest. He had carried on with his life, going to work, meeting up with Robert for a pint. And Vera had the nerve to let his disinterest bother her. _Don't you love me at all,_ she had spat at him as he simply shrugged his shoulders when she asked if he had been worried.

Now he sat in his living room on Christmas Day, reading through the texts he and Anna had sent each other the past few days. She was married and so was he, this would be deemed wrong but it felt so right. So right to be back in contact with her. They had spoken about how they met, their dates and the way he would always argue about her choice of film at the cinema but one look, or a kiss and he would relent.

A message from Robert brought John back to the present, he staring at the screen as it lit up the dimness of his surroundings.

 **If you're alone, please come over here mate. There is plenty to eat and the girls are all dying to see you. Little George is here too. We'd love to have you.**

Robert was his saving grace on so many occasions. If it wasn't for him, John wasn't sure where he would be right now. Once back in Yorkshire, it had been his best friend who had encouraged him to go down a completely different career path, the incident in London leaving him scarred and in need of escape. They had come across an advert offering training to become a train driver. You couldn't get much further away from a policeman. Just as he was about to send a message saying he would be coming over, a reply from Anna flashed up on his phone screen.

 **Merry Christmas to you, John. I hope you are having a wonderful day, also and those tacky ornaments have pride of place x**

He smiled, looking before him at the fireplace where the snowman family he had bought all those years ago stood. His contribution to the decorating of the house. Vera hadn't said anything about them being there, he didn't even think she had noticed them. Standing up and walking to the hallway to retrieve his car keys, John's attention was grabbed by the door opening. Vera appeared, looking dishevelled and as if she had been crying. He tried to hold a hard expression, but found he couldn't, his gaze softening.

'Vera, are you alright?'

She shook her head. 'I am so… so…' she placed her head in her hands, John recognising her speech was slurred. 'I don't know what I am.'

Inhaling deeply, John knew he couldn't go out and leave her, despite her doing the same to him. He walked to her, taking her hand in his. 'You look as though you haven't slept. Where have you been?'

Her gaze met his and she began to stutter over her words. 'I went to the… you see, what happened... I don't know why… '

He hushed her, placing a kiss on her forehead. 'Have a bath and go to bed. Lie down for a few hours. I'll have some dinner ready for when you get up.'

* * *

Whilst he was cooking up some pasta on the hob, John heard Vera coming down the stairs. She appeared at the doorway, looking slightly better but still not right. He smiled weakly as she approached and indicated for her to sit at the table.

'John, I'm sorry. I don't know why I do this.'

Do what, he wondered to himself but dreaded to think what her answer would be if she was truthful. Sometimes he wondered if it wouldn't be better to hear the truth, but not today. Not on Christmas Day. He chose to change the subject.

'It's spaghetti bolognaise,' John explained as he began to fill the plate in front of Vera with food. 'Not very Christmas, but it's all we had in that I knew how to cook.'

'It's lovely, thank you,' Vera replied with a smile. She eyed the bottle of wine in the table, pointing at it. 'Perhaps I'll have some water like you.'

John nodded in understanding. 'Alright.'

They ate in a companionable silence, John not wanting to get into an argument, or having the energy for one. Vera suggested they watch some of the Christmas specials on the sofa together, and John agreed. That sounded nice. Beneath it all, she was his wife, and in some way he still loved her. Even if he was beginning to believe their marriage was living on borrowed time.

'I bought you these,' John said once they had eaten and were still sitting at the table, presenting Vera with a small box. She opened them to reveal a pair of silver earrings. 'They aren't much but you're my wife, I wanted to buy you a Christmas present.'

Vera stifled a sob, John could tell. The expression she wore was filled with guilt. What had she been up to? Before he had a chance to think about it further, Vera was on her feet, walking to him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

'I want to be better,' she murmured into his hair. 'I want us to try to be better.'

As she continued to cry, John tried to hush her gently, rubbing his hand along the arm that was wrapped around his shoulders. 'Look, why don't you go through. I'll wash up then we can watch television together, like you said, eh?'

'Alright.'

As she left, John fought this internal battle inside himself, between wanting to know what the hell Vera had done and been doing this past couple of years and not wanting to spoil their day. Against his better judgement, he chose the latter.

The last plate away, John felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Removing it, he read the message alert. It was from Anna.

 **I just wanted to tell you I've been thinking about the Christmas we shared. Thank you for the happy memories xxx**

John squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly how desolate and lonely he had become coming to the forefront of his mind. God, if only Anna knew recently it was mainly the happy memories of her and her messages that had been the reason to get up every morning.


	5. Regrets and Mistakes

**A/N- A little ahead of schedule, but this will be my last update of 2015. Thanks for your reviews, favourites and continued support of my stories this year. Merry Christmas to you all.**

 **The last section may upset some readers. Nothing too graphic but just letting you know.**

 **Disclaimer-** nothing belongs to me

* * *

 **Present day**

Walking down the stairs as the doorbell rang, Anna allowed a deep breath to leave her and a smile to overtake her lips. It was almost a relief for Ben to be hundreds of miles south in London. He had been in a mixed mood recently, and it felt good to be going on a New Years Eve night out with her best friends, a chance to let her hair down. Even Daisy had been coaxed out, her husband William insisting he would look after their daughters. It was going to be a great night.

As she opened the door, Anna ducked for cover as Gwen let off a party popper and blew on a party horn. She giggled with delight, stepping aside to let her friends inside.

'Evening,' Anna said as she closed the door. 'You both seem in good spirits.'

'Damn right we are,' Gwen enthused, wrapping Anna in an embrace before the latter moved on to offer Daisy a hug. 'Invited to a party held in a club by one of my most successful associates, being told I can bring whoever I want and there is a free bar all night. It's party time.'

'It's just nice to be going out,' Daisy added, brushing a strand of hair from her face. 'I love my girls dearly but it's nice to relive the old days once in a while.'

'We were pretty wild,' Gwen offered in agreement.

'Were?' Anna eyed her friend with a sceptical gaze. 'By all accounts Miss Dawson, you are still demonstrating your wild streak.'

'Yolo.' Gwen shrugged. 'Anyway, it must be nice to have that moody man of yours out of the picture for a few days, eh?'

Anna avoided the question by grabbing her coat from the hook behind Gwen. Daisy spoke next, her tone sympathetic.

'Honestly Anna, I don't know how you stick it out. If William so much as rose a decibel over his normal speaking voice towards me I'd throw him out on his ear.'

'He gave up so much,' Anna explained weakly as she put her jacket on, 'he's alright most of the time. And I do love him, he's been so good for me. Especially after what happened with John.'

'Ahh, talking of John. Is he still texting you?' Gwen asked indifferently, watching as Anna reached for her bag. Daisy looked at her with a surprised expression.

'Ahh Anna, he never is,' Daisy gasped, 'I thought he was in London.'

'Thank you, Gwen,' Anna pushed her shoulder gently. 'No, he's back up here working as a train driver.'

Daisy grimaced. 'A train driver? I thought he was in the police force.'

'He left,' Anna replied, checking in her bag for her keys and placing her phone inside.

'And he walks with a cane,' Gwen added, Anna noticing the cogs in Daisy's head turning by the expression in her face.

'A cane?'

'He was shot in the knee whilst on duty,' Anna explained with a roll of the eyes. 'Look. This isn't really any of our business. Yes I am texting him but that's all it is. The odd message here and there.'

What Anna neglected to tell her friends as they left the house was how her heart had begun leaping every time she saw his name on her phone, and how a message from him was fast becoming the highlight of her day.

* * *

Hands in his pockets, John stood by the bar with a drink in front of him. Coke, of course. How Robert had managed to drag him to Mary's party was beyond him, Mary being Robert's daughter and self made business woman. This party was a celebration of her successful year, as well as New Year and she had invited most of her clients and business associates, with a few friends and family dotted here and there. John had to admit it was nice to catch up with Robert's younger daughters. Edith and Sybil, both of whom were carving out careers for themselves as a journalist and a nurse respectively.

But now he was alone as the party went on around him. Vera hadn't wanted to come out when he had suggested it a couple of days after Christmas. Her 'wanting to try' had lasted a couple of days. They spent Boxing Day together and John had to admit it had been pleasant, a small echo of their early days when it had been nice between them, when John thought he had fallen in love with her. But since, she had been becoming more distance almost by the hour.

'Alright old boy?' John felt Robert clapping him on the back.

'Just grand, mate,' John replied before his voice was tinged with a sigh. 'Just grand.'

'You know what I've been saying for the past few weeks isn't an empty offer,' Robert said as he moved to lean on the bar beside John. 'I know a guy who can sort your situation out. It will be quick, clean and won't cost you much.'

John cocked his head. 'What's the point? It will be more trouble than it's worth.'

'More trouble than ending this misery you are living in?'

He didn't answer, movement at the door had left him transfixed. A group of women had entered, currently being welcomed by Mary and John couldn't believe his eyes. He saw Gwen first. She was greeting Mary with a hug, they must know each other, he thought, before the red head was introducing the people she was with. Daisy hadn't changed a bit, but John didn't dwell on this too much because standing beside her was Anna, and she looked absolutely beautiful. She was wearing a red dress, her blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders, her face was lit up with a bright smile. Mary shook her hand, and for a moment he was almost jealous of Robert's eldest daughter, being able to touch Anna like she was.

'John, I said do you want another drink?'

Feeling a shaking on his upper arm, John averted his gaze to look at Robert. 'What?'

Robert gestured towards the barman. 'Drink? Honestly, I know the music is loud in here but I'm standing right beside you.'

'Anna's here.'

'What?' Robert looked over his shoulder to look at the door, Anna following her friends to an empty table. 'Bloody hell, mate. She looks incredible.'

'I know.' John couldn't stop watching, but then he saw Gwen making her way towards the bar and he was turning around. 'Shit, Gwen is coming this way.'

It was too late. 'John.' Her voice got louder the nearer she became. 'John Bates?'

'I'll leave you to it, mate,' Robert said, tapping John on the shoulder.

'Yeah, thanks pal,' John hissed through gritted teeth. He couldn't ignore her, so exhaling a deep breath, he turned to face her. 'Gwen, what a lovely surprise. You're looking well.'

'Save the platitudes, what the hell are you doing here?'

Hostility. Just what John didn't need. 'My best friend is the host's father. I'm guessing you work with her.'

'I led a project she had initiated a few months ago,' Gwen explained, her arms folded. ' I suppose you've already clocked Anna?'

'Yes.'

She continued her line of questioning. 'What is the deal with the texting?'

Waiting a beat before replying, John looked over to Anna who was chatting intently to Daisy. 'We go back a long way.'

'But she's married, so are you.'

'There is nothing in it. Yes, I gave her my number but she sent the first message.'

'You really hurt her, John. It took her months, maybe more to get over it.'

John shifted uncomfortably on his feet. 'I regret it every day, Gwen. Every single day.'

Her look turned to one of understanding then, possibly a little bit of sympathy evident as well? 'Why did you do it, John? One minute you were like love's young dream, the next you were telling her it was over.'

Meeting Gwen's gaze, John shook his head. 'I can't tell you.'

'John?' Looking beyond Gwen, John saw Anna standing there, her brow creased in confusion. 'What are you doing here?'

'I thought you would have remembered,' John began, his voice displaying his nervousness at being unexpectedly near her once more. 'Mary is Robert's daughter.'

'Of course,' Anna placed a hand on her forehead, a small laugh escaping her. 'Silly me.'

John came to her defence. 'Well to be fair, you only met her once, Robert maybe a handful of times.'

Silence fell then, Anna looking from Gwen and then back to John. Anna's friend huffed impatiently before seeking confirmation from her. 'Shall I leave you, then?' Anna nodded. Gwen took the last two glasses of wine from the serving tray on the bar then zeroed in on Anna, her back to John. 'I'm only over there if you need me.'

'Thank you.'

Leaving her with John, Gwen headed back over to Daisy.

'She's still as confident as ever,' John remarked, watching her walk away.

'She's just looking out for me.'

'Of course,' John smiled warmly at her, making eye contact with Anna still affecting him in the same way it had all those years ago. 'You look stunning this evening.' She blushed at his words, bowing her head coyly. She wasn't smiling. Perhaps flattery wasn't the best tact after all that had transpired. 'Would you like a drink?'

'Just a white wine please.'

No more words were spoken between them as John ordered Anna's drink, and another Coke for himself. They noticed an empty table just beside the bar, and decided to make use of it. Not wanting to seem anything less than chivalrous, John placed the handle of his cane over his arm and limped behind Anna with a drink in each hand.

'Your husband not here?'

'No, he's away,' Anna answered as they walked to the table. 'A few days with the lads in London. What about your wife?'

John didn't actually know where Vera was exactly, but he didn't want to make a point of that fact. 'Out with friends, as well.'

'I hope it's been alright, texting,' Anna asked as they sat down. 'It has been nice looking back, we made some wonderful memories together.'

'We did indeed,' John agreed, smirking in Anna's direction. She averted her gaze again and this time her lips did quirk into a smile. John had forgotten how exhilarating making her blush really was, the adrenaline coursing through his veins. The next song to begin made them both sit upright, recognising it immediately.

'Coldplay,' Anna murmured aloud.

' _Yellow,_ ' John agreed with a nod before Anna began to giggle, a sight that endeared him to her even more. 'What is it?'

'Do you remember that New Years Eve? At my mum and dad's house, I had that rave themed party and you wore that ridiculous shirt and tie.'

'In my defence, I think we all looked ridiculous that night,' John laughed before taking a sip of his drink, his voice turning melancholy. 'Then we danced under the stars to _Yellow_. Do you remember that part?'

'Yes,' Anna ran her finger along the rim of her glass, her voice weak, John supposing she was thinking about that moment right now. 'I do.'

* * *

 **2001**

 _John walked onto the gravel outside Anna's house, the crunching beneath his feet echoing in the cold night air. Fresh air, that was what he needed. He looked down at his appearance, how stupid did he look? A neon pink shirt, the same coloured laces in his shoes, lime green tie, all in the name of impressing his girlfriend. Her parents were away and she had thrown a rave inspired New Years Eve party._

 _He sat on the brick wall at the bottom of the drive, running over the events of the evening in his mind. It had been hard_ _keeping up with Anna and her friends, although he would never admit that to her. Even though he wasn't ove_ r the _hill at thirty eight, his party days were long behind him. Perhaps he should have gone to Robert and Cora's rather sophisticated wine party after all. Shaking his head realising that was unfair, John thought about how friendly and welcoming Anna's friends had been._

 _He already knew Gwen and Daisy, they had always been very kind to him but it was his first time meeting the majority of her social circle. William was a lovely chap, John had enjoyed talking to him about his fledgling career as a soldier. Jimmy, Alfred and Ivy had all been lovely, Thomas he wasn't so sure about but John hadn't let it show, the same with Ethel who held an air of the egotistical about herself. But she was young, she'd learn._

 _That was the thing, all these people were at least ten years younger than him, and for a moment John let his mind drift to the difference in ages between himself and Anna. He tried not to think about it, and for the most part he didn't but seventeen_ years, it was a big difference. They were born in different eras, John was at college when Anna was born. It _seemed crazy, but for some reason it just worked. And as he heard the door open behind him, John looked over his shoulder and was reminded why he was mad to question it._

 _There was Anna, walking towards him with concern etched on her face, dressed in a bright pink tutu and vest, black leggings and pink leg warmers, looking like something out of an eighties music video. He smiled and rose from his position on her parents brick wall, placing his hands in his pockets. She had left the door open, so the music from inside the house could be heard._

 _'John. You okay?'_

 _'Of course I am,' he smiled, treading the gravel towards her. 'I just needed some air, that's all.'_

 _'Come inside,' she took hold of his hand, gently tugging him. 'You'll catch your death out here. It's nearly time for the countdown to midnight anyway.'_

 _'Actually, can I be selfish? Do you mind if we stay out here?' He asked her, pulling her back towards him. 'I haven't had you alone at all this evening.'_

His breath cau _ght as he held her close. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and nodded her consent. 'Have you enjoyed the party?'_

 _'I've enjoyed meeting your friends, they're all great...'_

 _'But not the party?'_

 _Wincing at her question, John looked beyond her to the front door of the house, the sounds of Steps, or who he thought to be Steps ringing out into the night. 'You know me, Anna. You saw how uncomfortable I was at that club the night we met. The only good thing to come out of it was the fact I met you.'_

 _'You charmer,' Anna breathed, kissing his cheek. 'I'm glad you like my friends. Thomas is a bit of a trial but we've known him since school so he's just part of it now, I guess.'_

 _'He's alright,' John shrugged indifferently. 'Have you had a good time?'_

 _'I have.'_

 _'Well that's the main thing then.' He moved his mouth next to her ear. 'I've loved watching you tonight. You really are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.'_

 _'John,' she gasped, squeezing more_ _tightly to his shoulders._

 _'I mean it. Everyone pales in comparison to you, Anna.'_

 _A new song started then, a slow song and John recognised it immediately. At last, a song where it wasn't a requirement to jump about like a lunatic. He happened upon an idea, the moonlight beaming down on them, being in each other's arms keeping them warm._

 _'Dance with me.'_

 _Anna leant back to look in his eyes, her brow creased. 'Here?'_

 _He nodded, a smirk on his face, that smirk that he knew she couldn't resist. 'Right here.'_

 _In the next moment, John began to sway them gently in time to the music, listening to the lyrics as he held the most precious thing to him close in his arms._

 _ **'Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do...'**_

 _As they continued to dance, John was coming to realise how deeply his feelings went for the woman in his embrace. He knew he loved Anna, and had done two or three weeks into the relationship, it had been that instant. He had had girlfriends in the past, but nothing before compared to the present. John physically ached when he was away from Anna, she was always on his mind. For the first_ time he looked to the future without hesitation, finally it didn't scare him. _For the first time he was thinking about living_ w _ith someone, a marriage, children. He knew that was a long way off, Anna was so young ,but he was willing to wait for her. John was beginning to believe he had found the one. And here she was in his arms, softly singing along to the music as they danced beneath the stars._

 _'I love this song,' Anna whispered, her breath softly caressing his neck and making John shiver._

 _'It's nice,' John agreed as it neared the end, the last lyrics the same as the ones that started the song. He met her gaze as they played out, looking deeply into Anna's eyes. They may as well have been the only two people in the world in that moment._

 _ **'Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do**_ _.'_

 _Just as their lips were about to meet, the music cut quite dramatically and the sound of Gwen on the sound system Anna had hired came booming through the speakers to outside where John and Anna were stood._

 _'Okay. It's time for the big countdown. I don't know where Anna is and there is no time to find her so I'll do it.'_

 _'We can go in if you want.'_

 _Anna shook her head, moving her hands so her fingers could tangle in the hair at the nape of John's neck. God_ , how heave _nly that felt. 'I'm right where I want to be, Sergeant Bates.'_

 _The countdown began then, John and Anna murmuring the numbers between each other as they stood in each other's embrace. As they reached one, John smiled before leaning closer to Anna, stopping just short of meeting her lips with his own._

 _'Happy New Year, my love.'_

 _'Happy New Year,' she replied breathily before their mouths finally melded together, a gentle kiss to welcome in what John hoped would be the best of years for himself and this woman who had turned his world on its head. John moved so his lips were beside Anna's ear once more, whispering softly._

 _'I am so completely beguiled by you, Anna. Every day you do something or say something and I fall in love with you even more.' He paused before words that had never been easier to say to anyone else fell from his lips. 'I love you.'_

 _'I love you too, John. So much.'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

They must have been sitting together for a couple of hours now, conversing with each other as if they had never been apart. It came across as completely innocent, even though Anna couldn't help finding herself becoming lost in his gorgeous eyes, or feeling her heart skip a beat as she noticed the crinkles beside them had become more pronounced. She had always admired that part of John. His eyes. Some of the most intimate, precious moments in her life had come as a result of staring into their depths, trying to count the different shades of green but failing.

Anna allowed a moment of introspection as John excused himself to use the facilities. She had tried to be angry at him, tried to hate him even after he had hurt her but deep down she had always known there was more to it, believing there was some kind of gallantry to his leaving her. Something must have happened before John had come to her that night, before he had shattered her heart and left her with no option but to go to Australia alone. Anna had never felt anger towards him, disappointment was the overriding sensation and had been since they had parted. He didn't think what they had was worth fighting for, for some reason unbeknownst to her he had given up on them. Anna had always wanted to ask him the reason, but what would be the point? It was in the past, they had both moved on, both were married. Why cause unnecessary heartbreak?

'It's nearly midnight.' John's voice startled her, how lost in her thoughts she had become, and she jumped a little as he resumed his position opposite her.

'Wow, the evening passed by quickly.' She looked over at her friends, a line of shots in front of them. 'Doesn't look like Gwen and Daisy have missed me too much.'

'They both look well, it's nice to see you are all still close.'

'Yeah, well,' Anna's voice trailed away, she looking down at the table. 'They have always been there for me when I needed them, even came out to Oz a couple of times to see me after everything.' John nodded, Anna lifting her head to meet his gaze. His expression was tinged with sadness, he obviously realising she meant they were there for her after he left. She opened her mouth to speak before Mary's voice could be heard over the sound system.

'Okay, it's time to begin the countdown, grab your glasses, everyone.'

John and Anna stood awkwardly beside each other as those around them counted down from ten. A moment that when shared the last time, had been in one another's embrace, ten seconds that had past by so quickly back then had never seemed so long to Anna in this moment.

Finally, zero was reached and cries of happy new year rang out around them. Anna didn't know what John was thinking as he turned to face her, his expression unreadable. She recognised he was about to clink her glass, and offered her drink for him to complete the task. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own personal greetings to give what they were doing a second thought. Their gaze locked on one another, and Anna's heart was beating so quickly, beating like it hadn't in years, like it hadn't since the last time she was in John's arms. Then he was moving closer to her, Anna's eyes closing instinctively before she felt his breath against her ear.

'I know I am being completely unfair in saying this, but I have to tell you, Anna. I've kept too much from you in the past as it is. I haven't been able to get you out of my head since we met again. Do you know how much restraint it is taking me not to kiss you right now?'

Wow. Whatever she had been expecting him to say, that wasn't it. And he was right, he was being unfair. But his being so close had made her stomach flutter, hearing those words made her head spin. She didn't know how to respond, but before she had a chance to, Anna felt herself being dragged away, the squealing in her ears was deafening. It was Gwen and Daisy, locking her in a group hug.

'Happy new year, Blondie,' Gwen said before placing a kiss on Anna's cheek.

'You too,' Anna said, completely confused, her mind still whirring as John's words reverberated around her head. Managing to struggle free to regard him once more, Anna found the space he had been occupying to be heartbreakingly empty. He had gone. Again. And Anna was left with more questions.

Again.

* * *

John sat in his car on the drive, looking at the dark, empty house before him. How had he let his life come to this? Vera obviously wasn't home and John didn't care. That wasn't right and that fact caused John to have an epiphany. Maybe it was time to change his life. Being with Anna this evening, it had been nothing short of magical. She had reminded John of the man he used to be, the man he had been when he was with her. And even now if he couldn't be with Anna, he knew his feelings for her meant he couldn't be with Vera anymore. He didn't like who he was. Had he ever really been devoted to his wife? He didn't know. If he ever had been, should he be experiencing these emotions towards an ex girlfriend?

A vibration in his pocket made John sit up in his seat, reaching for his phone. It was Anna. He had half expected this. How could he say what he had and just leave her? A coward, that's all he was.

 **Alright John, what the actual hell? Where do you go? We need to talk about what you said. You were right, it was totally unfair and then to leave. I won't let you do this to me again. There is so much left unsaid between us**.

'Shit,' John breathed, running a hand through his hair.

He had said what he did, then saw Gwen and Daisy. If he had stayed, he would have kissed Anna and he knew that was completely the wrong thing to do. So he panicked, feeling that leaving was his only option. She was right, thereby careful. were things to say to her, things he had wanted to say for years. Maybe it was time. Where was this going? They couldn't swap texts for the rest of their lives. One thing was for sure, though. he didn't want to explain himself over a text message. It was risky, he knew that. Not for him, John didn't care if Vera found out about him and Anna, but he couldn't bear the thought of Anna's husband finding out and being unhappy, thus making her unhappy. They would need to be careful.

 **Can we meet somewhere, tomorrow or the day after? I want to do this face to face.**

He waited for a beat, tapping his phone against his chin before it vibrated once more.

 **The coffee shop at the station tomorrow. Ben is going to watch the football with his brother. 3.30.**

* * *

She walked into the house, completely dazed and confused, a million questions flying through her mind. How could John have said that? It was him who had left, it was him who had left her in limbo and here he was telling her it was taking all the effort he could muster not to kiss her, that he couldn't get her out of his head. He was married, promised his life to someone else and so had she. She should never have sent him that first message, although she quickly banished that notion from her mind. His messages had been most welcome, especially recently. But still, she deserved an explanation.

It had been a wonderful evening, chatting with him and remembering the old days. It still felt natural between them, it was so easy to talk to him. That was what scared her the most though. Talking to Ben these days was a chore, talking with John had been effortless. Like it always had been. Perhaps it was time to cut all ties with John, tell him tomorrow nothing could ever come of them so what was the point in the messages they sent? Despite all her reservations, maybe it was the closure she needed to hear the reason why John broke up with her. Finally.

Her mind was made up. It was time to stop and concentrate on her marriage to the man who had swept her off her feet, who deep down still was that man.

What surprised Anna as she took off her coat was to see that man coming down the stairs, looking worse for wear clutching a can of beer in his hand.

'Ben?'

'Where have you been,' he mumbled, reaching the bottom stair.

'Out with Gwen and Daisy, I told you.' Guilt suddenly rushed through her as she thought about who she had really spent her evening with. 'Why are you back so early? I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow.'

'Lost money at the casino so decided to come home,' Ben shrugged, Anna furrowing her brow, feeling uneasy at his current demeanour.

'I'm sorry, you can't win them all.'

'I wanted you here when I came in.'

Anna turned a shade angrier. The nerve of the man. 'Well, I'm sorry. I was out with my friends. What am I supposed to do whilst you're away, mourn until you...'

She began to move past him but her words were stolen from her as he pushed her with some force, she bumping into the hallway wall and bumping her temple against the plaster. For a moment, there was silence. Anna couldn't believe he had done that. She lifted her hand to the side of her face, the skin tender when it had made contact with the wall. Tears stung her eyes as she turned to regard her husband. She knew he had been stressed recently and taken it out on her with words, but to do this...

'Anna, I...' He gasped, reaching out to touch her but she brushed his hand away.

'Don't,' she whispered, cowering back against the wall. 'Don't touch me.'

'I'm sorry,' Ben continued to defend himself, seemingly having sobered up after his outburst. 'I dont know what came over me.'

'I'll sleep in the spare room tonight,' Anna murmured as she walked past him, cowering as he reached out to try and touch her once more.

'Anna please...'

'Just leave me alone.'

* * *

 **A/N 2- sorry to leave it like this, hope you all enjoy the last ever Downton. There shall be tears in my house, no doubt**.


	6. It Isn't Over

**A/N- If anyone has been waiting for an update, I am sorry it's taken so long. I have had a dreadful start to the new year in my personal life for many reasons so writing fan fiction has been the last thing on my mind. Christmas was awful, I haven't even brought myself to watch the DA Christmas special yet.**

 **Anyhow enough of my moaning, here's the next installment in this story and we finally find out why John broke up with Anna. It's not my greatest writing (not that I'm good usually) but it's the best I can do at the moment. As usual, flashbacks are in italics.**

 **I have written a next chapter of Playdate, but it needs a read through etc etc. Bear with me if you are waiting for that one.**

 **Disclaimer-** Nothing belongs to me...

* * *

 **Present Day**

Stopping in the hallway, Anna looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her face had bruised, even concealer couldn't hide the purple hue to the skin around her eye. She couldn't let anyone see her like this, that was for sure. The sound of the kettle boiling made her head snap up, Ben was still here. It was gone eleven, she had expected him to have gone and met his brother for the football by now. Sighing deeply, she supposed she was going to have to face him eventually.

Opening the kitchen door, Ben had his back to Anna, busy preparing what looked like a tray. A small vase of flowers sat upon it, the smell of the food he had made for her breakfast causing Anna's stomach to turn. She couldn't face anything to eat. He turned then, and Anna startled as his gaze met hers. His face was one of deep regret, shame even. He could obviously see her injury.

'God Anna,' he breathed, moving towards her causing Anna to take a step back. He stilled his movements and an uneasy silence fell between them as they held eye contact. Clearing his throat, Ben turned back to the counter. 'I made you some breakfast.'

'No thanks, I couldn't eat a thing,' Anna replied, taking a seat at the table. 'What time are you going out today?'

'I don't think I will,' Ben answered as he joined Anna at the table. He placed his hand over Anna's. 'Why don't we spend the day together?'

'No, it's alright,' Anna moved her hand away, grasping it with her other. She stared at the table. 'Go and see your brother. I want to be on my own.'

'Look Anna...'

'Ben, please,' Anna pleaded, this time lifting her head to look at him. 'Go and watch the football.'

Without another word, Ben rose to his feet, Anna hearing him shuffle about in the hallway before opening the door and shutting it behind him with a slam. In the next moment, she could feel her phone vibrate in her pocket. Sighing, wanting nothing more than to be left on her own, she looked at the screen to see a message from John. John. She had forgotten about their arrangements.

 **We still on for today? J**

 **I can't see you.**

Anna placed her phone down on the table with a thud, contemplating making a cup of tea. It only took a few seconds for him to reply, however, Anna turning her attentions to the device on the table and reading the words he had written.

 **I thought you wanted me to tell you everything?**

Everything. She had forgotten about that. It suddenly felt like the last thing she wanted. Especially now because it would have reminded her of how life could have been. In fact, seeing and being in contact with John was showing her how life could have been and perhaps it hadn't been good for her.

 **I think we should give each other some space for a while.**

She stood up after placing her phone on the table, but John had replied before Anna had even steadied herself.

 **Anna, what's going on? I'm sorry about last night.**

 **Please John. Ben's out till late. I just want to be on my own today**.

* * *

John just couldn't understand it. Anna had seemed almost desperate the night before to finally be told the truth. Now she didn't want to see him anymore. He hadn't realised he was pacing the living room floor as he thought about her. She had invaded his senses once again, he had let her. Although truth be told when it came to Anna his feelings were beyond his own self control. She was his biggest weakness back then, and she still was now.

Collapsing into the armchair, John couldn't help but think back to that fateful day. The day his life changed. They were happy, delirious even and had just made a momentous decision together. It had been almost a year since she had entered his life. Anna had been offered the opportunity by a family member to move to and work in Australia, and had asked John to move with her. It had taken some careful consideration, but the bare bones of it was that John knew he would follow Anna anywhere. The job came with an apartment, and John had made enquiries about joining the Australian Police Force. It seemed hopeful. The moving date had been set for January, giving them a few months to prepare.

What should have been a normal work day began with a call from John's commanding officer asking him to go and see Mr Smith at the local council offices. Mr Smith being Anna's father, Alan. He was the local councillor for the area, and a meeting with him would usually be the responsibility of one of John's superiors however the man had asked for John specifically. Despite being confused, John was never one to question an order and so made his way to the meeting.

* * *

 **2002**

 _John waited in the reception area, clasping his hands together. What could Mr Smith want? Any council business, be it organising policing for an event or anything like that was handled by his superior officer, even Alan had people to handle that side of things. He was a busy man._

 _Anna's parents had never really warmed to John. They were civil at best. John knew it was the age gap. It hadn't bothered him, all that mattered was what Anna thought. They were so happy. Moving to Australia was almost certain, and John couldn't' believe how lucky he was. Once her parents saw how happy Anna was with him, they would change their tune. He was certain of it._

 _It was then that Alan appeared at the door, ushering John into his office with a wave of his hand. The man didn't even make eye contact, John swallowing hard as he rose to his feet and entered the room. He watched as Alan shut the door then made his way to sit at his desk._

 _'John, please sit,' he gestured to the seat opposite him._

 _'Mr Smith, I...'_

 _'You're probably wondering why I asked to see you specifically, rather than one of your superior officers.'_

 _'I was curious,' John answered as he sat down._

 _'I want you to end things with my daughter.' John was struck dumb, staring back at the man before him with his mouth agape. Before he had a chance to formulate a response, Anna's father was speaking again. 'She told us you were going to Australia with her last night. This whole relationship you share, It's ridiculous, and it ends. Now.'_

 _'I'm sorry, it ends now?' John blinked slowly as he took in the resilient expression on the face of the man before him. 'Anna loves me and I love her. I'm not going to end anything just because you think what we have is ridiculous. What did Anna say about this?'_

 _'What she said is immaterial. She is just a silly girl who is trying to be an adult.'_

 _'She's 22, capable of making her...'_

 _'She's been brainwashed by an older man who should know better,' Alan spat, interrupting John. 'End it.'_

 _'Or what?'_

 _Alan took a deep breath before replying, John holding his gaze as he spoke. 'I'll sabotage your career. I hold a position of authority in this society, a position of trust, people respect me. Your bosses respect me. And when I tell them one of their officers seduced my daughter, forced her into some thing she doesn't want, is harassing her and won't leave her alone, they'll believe me over you.'_

 _'It's a pack of lies,' John shouted back, banging a fist on the desk. 'I respect Anna with every fibre of my being. I would never do that to her.'_

 _'It would be the word of a respectable, well liked politician with a family man image over the word of a randy policeman. Who are they going to believe?'_

 _'What do you have against me, Mr Smith? What have I done that's so terrible?'_

 _'You are seventeen years older than my daughter, I don't want her throwing her life away. She is too good for the likes of you. She can be anything she wants to be.'_

 _John inhaled deeply, looking at the floor as he considered Alan's words. In the beginning, John had agreed Anna was too good for him. But her love, her belief in him had made him realise just maybe he was the right man for her. She could do better, John knew that but she had chosen him and he'd be a fool to question it._

 _'And what if I don't end it? You sabotage my career. I'd still have Anna.'_

 _'You'd really want to pull her into the scandal that would create? The local politician's daughter being pursued by a dirty older man. You certainly wouldn't get a job in the Australian force once they hear this.'_

 _Closing his eyes, John clenched his hands into fists. He didn't want that. 'She'll be heartbroken.'_

 _'I'll take my chances,' Alan snarled before leaning closer to John across the desk. 'She can move to Australia earlier, she'll get over it once she's in the sunshine. End things tonight, and keep your career and Anna's dignity in tact.'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

Walking into his room, John took a metal tin from the bottom of his wardrobe. Sitting on the bed, John moved aside important documents like his passport, his paper driving licence and took out a blue envelope. 'Anna' was written on the front, in his hand. This was the letter he had written the night Anna had left for Australia. He had written in the note he wasn't sure if he ever would send it to her, but it had been cathartic to sit and write his inner thoughts down, to tell the love of his life what he was feeling as she left him, left him feeling numb and in despair.

He believed the thing that had stopped him sending it was that he revealed why he had broken up with her. You only get one set of parents, and John didn't want to ruin Anna's relationship with them, despite what her father had done. But things had changed now. At the party last night, Anna had revealed she rarely saw them, let alone got on with them. That saddened John a little, although it also gave him an idea. Not only had they spoken about the space in between back then and now at the party, they had also discussed where they lived.

In the next moment, John was putting the letter in his back pocket, grabbing his coat and car keys, his intention to drop the note through Anna's letter box.

They both seemed unhappy, and it might not change a thing, but it was time she knew the truth.

* * *

As she moved from the kitchen to the living room with a fresh cup of tea, a flash of blue out the corner of her eye made Anna look towards the door. She walked towards it, soon realising it was an envelope. Anna picked it up, noticing her name on the it over, she saw a hastily written note on the back.

'I wrote this the night you left for Australia. It's time you knew, whether you hear from me directly or read this letter. I'm so sorry. John.'

Anna gasped, realising the contents of this letter, what she held in her hand, would finally reveal what happened when John broke up with her. Suddenly, he was at the forefront of her mind. That day still sent a shiver down her spine, made her heart sink. She couldn't remember ever feeling as low as she had that day. Even today, with all that had transpired with Ben the previous evening. She closed her eyes at the thought of John walking away, leaving her there alone with her tears.

* * *

 **2002**

 _She opened the door to John's flat, using the key he had given her. It wasn't like him not to reply to a text message. Taking off her coat, Anna noticed light emanating from underneath the closed living room door. Straightening her hair as she moved towards the door, Anna opened it to see John with his back to her, sitting forward in the armchair with his head in his hands._

 _'John?' Her tone indicated it was more of a question than a greeting. It appeared her voice had startled him, John visibly jumping but keeping his back to her. 'Are you alright?'_

 _'We need to talk.'_

 _His voice was hoarse, had he been crying? Anna felt the concern consume her body as she moved to kneel in front of John on the floor. She placed her fingers around his but was taken aback when he removed his hand. She furrowed her brow._

 _'John, what is it?'_

 _He met her gaze then, and it was then Anna realised he had been crying. And whatever she had been expecting him to say, his next words were not it. 'I can't come to Australia with you, Anna.'_

 _Confusion reigned as she shook her head, trying to process his words. 'How do you mean? I thought we had decided...'_

 _'It's just not possible.'_

 _His tone was so cold, Anna had never heard him speak to her like that before. He seemed so excited about the prospect of starting a life together in Australia. Sure, it would be a change but if they had each other, they could do anything. Maybe he had decided he couldn't leave home, be that far from his mother. She was getting frailer by the day. One thing was for sure, Anna wouldn't go without him._

 _'Is this to do with your Mum, because if it is then we'll just stay here. The offer came out of the blue anyway and I'm happy at work so...'_

 _'You should still go, Anna. I think we should end this, before we both get in too deep.'_

 _'What?' Anna's voice was a whisper, she barely heard it herself so was surprised John had when he began to reply._

 _'Go without me, find someone more worthy of you. You can do so much better than me.'_

 _'I love you, you love me,' her tone sounded desperate but she was completely flummoxed, this had come from nowhere. 'What's happened?'_

 _'I've just realised you deserve so much more, you deserve to embark on this opportunity without me tying you down. You're so young, so much to live for.'_

 _Anna couldn't stop the whimper that left her, his demeanour was so emotionless, so empty like this was the easiest thing he had ever had to do. He was killing her and he didn't seem to care._

 _'But John...'_

 _'Look Anna,' he stood up abruptly, gently pushing her aside. Their gaze locked, she looking up at him from her position on the floor, Anna feeling the stinging of tears in her eyes as she registered the coldness in his glare. 'It's over. Forget me, and be happy.'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

She stared at the envelope, in two minds whether to read it or not. What would it change anyway? It would most probably tell Anna what she always suspected, John let his doubts overcome him, let them destroy what they shared. But there was a part of her screaming to open it, a part of her dying to know what he had said. Soon, Anna found herself sitting back on the sofa as she read John's words.

 ** _My Dearest Anna,_**

 ** _My cowardly demeanour means I'm probably never going to send this letter. I just wanted to write it, as if getting my thoughts down on paper would make them seem more real somehow. Right now, you're on a flight to Australia and I'm back here, feeling like a part of me is missing, like a part of me has died. And it's all my fault, I know that._**

 ** _For some reason which I will never be able to fathom, you wanted to spend your life with me and please know Anna, I wanted that too. More than anything. But I have let outside circumstances win, the weak man that I am. You see, I have to be honest, as much as it pains me to do so. It was your father and his threats that lead me to end our relationship._**

 ** _Using his position in society, he threatened to ruin my career, make out what we shared to be something sordid, that I had brainwashed you into something you didn't want. And I couldn't bear the thought of your name being sullied because of your association to me, however untrue your father's claims may have been. He would have been able to sabotage all I have worked hard for because of his authority, I've seen it happen before. He would have made me out to be some kind of predator, and people would have believed him._**

 ** _It's only now that you're gone, I realise that you are worth so much more to me than my career. If I could turn back the clock, I would have told him to do his worse, because at the end of the day I would have had you. But now it's too late. And I'm so sorry Anna, please believe me. Making you cry when I promised I never would, ending the only thing that has ever meant anything to me. I will live with that regret until my dying day._**

 ** _I will always love you, Anna. Always._**

 ** _John_**

She wiped away a tear she had only just realised was falling. Her father. She never believed him capable of it. He had always voiced his doubts over the relationship but to sabotage it in such a way. It was cruel, callous and as if her feelings didn't matter at all. Saving the face of his career was more important than his daughter's happiness. It explained why he had been so kind and sympathetic when she told both her parents John had ended things. He had even paid for an earlier flight to Australia so Anna could escape her heartbreak.

She felt something in her relent. John didn't do this of his own accord, it wasn't because he didn't love her anymore. It wasn't because he didn't want her. And reading his words and knowing they were still true today, Anna was realising she couldn't break contact with this man, not now. She didn't know what she wanted, all she knew was she needed to see John.

* * *

He thought he was imagining the knocking. It was probably Vera, he thought with a sigh. She still hadn't returned from her New Years night out, her only contact a brief text saying she was with Audrey. John didn't bother to turn on the light as he treaded down the hallway. He saw the figure in the doorstep through the frosted glass. Knowing his wife as only a husband can after years of marriage, John furrowed his brow when the silhouette didn't match that of his spouse. Intrigued, he opened the door and instantly felt the air leave his lungs.

It was Anna.

And without saying a word, she was resting her hands on his shoulders and crashing her lips against his. John could do nothing but reciprocate despite the confusion he felt. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins as Anna deepened the kiss, John placing his hands on her waist and pulling her closer to him. God, how he had missed this. Holding her in his arms. For the first time in years he felt alive, complete.

All too soon, she as pulling away and John had to ask.

'Anna, what the...'

The sensation of her palm on his cheek silenced him, the shimmering of unshed tears in her eyes made him want to ensure she never felt pain again. It was then he saw her eye. Did she have a bruise? Before he had a chance to ask she was speaking.

'I read the letter,' she whispered. 'I knew it must have been someone else who influenced you, I knew it couldn't have come from you.'

'I wanted to fight, Anna. Please believe me. But I couldn't have you tainted by your association to me...'

She hushed him but placing her finger on his lips. 'It's gone. It's in the past. I don't know what I'm asking of you, I don't know what will happen, I'm so confused but what I do know is I can't bear the thought of not having you in my life. I still love you, John. I need you.'


	7. Don't Forget Me, I Beg

**A/N- A shorter chapter but felt this sat well as a standalone chapter. Thank you for your reviews and kind words. Things are slowly improving.**

 **Disclaimer-** Same as chapters 1-6...

* * *

 **Present Day**

John busied himself in the kitchen, making them both a drink as silence reigned around them both. This was safe, Vera had sent him a message an hour ago to say she would be home tomorrow morning. Perhaps they could go out for lunch. He had disregarded her message and turned his phone off. She didn't matter anymore. John obviously meant nothing to her. Robert had given John his assurance during the day he would get in touch with his lawyer to set divorce proceedings in motion.

Anna had been quiet since she had followed him inside. She was looking around her surroundings, obviously intrigued about his home and as to how John lived his life. Truth was, this wasn't really home. Anywhere without Anna and her influence could never be deemed his home. Not since the day he had let her slip away.

The swelling and colour around her eye was hard to ignore, and John desperately wanted to know what had happened. That kiss, it had set his soul on fire, igniting something within him he never thought he would feel again. Anna had said she didn't know what she was asking of him, but John knew he would be anything she needed him to be. Absolutely anything.

'I'm sorry if this is a shock for you.' Her voice was barely a whisper, but John turned around instantly upon hearing it. 'I just read your letter and it was as if a giant weight had been lifted. I always knew deep down it couldn't have been your decision, it couldn't have come from you. And to know you still felt the same…'

She broke down then, the sob that left her tugging at John's heart. He closed the distanced between them, kneeling before her despite the protests of his knee. He pulled her head to his chest, pressing a kiss into her hair.

'My feelings have never changed, Anna. I thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn't have lies spread about us, I couldn't bear the thought of what we shared being tainted. It's only now I realise the thought of that is more bearable than the life I've lived since the night I let you leave my flat.' The sound of the kettle coming to boil made John lift his head, rising to his feet but taking Anna's hand in his. 'Coffee?'

She nodded. John prepared their drinks then brought them to the table, placing her mug in front of her with a gentle thud. Reaching for the chair next to her, he moved it a little closer, positioning it so he could face her. Anna met his eye and offered him a small smile. He did the same in response.

'Thank you.'

'My pleasure.' After taking a sip of his drink, John cleared his throat before finally asking what he had been dying to since she had arrived. 'Anna, what happened to your eye?'

She shifted uncomfortably, inhaling deeply. 'It's nothing.'

'It's clearly something,' he argued gently. 'Did your husband do this to you?'

'He loses his temper sometimes,' Anna shrugged. 'He was upset.'

'Did he hit you?'

'No.' She answered without missing a beat. 'He shoved me against the wall.'

'A little more vigorously than he had anticipated, I'd wager.' Anna didn't reply, instead choosing to lift her cup to her lips. She had jumped to her husband's defence so quickly, John wondered what Anna's intentions towards him were. He felt it right to voice his own intentions, perhaps doing so would make hers more obvious to her. 'I am going to divorce my wife, Anna.' Meeting his gaze, Anna furrowed her brow before John continued. 'The marriage has been over for a long time now.'

'Why are you doing it now.'

He tilted his head a little. 'You.'

Anna looked away from him. 'I said I don't know what I want yet…'

'But I do, Anna. I've told myself I'll be whatever you need me to be, and God knows I mean it.' He leant forward then, placing his hand upon Anna's. 'But seeing you again, talking to you again has made me realise I can't stay in this lie of a marriage. The only true thing I've ever felt is how I feel about you.'

'Am I being unfair to you?' Anna questioned suddenly, John noticing a tear rolling down her cheek. 'I am so confused. I'm married, I made promises to a man, someone I love and here I am at another man's house telling him I love him and I can't bear the thought of life without him.'

'I mean it, Anna. I'm here and I'll be whatever you need me to be. If you realise you want to distance yourself from me, I'll let you go with my appreciation for showing me the truth about my marriage. If you want to leave your husband, we'll run away together.' A realisation spread throughout John, hoping what he was about to suggest to Anna wouldn't offend her. But he had to ask. He moved closer, his lips close to her ear. 'If you want to see me and it be in secret for now, then so be it.'

He remained there for a moment, letting his words sink in. She wasn't moving away, in fact John thought he had heard Anna's breathing become shallow. Turning his head a little, John was sure his heart had stopped as he was met with Anna's half lidded gaze. He felt her breath flutter upon his face, having to inhale deeply to compose himself being in such proximity to her. Then he couldn't resist, lifting a trembling hand to her face, his fingers tenderly caressing the soft skin of her cheek.

'You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever met. That hasn't changed and it never will. You're everything, Anna.'

It was then she pressed her lips to his, gently brushing them at first. Warmth immediately spread throughout John's body. He had missed Anna's kiss, but it was only now he was realising how much, wondering how he had ever done without the feel of her lips against his.

She was pulling away all too soon, although she had taken her hand in his, her eyes trained in on their interlocking fingers resting in her lap. Her lips were upturned into a smile, it was still the most breath taking sight on Earth to John. 'Do you remember the last time you told me I was everything?'

John wasn't anticipating her question, but it made him sit up. He thought for a moment, thinking of their times together back when they had first met. Then it occurred to him. An afternoon picnic in the rolling Yorkshire hills on a summer's afternoon had lead to stargazing side by side at night.

* * *

 **2001**

 _The past couple of months had been heavenly. John had never felt happier. This beautiful young woman had entered his life and given it more light, more colour than John had could ever have wished for. Although at first he had voiced his concerns over their differences in ages, it had been Anna's words and her actions that had made him realise how right they were together._

 _They were experiencing some sort of Indian Summer, the warm weather extending well into September. On a day off, Anna had suggested a picnic, to make the most of the warm weather knowing how harsh the winter would probably be. Picking a local beauty spot, they had enjoyed each other's company, the sun shining brightly above them. Conversation had flowed, gentle kisses had been shared, words of love had passed between them._

 _Dusk began to fall and neither made the suggestion of packing away and leaving for home despite the crowds around them dwindling. They had long since made themselves more comfortable. Lying on their backs, head's touching, fingers entwined, completely at peace beside each other. Night soon fell yet it still felt so light out here in the open._

' _The stars are amazing, aren't they?' Anna murmured quietly, John finding the choice of her tone utterly enchanting beneath the moonlight. She always whispered in the dark. He didn't know why._

' _They are looking particularly beautiful tonight,' John had to agree. 'Although that could be because experiencing anything with you makes it inherently more beautiful.'_

 _She giggled at that, the noise warming John's heart. 'It makes me feel so small. How in the great scheme of things, we are just one tiny part of what makes up the universe.'_

 _He remained silent for a moment, considering her words. How could Anna not see she was so much more than a tiny part of the universe. His universe. John leant up on his elbow, looking down at Anna, her features illuminated by the soft moonlight above them._

' _Since you came into my life, everything has changed. I have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, a reason to smile. You are so intelligent, full of life, beautiful. You may be a small part of the universe to everybody else, Anna. But you so much more to me. You're everything.'_

 _She stared up at him through teary eyes, he placing a hand on her neck before moving his lips to meet hers in a soft kiss beneath the stars…_

* * *

 **Present Day**

They had finished their drinks, and Anna was announcing she had to leave, her husband would be home soon. And their sin suddenly hit home to him but John didn't feel an ounce of guilt. How could he when being with Anna felt so right?

John walked her to the door, she stopping once they reached it and turning to face him. He locked her eyes with his, placing his hand on the doorframe behind her.

'What do you want to happen right now, Anna? I'm not asking you to make any decisions, but I think I need some clarification.'

'I'll text you,' she replied sweetly, clasping her small fingers around his much larger hand. Despite how much bigger he was, their hands fit perfectly. Still, after all the years that had passed. She looked down. 'I need time. It may be wrong, in society's eyes it is but I can't spend that time without seeing you, without being with you.'

'Okay,' John nodded. 'It's alright you know. I don't mind.'

'But it's so unfair. I don't know why I can't just leave him, but there is something inside stopping me. We have the restaurant together, a home, there is so much...'

'I hurt you,' John interrupted her, placing a finger under Anna's chin and lifting her head to look at him. He needed to tell her he understood. 'I hurt you so much, Anna. You need to be sure about us. And most importantly, you need to be sure that your marriage is not what you want anymore.'

'We can still see each other in the mean time? In secret?'

'God yes,' John breathed, allowing a smile to overtake his lips. 'However you need me, whenever you need me I am here, Anna. Always.'


	8. Memories Made

**A/N It was very hard to choose whether to cut Anna and John loose in this chapter or have them show some restraint. I hope I have kept true to the characters in what I have chosen. Thank you for your kind reviews and follows. Life is a lot better at the moment. Basically, I split with my boyfriend of 12 years over Christmas and it hit me hard. But I'm getting there.**

 **As always, flashbacks in italics.**

 **Disclaimer-** Nothing belongs to me...

* * *

 **Present Day**

Having just got ready for his shift, the hectic Saturday service ahead of him, John stood in the doorway of his bedroom, surveying how empty it now seemed. His belongings remained, the few items he owned anyway, but all of Vera's possessions had been removed. She had left not half an hour before after collecting the remainder, leaving her key in the bowl on the cabinet by the front door before turning to look at John over her shoulder. Her expression was devoid of any sentiment, John thought he would have felt more himself. But he didn't. Relief was the overbearing emotion. He was finally free of a volatile, loveless marriage. Or he would be in a few weeks anyway, courtesy of Robert's lawyer.

Vera had seemed cool, collected, maybe resigned to her fate the morning John finally saw her and uttered the words, 'we need to talk.' John must have loved her at one point, he wouldn't have married her if he hadn't. She had asked him if there was anybody else. He felt telling her his heart had only ever belonged to one person wouldn't be the right course of action. John had simply shrugged.

'I haven't done anything to be ashamed of,' he had remarked, folding his arms before narrowing his gaze on his wife. 'Have you?'

Unable to hold his gaze, staring at the floor was all the answer John had needed. He had always known she was up to something, but had never found it within him to care, not in the past couple of years anyway. He had simply existed, drifting from day to day. Now Anna had come back into his life he had suddenly found a reason to live again, to be glad to wake up every morning.

Vera had told him she would need a couple of weeks, but that she would leave the marital home and find somewhere else. John had thought it was just as well, the house was bought with his money, but withheld that thought and nodded in response instead. Now it was two weeks later and she was gone.

Since that evening with Anna, it was as though John's heart and soul had been reborn. To know he lived in a world where she loved him and finally knew the truth, nothing else mattered. The knowledge that to all intents and purposes, their love was a sin, the fact everything was such a mess was immaterial. It didn't even matter to John that he would have to share her for the foreseeable future. Perhaps he should have been concerned that didn't bother him, but he wasn't. They would make it work.

They had met on numerous occasions. Needing to be careful, they didn't meet in the vicinity. They went to Café's where they were sure no one they knew would see them, they would go for walks, as far as John's knee would allow. When they were feeling a little bolder, Anna might sneak around to his house and they would hold each other, sharing their hopes for the future.

Walking into the kitchen, John picked up his phone from the table to see his first text message of the day from Anna. It simply read:

 **Good morning, can't wait for the day I can wake up next to you. A x**

John smiled at the very notion, remembering from the first time around how sweet it had been to watch Anna as she drifted into consciousness, the noises she made, the expression on her face. The inevitable groan that left her when she realised it was the morning. She had always hated mornings.

 **The anticipation of those moments are what I am living for. One day. J x**

Pleased with his response, John put his phone in his pocket before picking up his rucksack and making his way to the front door. Retrieving his cane from it's stand, John looked back over his shoulder. This was the first time he was going to work knowing when he came home, Vera definitely wouldn't be here. A heavy breath left him before his lips quirked into a smile. No more ambiguity. Life would be different from now on.

* * *

Pulling into the station, John slammed on the breaks of the train he was currently driving. The end of a ten hour shift, finally. It had been busy, John had felt some sympathy with the guards who had had to travel the length of the train numerous times to check tickets and deal with passengers and their requests and grievances. In his little cab, the door locked, John was in his own little world, able to let his mind drift to that of the woman who had invaded his heart from the moment he had met her and had never left.

They had shared various texts during the day, but she was working at the restaurant with Ben in the evening, and her contact had all but dried up since late afternoon. John had understood when Anna had said she couldn't just end things with Ben just like that. They had their problems, but their marriage hadn't deteriorated like John's had. She needed time. Despite now knowing all the facts, it didn't disguise the fact John had still hurt Anna. He had told her to use the time to make sure he was definitely what she wanted, too.

Stepping off the train, John shook hands with the guard from his last service before striding down the platform. Another Saturday shift over with. Leaving the station, John spotted where he had left his car in the car park, unlocking the vehicle the closer he got to it. After throwing his rucksack and cane on the back seat, he retrieved his phone to see a message alert from Anna.

 **I need to see you. Can you come over to the restaurant? A x**

Furrowing his brow, John tried to remember where the restaurant was. It was nearly an hour from his current location.

 **Of course. But I might not be there until nearer nine.**

Before John even had a chance to get in the car, Anna had responded.

 **That's fine. Just come here John. Please.**

 **I'm on my way.**

* * *

Anna paced the terrace outside the front of the restaurant, arms folded across her body to protect herself from the late winter chill. She manage to raise a smile to each of her workforce as they left intermittently, unable to work with three quarters of the menu unavailable.

Ben's temper had been coming to the fore ever since they had arrived back in England from Australia. However, he had never used it against Anna in public before. Since New Year, he had been relatively withdrawn. Anna didn't pursue him, he didn't really her. Little gestures around the house made her realise he was sorry, but nothing substantial.

This afternoon, when the delivery had arrived, the driver left only a small amount of what would have been needed for the weekend's trade. Anna had logged the order, had even managed to show her husband the order confirmation showing the items she had ordered, something must have gone wrong at the end of the suppliers. But Ben didn't accept this.

It was Anna's fault the delivery had been wrong, it was Anna's fault the restaurant's takings since the start of the new year had been down. She had listened to him rant and rave as their waiting staff looked on. Anna had never felt so small, so humiliated. She knew it was best to just stand there and take it, rather than fight back. That would just make him more angry.

When he had finished, Ben had stormed out of the restaurant and had taken the car. Anna had no way of getting home. Once the staff had given the place a good clean, Anna had realised there was nothing to do but send them home. And as the last couple of employees made their way out to enjoy what remained of their Saturday evening, Anna hadn't known what to do but to text the one person she needed to see more than any other. Gwen would have been the safer option, but she was busy managing the latest project her company had taken on.

The car park outside was now deserted, it was almost complete darkness outside. She had received John's text an hour ago, he wouldn't be long now. Just as she thought about going back inside to retrieve her belongings and lock the place up, the headlights of a car came into view at the top of the car park. She recognised the car instantly from seeing it outside his house. It was John.

She stepped forward in anticipation. Anticipation of being in his arms once more, anticipation of what he might say, she didn't know. Anna was watching his every move as he got out of the car. John opened the passenger door, Anna creasing her brow before realising he was reaching for his cane.

Then he turned towards the restaurant, and that was when he noticed her. He stood still at first, before making slow yet certain steps towards her. Anna stepped off the front patio, taking a few strides towards John to close the gap a little. He was still in his uniform, he must have come straight from work to meet her.

Having managed to hold in her emotions thus far, she found that seeing John in such circumstances was overwhelming. He had come running when she had called, driven for an hour after a long shift on his feet all day. All because she had wanted him. Anna couldn't stop the sob that left her as he stood not a couple of feet away.

'Anna, what is it?'

She collapsed in his arms then, his cane clattering to the floor as he gathered her in his embrace. Anna clutched onto the lapels of his jacket, soaking his shirt with her tears but he just held her tighter to him. A few moments passed before she felt John press a kiss in her hair. He released a steady breath before he began to speak.

'What happened?'

She moved her head to meet his gaze, his expression was filled with so much sincerity Anna felt like she would die from it. No one looked at her like John did. 'Ben. He just went mad. The delivery was wrong and…'

Her words were cut short by the restaurant doors opening and a couple of her staff chatting to each other. It was Ivy and Andy, the assistant chef and head waiter. Their backs were to them, and Anna hushed John quickly. She thought everyone had left.

'Anna must have left,' Andy was saying as he locked the doors. 'Who can blame her? Ben really through the book at her. I'd have been thoroughly embarrassed…'

'What do we do?' John whispered to Anna, knowing as soon as the two young people turned around, they would see him and Anna together and in the big expanse of tarmac ahead of them, there was seemingly nowhere to hide.

After looking left and right, Anna took John by the hand and lead him down a narrow alley beside the restaurant, it bordered by a seven foot wooden fence which hid the garden of the house next door. The alley was barely four foot wide and the position Anna had pulled them into, there was barely a sliver of daylight between them. Anna's back was pressed up against the brick wall of the restaurant, the front of her body touching that of John's.

Andy and Ivy's chatter had faded away, but Anna could only hear the blood that was thundering in her ears. John coming here when she had needed him without hesitation, being here right now and staring at her intently had her heart beating faster than it had in years. She hadn't noticed when, but his hands had found her hips, she could feel his breath was fluttering against her face. He was looking at her in a way he used to when they had first met, as if she was the only woman in the world. She could see his eyes were dark even in the dim moonlight and she felt a jolt of pleasure at her core.

'John, I…'

He silenced her by covering her mouth with his own, seeking to deepen the kiss almost immediately. John was clearly effected by their proximity as much as she was. As their kiss continued, Anna was transported back to a similar situation they had shared years previously, the first time around. Was John remembering the same thing?

* * *

 **2002**

 _Anna stood outside the club, waiting for John to finish in the bathroom. It had been far too hot inside, and she had been desperate for the coolness of the early morning air to soothe her. Clubbing had seemed like a good idea after dinner, Anna having not wanted to go home so early on a Saturday night, but there had barely been any room to move and every other club seemed packed to the rafters, too._

 _'I know I'm not getting any younger but even you must have felt like a sardine in there?'_

 _She turned to see John behind her, his brow glistening as a result of the effects of being in the stifling environment of the club. That lock of hair that always fell disobediently out of place was making an appearance._

 _'It was a bit busy,' Anna agreed as she brushed his hair back into place. She hooked her arm in his as they began to walk to the taxi rank._

 _'Your place or mine, Miss Smith?'_

 _Anna met his gaze, licking her lip as she pondered his question. 'Yours I think, Mr Bates.'_

 _They continued in a companionable silence until the taxi rank came into view. Anna sucked in a breath as she realised who was standing at the back of the queue. She stopped walking, John looking down at her with a sceptical gaze._

 _'Anna, are you alright?' Without a word, Anna was dragging him down a side road then up an alleyway. 'What the hell?'_

 _She pressed her finger to his lips before peering out into the street then ducking her head back in quickly and pulling John further down the alley. 'I am trying to avoid that person at the back of the taxi queue. He works with me and keeps asking to swap shifts and won't take no for an answer.'_

 _The alley was quite narrow, and Anna had subconsciously pressed John up against the wall. He hadn't replied to her, and when Anna realised this it was then that she met his gaze. He was smirking, his stare was intense._

 _'What?'_

 _It was then Anna noticed how close they were standing, and her breath hitched. Suddenly all thoughts of their location and who she was trying to hide from were lost as John brushed her lips with his own. It wasn't an innocent act and one look in John's eye made it obvious his intentions were anything but pure. Anna resumed the kiss and John pushed her back against the wall she was standing in front of, his hands resting perilously low on her back._

 _She could feel his desire against her stomach as their kiss continued, Anna could only see this going one way and it thrilled her more than any words she could possibly articulate. No one could see them down here. It was a dimly lit alleyway, on the other side of one of the surrounding walls a closed car park, the other an abandoned warehouse. It was just as well, she knew with the manner in which he was kissing her right now, neither could wait until they got home._

 _Feeling bold, Anna cupped John through the front of his trousers, he groaning into her mouth. 'Oh Anna.'_

 _'I need you, John,' she breathed in response._

 _'Here?' He asked incredulously, resting his forehead against hers, she recognising he was trying to regain some semblance of control. 'We can't. Let's just get home quickly.'_

 _'No one's around, no one can see. If we're quiet.' Anna hands were holding either side of John's face now. She could just about make out his features, but that only made the whole situation more incredibly sensual. 'Please.'_

 _The pleading tone in her voice proved to be his undoing, John moving his hands to just under her backside and lifting her up. Anna wrapped her legs around his waist, her dress hitching up to the top of her thighs. Using the wall behind them for balance, John ground against Anna once, then twice before dropping her to the floor once again. The tinkle of his belt buckle and their laboured breathing echoed in the silence, but nothing would stop them now. Anna had removed her underwear, placing them in her bag and dropping it to the floor in the time it had taken for John to undo his trousers, they now fell below his knees._

 _He was lifting her again, Anna instinctively moving her legs so they were around his hips once more. She could feel him hot and hard against her centre as he met her lips in another kiss before he stopped suddenly, his head resting against the wall behind her._

 _'Shit, I haven't got anything with me.'_

 _Taking a couple of seconds to catch on to his meaning, Anna shook her head in the darkness. 'It's alright, I have it covered.'_

 _'What do you mean?' he whispered in response._

 _She made sure her mouth was right against his ear as she murmured her next words. 'Well, we do this a lot and I wanted to make sure we were completely safe so I visited the doctor.' She pressed her lips to his ear before adding, 'I love the way you feel inside me John, don't make me wait any longer.'_

 _And he didn't, moving inside her in the next moment before beginning to thrust his hips up in earnest. He was already driving her close to the edge. God, he was so good at this. Anna buried her head in his shoulder, trying to stifle her moans. They may have been far from anyone else, but she didn't want to take the chance._

 _'I wish you didn't have to hide like that,' John said to her breathlessly, turning his head to kiss her temple. 'There's nothing I love more than hearing you when we are like this.'_

 _'This feels so dirty, doing this here.'_

 _John hummed his agreement, tightening his grip on Anna. 'Oh yes. Deliciously so.'_

 _'I'm close,' she murmured so weakly she wondered if John had even heard, and with another thrust of his hips, she came undone. Usually, this would make him slow his movements but this time John didn't, and she loved him all the more for it. She wanted him to seek his own pleasure from her, to feel as good as he made her feel. He moved his hips upwards twice more before his own cry of satisfaction was lost in the skin of her neck. He held her up for a few moments before Anna could feel her weight becoming too much._

 _'Bloody hell,' he grumbled as he slowly lowered her to the floor. His hands were either side of her head on the wall behind her. Anna took this opportunity to steal another kiss. 'You're beautiful.'_

 _'Only because you make me so,' Anna replied to him, he chuckling gently at her words._

* * *

 **Present Day**

'We can't, we shouldn't.'

John's harsh whisper brought Anna out of her reverie, completely lost in what she was sharing with John. His hands were everywhere, his lips were worshipping her and it was as if they were the only two people in the world. The sensations he was evoking within her were absolutely divine.

Anna responded by placing her hands under his jacket, resting on his shoulder blades through his shirt, pulling him closer to her. This was the first time she had taken a proper feel of John, this time around. Age had meant he was slightly heavier than he used to be, but he still possessed that same broadness she had loved from when she had first met him. In that moment, she needed him. And his breathing told her he needed her too.

'What no one knows won't hurt them.'

His groan was audible, Anna could sense him looking up the heavens, as if he were fighting some battle within himself. 'I can't let you do that, Anna. It's not who you are.'

'I only feel I can actually be myself when I am with you. It's always been like that. Only you have ever known the real me. '

'Be that as it may,' he continued to look upwards, Anna deciding to press her lips to his neck. 'I won't make love to you here, Anna. You deserve so much more.'

'It was alright back then, though.'

Her words caused him to lock his eyes on hers. 'You remember that?'

'Of course I do. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.'

'And mine.'

Their breath mingled in the air then as they stood still in the darkness, both their hands still taking possession of the other. John broke the silence, releasing a heavy sigh before speaking.

'There is so much I would have done differently back then, Anna. I want to do things differently this time around. Our circumstances are different now. We can't do this here, and you know that.'

Of course she did. She was a married woman, John was still a married man, although a soon to be a divorced one. No matter what they felt for each other, this wasn't the time or place.

'Okay,' Anna reluctantly agreed, 'you're right.'

John brushed his lips against her temple. 'Have you thought any more about leaving him?'

'I don't know,' Anna hadn't expected that question, it taking her aback a little bit. 'I need more time, to decide what to do, how to do it.'

'I am so in love with the way you make feel, Anna. Those feelings have never gone away. They never will. You know I've got all the time in the world for you. I'll wait forever if that's what it takes. You need to be sure.'

She nodded. 'Thank you.'

'Where would you like to go? Back to mine is a little risky, I take it. Especially if Ben starts looking.'

'Gwen's I think,' she relinquished her hold on him, 'if you don't mind taking me there?'

'Of course I don't.'

They entwined their fingers, and after stopping to retrieve his cane, John lead Anna to his car. He had meant what he said, he would wait his entire life for Anna. But he secretly hoped and prayed, it wouldn't take much longer, more for her sake than his own. He had never met the man, but this Ben seemed like bad news going from what the waiter had said. John knew one thing, he had better hope their paths never crossed.


	9. A Summer Haze

**A/N- Sorry for the delay in updates for those waiting for them, but I was away most of May. Thank you for all your reviews and favourites. I would like to say a special thank you to hopeformore, who sent me a rather lovely message which really made me smile.**

 **Same drill as always, flasbacks in italics.**

 **Disclaimer-** Nothing belongs to me, alas.

* * *

 **Present Day**

She loved meeting her friend for coffee. There was something about Gwen that made Anna's mood instantly lift. Entering the café, it wasn't hard to miss her in the corner of the room, chatting intently on her mobile, flailing her hand as she tried to get her point across. Lifting her eyes, Gwen waved once she noticed Anna. Anna waved back before crossing the room to join her.

'I don't care if it's your day off, I set you a fair deadline of this afternoon at five, and I want it done by five.' Anna grimaced slightly, Gwen rolling her eyes in an exasperated fashion in response. 'Fine. I'll give you until six. But no later.'

With those words, Gwen hung up her phone as Anna shrugged out of her coat. 'Mutiny in the ranks?'

'Honestly, you give someone two weeks to complete a task and on the day you expect it done they tell you they've been having trouble with it from the get go.' She ran a hand through her auburn hair, attempting to regain her composure. 'Anyway, how are you Sweetie?'

'Okay,' Anna replied, none too convincingly. She was met with an expression of scepticism from her best friend. 'What? I am.'

'I hope that husband of yours treating you right since his outburst at the weekend.'

Releasing a sigh, Anna picked up the menu and began to peruse it's contents. 'He is being charm personified, which is the annoying thing.'

Anna had revealed to Gwen about how close she and John had become, and although she didn't approve as such, she also knew it wasn't her place to dictate to Anna how to live her life. Although, that didn't stop her offering her advice.

'And what about John?'

'What about him?'

'Have you seen him?' Anna remained silent, her stare so hard Gwen was surprised she wasn't boring holes into the menu. 'Anna?'

'Saturday night,' she replied in a weak voice, willing the blush she could feel appearing on her cheeks to go away.

'Oh Anna, you didn't sleep…'

'Of course I didn't,' Anna was quick to interrupt, looking around them to make sure no one could hear. 'I'd had the argument with Ben, and I called John. He came straight over to the restaurant. We kissed, but that was it.'

'Do you want to be with John?'

Anna placed the menu back down in the table, looking anywhere but Gwen's face. 'I think so.' She placed a hand on her forehead. 'Doesn't that make me an awful person? Desiring a man who isn't my husband?'

'Not if your husband is a complete and utter idiot.'

' Thanks Gwen.'

'What has John said? Isn't he married as well?'

'He's filed for divorce.'

'He means it then.'

'See, he left me Gwen. And although I know the reasons now, he still didn't fight for us. But when I'm with him, well I've never felt so alive, so secure. Regardless of how he's been treating me recently, it's never been like that with Ben.'

Gwen tried to get the attention of a passing waitress before pointing something out to Anna. 'You can't keep John waiting forever. And either way, you have to leave Ben.'

'John has said he will wait as long as it takes. I know it's not fair, but I can't just leave Ben. Not just like that.'

'Why can't you?'

Gwen's question hung heavily in the air as she gave her order to the waitress, Anna following suit and ordering a cappuccino.

'What, no cake?' Gwen asked as the waitress moved away.

'Not really hungry.'

'Blimey, your conundrum must be bothering you if it's getting in the way of my best mate eating cake.'

That statement was enough to finally draw a smile from Anna. 'Do you know what Ben asked me last night?'

'No.'

'If we could try for a baby, perhaps it would be just what we needed to get back on track.'

Releasing a disbelieving chuckle, Gwen shook her head. 'Moron. What did you say?'

'Nothing really, I just asked to talk about it another time and went to bed.'

'Have you ever thought about children? You aren't getting any younger.' The waitress arrived at their table then, delivering their order as the two women fell silent, Anna rolling her eyes at Gwen's candidness. Making sure she was out of earshot, Gwen continued. 'Well?'

'Not really,' Anna stirred her coffee. 'Mum used to go on about it, but I've never contemplated them with Ben. Not for long anyway. Me and John mentioned it, back then…'

The conversation stopped abruptly when Gwen's phone began to ring. 'Sorry Sweetie, I need to take this.'

'That's fine.'

As Gwen launched into her conversation with whoever was on the line, Anna's mind was drawn to an occasion one Sunday morning when she was with John the first time around…

* * *

 **2002**

 _The room was beginning to lighten, the early morning sun shining through the window. After dinner the previous evening, it hadn't taken Anna much convincing to spend the night with John at his flat. And now here they were, legs entwined, her very naked back arching into his equally naked front, his chest hair tickling between her shoulder blades. He had been placing soft kisses on her neck for the past few minutes, Anna pretending to still be asleep to prolong the bliss his caress and touch brought her._

 _Upon John reaching a particularly ticklish spot on her body, Anna couldn't hide her conscious state any longer. She released a chuckle, and instantly John's arm around her waist tightened._

 _'I knew you were awake, you know.'_

 _She chuckled at his words. 'Liar.'_

 _'I'm a policeman, I'm not allowed to lie.'_

 _'Ahh, I see. So when you told me the last onion ring fell on the floor last night, rather than you eating it when I visited the ladies, that wasn't a lie then?'_

 _'It fell on the floor, Anna. Let's not drag this up again.'_

 _'And miraculously disappeared?'_

 _'I told you, the waitress removed it before someone slipped on it.'_

 _'Yes, onion rings. The well known cause of people in restaurants slipping over.'_

 _That latest rebuttal resulted in an attack of the ticklish variety on Anna, she eventually turning in John's arms and begging for mercy, which of course he granted._

 _'Marie at the shop is leaving to have a baby,' Anna revealed, rather out of the blue. John furrowed his brow, she recognising his confusion and explaining herself. 'It means a promotion may be in order for me, to cover her whilst she is on maternity leave.'_

 _'Ahh, I see.' John let his gaze drift down Anna's naked upper body, now revealed slightly to him in their new positions, facing one another. Her right hand was entwined with John's on top of the duvet._

 _'You looked at me then like I was speaking a different language.'_

 _'It was just a rather random remark to come out with, that's all. Until you explained why, of course.'_

 _'Do babies not interest you, Sergeant Bates?'_

 _'If I'm honest Miss Smith,' John shifted position, moving his arm under the cover to rest his hand on Anna's hip. 'Marie's baby doesn't really pique my interest, no.'_

 _Feeling a little bolder, Anna edged her naked form a little closer to John's. 'Have you ever thought about your own baby, John?'_

 _He took a moment to process her words, before his brow furrowed once more. 'Anna, you're not…'_

 _'Of course not,' Anna alleviated his fears with a laugh. 'But have you ever thought about becoming a Dad?'_

 _'Yeah,' John shrugged, a slight smirk playing upon his lips. 'Sometimes.'_

 _She turned rather more coy then, tangling the fingers of her newly freed hand in the hair on John's chest. 'I've thought about it. In the future, I mean.'_

 _'Right…' John's tone indicated he meant her to go on further._

 _'I'd like a boy called Harley, and a girl called Imogen…'_

 _'Well, firstly,' John sniggered, 'our son is not being named after a motorbike and secondly...'_

 _'Hold up,' Anna's voice caused John to stop talking. She blinked a few times before continuing. 'You said our son.'_

 _Nodding, John's look of confusion was back. 'Yes. Our son. Is that not alright?'_

 _'No no, it's perfectly alright,' Anna reassured the man beside her. 'It's just, such a lovely notion that it took my breath away for a moment.'_

 _It was then that John treated Anna to that smile that he seemed to keep reserved for her. 'Truth is, I've only ever thought about children when I've been with you.'_

 _'God, John,' she breathed, moving ever closer to him. He always knew the right thing to say. 'I love you so much.'_

 _'I love you too,' he replied just before she pressed her lips to his. He didn't know what he had said that warranted this reaction, but as Anna wrapped her leg around his hip, John wasn't about to question it._

* * *

 **Present Day**

As she thought about that morning a little further, Anna was bought out of her reverie by Gwen hanging up her phone call.

'Bloody hell. I'm sure trained monkeys could do a better job than those people who work for me. What were we talking about?'

'Babies,' Anna reminded Gwen before taking a sip of her drink. 'Me leaving Ben for John.'

'Woah, I never said leaving Ben for John. I meant you have to leave Ben, no matter what. Once an abuser, always an abuser.'

'He's not an abuser,' Anna hissed under her breath.

'Anna, he shouts at you like you are nothing, he bruised your eye by pushing you into a wall. That's hardly a doting husband, is it?'

'He's not like it all the time. Our marriage was fine up until a few months ago when the restaurant started to struggle a little and… '

'Why are you even defending him?' Gwen argued, 'you have basically admitted you love another man.'

Anna had to concede Gwen had a point, running a hand through her hair as something suddenly occurred to her. 'If I tell Ben I'm leaving him, he'll go ballistic. Especially when it's to be with someone else.'

'Well yes, he obviously won't be happy about it, will he? What you have to ask yourself is, is John worth taking that risk?'

Silence fell then as Anna thought about what was at stake. Her marriage had been crumbling since the first derogative comment Ben had uttered in her direction. He must be unhappy as well, to treat Anna in such a way. Then she thought about all the times she had spent with John, the way he had made her feel before he broke her heart, against his own wishes admittedly. How those feelings had never left her.

 _Their son._ Anna placed a hand on her stomach. She wanted that.

'Maybe we could run away?'

'Who?' Gwen asked through a mouthful of her blueberry muffin.

'Me and John. He suggested as much when he told me about what Dad did, but my mind was going at a hundred miles an hour I didn't really take any notice.'

'Now Anna, be sure before you make any rash decisions.'

'I need to see him,' Anna stood up, reaching into her bag for her phone. 'Work out what our options are.' She removed her purse from her bag and dropped a ten pound note on the table. 'This is on me. I have to go.'

'Anna,' Gwen called after her, but it was too late. She was on the street and already hailing a passing taxi.

* * *

Robert leant over the table to make the break, John inhaling sharply at his companion's impression of a skilled pool player. After what had seemed like an hour, Robert finally made contact with the cue ball, it travelling down the table and breaking the triangular formation of balls at the bottom.

'Hooray,' John exclaimed, beginning to limp around the table to assess which shot to take, using his cue as a cane. 'I was beginning to wonder if you were going to break this side of Christmas.'

Robert rubbed some chalk onto the end of his cue. 'Ha, ha. You should be being nice to me, what with my help in securing your status as a newly divorced man.'

'You know how grateful I am to you for that,' John remarked as he potted a red ball. Robert groaned as the ball moved through the table to its destination.

'So, a free and single man. The girls won't be safe now.' John cleared his throat, pretending to be a little too interested in the balls scattered on the table. Robert could read him like a book. 'What are you hiding, Bates?'

'Me?' John shook his head. 'Nothing.'

'Bates, tell me.'

'I've already been seeing someone,' John revealed with a huff before cocking his head to the side. 'Sort of.'

'Well, you son of a gun,' Robert chortled, patting John on the back. 'Who is she? Do I know her?'

John lifted his gaze then, meeting Robert's across the table. He couldn't lie to the man, not after all he had done for him. 'It's Anna.'

'Anna, okay. And what does she…' John could almost hear the penny dropping in Robert's mind. 'Hang on. Anna Anna?'

'Anna Anna,' John confirmed with a nod of the head.

'I saw you both at Mary's party but I thought that was just two old friends catching up,' Robert rested his chin on the end of his cue. 'Hang on, isn't she married?' John's silence said it all. 'John…'

'I'd wait forever for her, Robert. And I mean that.'

'Just be careful,' Robert advised as he lined up a shot. 'This is dangerous territory you are verging into.'

John's message tone filled the room then, he instantly pulling his phone from his pocket. Only two people sent hi text messages, and one of them was in the room with him. Anna's name flashed on the screen.

 **I'm at your place but you're out, obviously. I need to see you. Don't rush, but what time will you be home? A x**

'Who is it?' Robert leant over the table ready to take his next shot. 'Or do I need to ask?'

'She's at my place. Needs to see me apparently. She's said not to rush, but wants to know what time I'll be home.'

Robert's yellow missed the middle pocket. 'But we've just set up this game.'

He knew it was childish and wrong, but John only had one person in his mind as he lined up the cue ball with the black and potted it masterfully.

'Bates, you absolute wanker…'

'Sorry mate. If you knew everything about the situation, you'd know why I can't keep her waiting.' And with those words, John retrieved his cane and left.


	10. Yesterday Was The Time Of Our Lives

**A/N A slightly longer chapter, and a bit of present day heat. Thank you for all your kind comments.**

 **Disclaimer-** still don't own John or Anna...

* * *

 **Present Day**

John pulled onto his driveway, immediately noticing Anna sitting on the doorstep. He watched as she rose to her feet, turning off the ignition of the car and meeting her gaze. She smiled weakly. He reciprocated. In the next moment, he was opening the drivers door, exiting the vehicle as quickly and gracefully as his injured knee would allow.

No words were spoken as he retrieved his cane from the back of the car, the sound of the doors opening and closing echoing in the silence. Gravel crunching caught John's attention, and he looked to his right to see Anna closing the gap between them.

'Hey,' she almost whispered, the smile returning to her lips.

'Hey,' John shut the door and balanced himself against his walking aid. He furrowed his brow. 'You okay?'

'I'm sorry to call you a away from whatever you were doing.'

'Any time you call you know I'd come running, Anna,' He looked down at his cane, 'well, maybe not running but you know what I mean.' He gestured for her to follow him inside as they shared a laugh at his self deprecating remark.

No words were exchanged as they moved into the hallway, Anna standing awkwardly whilst John placed his keys on a hook on the wall. Shrugging out of his coat, Anna did the same. He took her jacket, squeezing the smooth material in his fingers.

'I just had to see you,' she finally said, exhaling a heavy breath. He allowed her to continue as he rested his cane against the wall under his coat. 'I was out with Gwen, we were having a chat and she clarified a few things for me, in a way only she can.'

John nodded at that, he remembered from days gone by how forthright and honest Gwen could be. 'So, what did she clarify for you?'

Anna looked through to the living room. 'Can we sit?'

'Of course.' John placed his hand in his pockets, allowing Anna to walk ahead of him. He ran his gaze over her form as she walked. She was absolutely breathtaking, he still couldn't believe she was on the verge of giving him a second chance. Anna sat on the sofa, John choosing to sit in the armchair beside her. To give her some space. 'You only interrupted a pool match with Robert. He should be grateful, you saved him from a drubbing.'

'You're very sure of yourself,' Anna's face was brightened by her smile, 'I used to beat you all the time.'

'I was being chivalrous, my darling,' John teased with a wink.

'Yeah, yeah,' Anna wasn't convinced. God, how he had missed this. The playful side to their relationship that had never really been evident in what he shared with Vera, not towards the end anyway. 'Well thank you for coming here so quickly.'

'I mean it, Anna. Any time you need me, I'm there. You're what's most important to me now.'

She bowed her head upon hearing his words, 'I'm sorry to keep you hanging on when you are so sure of what you feel.'

He reached across the gap between them, leaning over the arm of the chair as he placed his finger under her chin, lifting her head to meet her gaze. 'I'll wait forever, Anna. I mean it.'

'I know you do.' Her smile caused his heartbeat to quicken. She closed her eyes. ' Ben wants us to try for a baby.'

Whatever he had been expecting Anna to say, that hadn't been it. Had she come here today to end things? Although he knew he didn't deserve to have her back, he wasn't sure he could take losing her for a second time.

John sat back a little in the chair, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth as he processed her admission. 'Right. Well that's only natural. He is your husband, you are his wife. Husbands and wives have babies together...'

'I can only imagine being a mother to your children.' Wow. Her words hung in the air. John was astonished. He was sure he must have looked how he was feeling because Anna was speaking again, voicing her apologies. 'I'm sorry if that's inappropriate...'

'What do you want, Anna?' John found himself asking. Her admitting such a thing, although it warmed his heart, confused him somewhat when she was reluctant to give everything up and leave.

'I want you, I want to be with you. Please believe me.'

'I do.'

'But my situation is different to yours.' John narrowed his gaze on Anna as he listened to her. 'You've admitted to yourself your marriage was over a long time before you ended it. Up until a year or so ago, we were happy.'

'You're not happy now, though. Are you?'

She looked away from him, staring at the floor. 'No, I'm not.'

'Come here.' Sitting back in his chair, John gently patted his lap. Anna looked at his legs before meeting his eyes, laughing slightly. 'Please.'

Anna rose to her feet, standing before him and looking down with concern. 'Won't I hurt you?'

'Just put your very slight weight on my left leg, we'll be fine.' Doing as she was instructed, Anna lowered herself on his left leg, resting her own legs over his right one. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly to him. Anna rested her head on John's shoulder. 'Alright?'

She hummed her appreciation. 'Perfectly.'

'What did you say to Ben, when he asked you?'

'Nothing,' Anna was toying with a button at the collar of John's polo shirt. 'Just asked to talk about it another time and went to bed. I want to be with you, but I can't be here to deal with the fall out. Ben won't like it, and I know more than most what can happen when he's antagonised.'

'It isn't right, Anna. You shouldn't have to live like this.'

'I know.'

'If I hadn't been such an idiot fifteen years ago you wouldn't have had to...'

'Ssh,' she silenced him, not wanting to hear his apologies any longer. 'It's done, it's in the past. We've found each other again. All that matters is what happens now.'

'I can get Robert involved,' John spoke with conviction. 'His lawyer helped me out. I'll do whatever you want me to do.'

'Thank you, but you just holding me is enough for now.' John held her tighter, turning his head to breathe in the scent of her hair. 'In your arms like this, I can almost believe we are the only two people in the world. It's just you and me, and that's all we need.'

'It's all I need.' Pressing a kiss to her hair, an idea suddenly came to John's mind. 'We could go to Ireland whilst the dust settled. Do you remember my cousin, Aidan?'

Anna lifted her head, a smile tugging at her lips. 'Of course I do. He was the life and soul when you took me to meet your mother and family...'

* * *

 **2002**

'Anna, would you relax?' John shut the boot of the taxi with a slam. 'They are going to love you.'

'I've never met a boyfriend's mother before,' Anna replied, wrapping a strand of hair around her fore finger. 'Or his aunt or cousin.'

John paid the taxi driver before standing back as he drove away. He turned to look at Anna once more. 'Mam is the most easy going woman you are ever going to meet. You have nothing to worry about.'

She needn't have worried. From the off, Elizabeth Bates had made Anna feel nothing but welcome. His cousin, Aidan was as friendly as they came and was keen to learn everything he could about the young woman who had stolen his cousin's heart. Eileen, Elizabeth's sister and Aidan's mother was a little more reserved but no less welcoming. Gillian, Aidan's fiancée was also very welcoming and owning her own clothes shop, Anna felt she had found a kindred spirit despite the woman being a few years her senior.

'I can't believe a stunning young lass such as yourself looked twice at my cousin, Anna,' Aidan exclaimed as he patted John on the shoulder.

They had congregated for tea in the living room after the dinner that Elizabeth had made, Anna and John side by side on sofa, Aidan behind them and the two older women taking an armchair each. Gillian was making the tea in the kitchen.

'Yeah well,' Anna looked up at John who seemed a little annoyed at his cousin's goading. 'He swept me off my feet.'

'Well he certainly made a fine choice in my eyes, Anna,' Elizabeth said, her smile reaching her eyes. 'Let's hope he treats you the way you deserve to be treated.'

'Well he has up until now.'

'I bet he has,' Aidan whispered under his breath, John catching on to his hidden meaning and elbowing him in the ribs as he walked around the front of the sofa. He sat in front of his mother on the floor. 'What was that for?'

'You know what for.'

'Boys, behave,' Eileen gently warned, both men ceasing their argument.

Anna had heard Aidan's words and couldn't help the smirk that passed over her lips as she watched the bickering cousins. She chose to change the subject. 'Thank you for lunch, Mrs Bates.'

'Ahh, get away with you,' Elizabeth waved away Anna's praise.

'Here Aidan, we can't be too much longer with this party tonight.' Gillian had arrived in the living room with the tea tray she had prepared.

'Oh yes, Tucker's birthday party,' Eileen rolled her eyes. 'I hope you don't let him drink too much with that friend of his, Gill. You know how they get.'

'Old Tucker eh?' John remarked with a smile. 'How old is he turning?'

'Thirty four,' Gillian answered, offering John a freshly poured a cup of tea. 'You'd think the two of them would know better. Last time they went out drinking together, he was pushing Tucker up and down the high street in a shopping trolley as they both sang Danger Zone from Top Gun.'

John began to laugh heartily, Aidan joining in before a stern look from the three Irish women caused the laughter to stop rather abruptly. John eyed Anna who was looking on at the situation in amused curiosity.

'Here, maybe John and his lass should come along,' Gillian suggested as she finished handing out the tea before beginning to pour herself a cup. 'He could help me keep an eye on you.'

'Oh, we really wouldn't want to impose...'

'Rubbish,' Aidan brushed away John's concerns. 'The more the merrier and Tucker would loved to see you. It's a right proper do, disco and everything.'

He looked at Anna. 'Well?'

'Sounds like fun.'

A couple of hours later, they were well into the swing of things. The drinks were flowing and Anna was made to feel so welcome by people John had grown up with. He held her hand the whole time, telling everyone Anna was his girlfriend. It felt wonderful to be treated in such a way. However, what John hadn't been expecting was one of his ex girlfriends to be there.

Gillian was ruling the dance floor, taking Anna under her wing. Whilst they were dancing, John was getting another round of drinks in when he was approached by Ingrid. She had been his first love, and their relationship had ended when he found her cheating on him with one of his friends. She had begged him to give her another chance, although he had refused, moving to England soon after.

'You're looking well, John,' Ingrid squeezed his bicep. 'What brings you home? Thought you were a plod in England now.'

'I am,' John shook his arm away. He stood taller. 'I've bought my girlfriend over to meet my Mam.'

'Oh, the blonde,' Ingrid shook her long, brunette hair as she turned to take in the sight of Anna, laughing and dancing with Gillian. 'She's a bit young for you, no?'

John's tone was resolute. 'It works for us.'

'I bet it does, you being the elder party.'

Shifting agitatedly, John rested his hands on the bar. 'Was there anything else, Ingrid?'

'Come on, John.' Ingrid wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 'We were good together. How about a go for old times sake?'

'I have a girlfriend, Ingrid. No.'

'What, that little girl over there?'

'That little girl, as you deem her is my one and only. She is beautiful, and she is mine.'

'Everything alright, John?' Looking over his shoulder, John saw Anna standing behind him. 'Excuse the cliche, but they are playing our song, and I wanted to ask if you fancied a dance?'

He hadn't noticed the opening of the song, such was the distracting nature of his ex, but he smiled as he recognised Coldplay over the speakers, the song they had danced to at New Years.

'I'd love that,' John took Anna's hand, allowing her to lead him to the dance floor without a second glance back to Ingrid.

'I heard what you said, you know,' Anna revealed to him. 'About being yours.'

'Ahh,' his smile was uneasy. 'Is that okay?'

She answered him by pressing her lips to his...

* * *

 **Present Day**

It was much later when Anna woke up, still in John's embrace. The room was darker. She had never felt so comfortable in all her life. Being in his arms was where she found peace, where she felt most safe.

'Hello sleepy head,' he whispered softly, kissing her temple.

'How long did I sleep for?'

'Only an hour,' John replied, 'I didn't have the heart to wake you. Do you have anywhere to be?'

She shook her head no. 'Ben is looking after the restaurant tonight then is off to watch the football at his brother's.'

'So you can stay for a while?'

Stretching a little, Anna answered with a yawn in her voice. 'I can stay for a while.'

Turning her head, Anna was unable to resist placing a kiss on John's neck. She swallowed thickly, before pressing more kisses to his neck then rising higher to his cheek. She heard John inhale deeply, felt his jaw clench beneath her lips and him shift underneath her.

'Anna,' she heard him gasp. She silenced him by covering his mouth with hers, caressing his lips, lingering against him.

Both their breathing was heavy, eyes half lidded. John resumed the kiss, Anna feeling the sensation of his tongue sweeping against her bottom lip and groaning aloud. Allowing him to deepen the kiss they were sharing, Anna felt his hand on the base of her spine, having found his way underneath her blouse. His touch was electrifying, Anna tangling the fingers of one hand in his hair, trying to cope with the sensations he was emanating within her.

Ben, cheating on her husband was the furthest thing from her mind as her free hand worked its way beneath the collar of John's shirt, coming to rest on the coarse hairs of his chest. This movement caused John to respond with vigour, Anna not stopping him as he began to unbutton the top few buttons of her blouse. Her bra was now clearly visible, Anna feeling the cool air against the top of her breasts.

All the while, their lips hadn't parted, the kiss reminding Anna it was only ever John who had made her feel like this. She felt out of control, like some need begged to be sated. She couldn't get enough. Then he was breaking the kiss, moving his lips to brush against the skin of her breasts and Anna moaned. Her head falling back as she clutched on to John's shoulders, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to just feel.

His hands pushed the material of her bra away, freeing her right breast. Using his left hand, John caressed her gently. It was heavenly, her heart was racing. He was kissing her cheek as his fingers worked against her skin. Before long, he was taking her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, in a way Anna had always enjoyed, it tightening almost immediately. He obviously remembered, Anna was sure she could feel him smiling against her neck.

Relinquishing his touch on her neck, Anna was momentarily confused until she realised his lips were on her breast, his teeth gently teasing her hardened nipple. Anna felt it rising from her core, that undeniable sensation that she needed to feel more.

'Ohh, John.' The pleasure in her voice echoed around them for a moment before she felt John pulling away, restoring her modesty and leaving her confused. 'What's wrong?'

His voice was breathy as he spoke. 'I lost control for a moment.'

'I didn't want you to stop.' And God knows Anna meant it.

'You are another man's wife, Anna.'

Suddenly her husband was at the forefront of her mind. 'What Ben doesn't know won't hurt him. Weren't you enjoying that?'

Anna felt John lift his hips slightly, the signs of his still lingering arousal evident in the side of her left thigh. 'What do you think? That's what you do to me Anna. I had to stop.'

She groaned, burying her head in his shoulder. 'This is so unfair.'

'Don't think I don't want it, Anna,' John whispered in her ear, his tone dark and filled with sincerity. 'It's taking all the willpower I have to not lay you on that sofa and make love to you. The noises you were making then, the feel of you. Believe me.'

'Please...' She was begging, but she didn't care. She was acting on something that went beyond words, a primal instinct that she hadn't felt since John had said goodbye all those years ago.

'We can't,' John reiterated, 'if your husband ever found out where would that leave us? What would people think?'

She knew he was right. Their actions this afternoon were enough to put her in a vulnerable position if Ben ever found out. In the next moment, John was fixing Anna's clothing.

'Thank you.'

'Well, it was me that undid it.' Anna couldn't help but release a laugh at that, she took her hand in his once he had completed his task. Clothing restored, they sat for a few moments, Anna resting her head on John's shoulder. John broke the silence. 'Are you hungry?'

'A little.'

John indicated for Anna to rise to her feet before she found herself being lead to the kitchen. 'Sit. I'll see what I can rustle up for us.'

It shouted of domesticity as John fried them some eggs, a feast of egg on toast most welcome. They ate and spoke companionably, John talking about his job and that he was currently studying a new route that would be added to his rota. It felt so natural, being here with John like this. Earlier, in the chair, there was that side to them. But this, talking to each other and the conversation flowing so effortlessly, that was what Anna wanted.

'I think we should go to Ireland.'

John's chewing instantly stilled, he meeting her gaze. 'Really?'

Anna nodded. 'Yes. Sooner than later. If Robert can help like you say he can, then please can we ask him?'

'Of course,' John replied. 'I'll call him first thing in the morning but Anna,' he reached across the table, taking her hand in his. 'Are you sure?'

'I am. I loved your family the first time around. I need you in my life and just going on like this is doing neither of us any favours, let alone Ben. He'll be angry, though.'

Placing his cutlery on the edge of his plate, John moved around to Anna's side of the table, crouching beside her despite the complaints of his knee. 'I'll be beside you. All the way.'

'I know. And that is what makes me realise I want to do this, that I have the strength to do this.'

'Alright,' John nodded. 'I'll give Aidan a ring tomorrow, too. See what he says.'

'Thank you.'

As John returned to his seat, Anna breathed a sigh of relief. She had made the decision, they had a plan. Now was the time to find the courage to carry it through. But one look at the man opposite her, and the memories of what they shared made her realise she could do anything if it meant at the end of it, she was with him.


	11. I Couldn't Stay Away

**A/N- finally found a couple of hours to update this story. Hope you enjoy and thanks for your kind words and reviews.**

 **Disclaimer-** nothing belongs to me...

* * *

 **Present Day**

It was a pleasant, spring afternoon. John was currently enjoying his first day off in two weeks, such was the way his shifts worked, and in turn the first time in a fortnight he had seen Anna. She had told Ben she was with Gwen, and as she sat beside John on an old park bench, she didn't feel a hint of guilt as her hand entwined with his. The skin of his newly bare ring finger was still smooth to the touch, a reminder of all John had done to ensure they could be together.

In her free hand was a white envelope, papers enclosed that held the key to their future together. Divorce papers. Robert's friend had drawn them up, citing the reasons as irreconcilable differences. It was the truth. Ben had stepped up his efforts to convince Anna to have their child, and Anna had realised it was something she definitely didn't want. John was what she wanted, now she had to choose her moment to break the news to Ben.

'I'll be with you when you tell him, if you want.'

Anna was shaking her head. 'It's going to be bad enough, but with you there, it will be ten times worse.'

'I don't want you alone with him, Anna. It turns my stomach you go home with him every night now as it is.'

'He's my husband.'

'He's hurt you,' John argued back, his words a little harsher than he had meant. John lifted his hand to lightly brush his knuckles against the fading injury Anna had suffered at the hands of the man she had married. 'I'm scared what he might do to you.'

'I'll ask Gwen to be there. Not in the same room but the house at least.'

This served to alleviate John's fears somewhat, his demeanour easing as he leant back against the bench once more. Silence fell between them then, John releasing his grip on Anna's hand and choosing instead to wrap his arm around her. She responded by resting her head on his shoulder. This felt so right, John thought to himself. They simply fit together. He rued the day he allowed a bitter man to destroy what they shared. So much heartache could have been avoided.

'Have you spoken to your parents recently?'

Clearly not expecting the question, Anna looked up at John with a quizzical expression. 'They called me to say they had got home from their cruise safely, but that was about three weeks ago.'

'So your Dad doesn't know you know?'

'No,' Anna whispered. 'But we've barely seen each other since I came back from Australia. They are too busy travelling and what not. And the times I do see them they worship the ground Ben walks on and it gets a bit grating.'

'Because he's not me.'

As she leant forward, John rested his hand between Anna's shoulder blades, she looking back at him. 'What makes you say that?'

'Well, your Dad made it more than clear I wasn't suitable, and your mum never really made me feel welcome. I'm not surprised they'd be all over the man who they deemed the better choice for their daughter.'

Surprisingly, it had never occurred to Anna that that would be the reason they lauded Ben so much. Why would it when she didn't know then what she did now. 'Yeah, well. He's not better for me, is he?'

'No.'

'And they'll find out soon enough that for me, there is no better man than you.'

John smiled at her words as she moved back into his embrace, placing a gentle kiss on her temple. 'Aidan says we can move over whenever we are ready.'

'What did he say when you told him we were back together?'

'He said it was wonderful news, and about time I left Vera. We can stay with him whilst we sort ourselves out. I have savings, and with the sale of the house we can afford to buy our own place. Nothing grand, but comfortable.'

'It sounds wonderful, talking about the future together.'

'It certainly does.' John pulled her closer to him. 'Gill and the kids will be there too, obviously, so it will be a tight squeeze but he thinks we can manage it in the short term.'

'They have kids?'

'Yeah, two. A twelve year old boy called Kyle, and a nine year old girl called Isobel. I am their Godfather.'

'Really? That's wonderful.'

'Yeah, they are great kids. I speak to them on FaceTime regularly. Aidan announced they were expecting Kyle at their wedding reception.'

Anna released a small chuckle. 'I bet that was a party and a half.'

John shrugged. 'I was a groomsman and remember all I felt was lousy because it wasn't long after I had let you go. Mam laid into me big time that day...'

* * *

 **2003**

 _Taking another sip of his lager, John tried to force a smile as he watched Aidan and Gillian so in love on the happiest day of their life, sharing their first dance as husband and wife. As the sounds of Someone Like You by Van Morrison echoed around him, John couldn't help but think of the love of his life._

 _She was in Australia now, building a new life without him and the thought made John want to drink until he couldn't feel the pain, couldn't remember the look on Anna's face as he told her it was over. Ever since that night, every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the hurt in her eyes, the tear that rolled down her cheek, could hear the desperation in her voice as she begged him to reconsider. John wasn't sure there was enough alcohol in the world to drown out those memories._

 _'It's_ your own fault you know, boyo.'

 _Turning his head, John noticed his mother had rejoined him at their table. She had clearly been enjoying herself, catching up with family and feeling pride as she watched her only nephew get married._

 _Sitting back in his chair, John put his lager on the table before regarding his mother. 'What's my fault?'_

 _'That you're miserable as sin on a day like today. Your cousin has got married and has announced he is to become a father.'_

 _'I'm not miserable as sin,' John protested, loosening the knot on his deep purple tie. His tailcoat had long been discarded but his mother had insisted he keep his waistcoat and tie in tact. He was a groomsman until the newlyweds left for their honeymoon and should take his role seriously._

 _'You could have fooled me. I just hope when the pictures are developed that Aidan and Gill don't notice how fake your smile was.'_

 _Wiping his brow, John turned his attentions back to the happy couple. 'I miss her Mum.'_

 _'Then why did you let her go, you eejit?' John wished he could tell his mum the truth. 'The best thing that ever happened to you, that girl. And what do you do? You lose her.'_

 _As the first dance ended, it was just John's luck that the next song would be what it was. Yellow began to fill the room, and suddenly John felt like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Rising to his feet, he walked passed his mother and was soon in the fresh air of outside. The wedding car stood nearby, decked out in white ribbons._

 _John turned his back on the vehicle and reached into his pocket to retrieve his cigarettes. As he placed one between his lips, he soon realised he had left his lighter in the breast pocket of his tailcoat._

 _'Ahh shit,' he cursed himself, removing the cigarette from his mouth. It was then that he heard a voice, causing him to look up._

 _'Need_ a light?'

 _Standing before him was a brunette woman possessing the most striking green eyes John had ever seen. She wasn't breathtakingly beautiful, but there was something about her that meant John couldn't avert his gaze. Realising she had asked him a question, John nodded._

 _'Allow me,' she growled in her Irish burr, indicating for John to put the cigarette back between his lips. He did so, before she lit it for him. He took a long drag, retaining eye contact with the mystery woman. 'You know, most people meet their future spouse at weddings.'_

 _'Bride or groom,' he found himself asking in response to her rather forward remark._

 _'Neither, I work on the bar. I'm on my break.'_

 _Nodding, John offered his hand. 'I'm John.'_

 _She wrapped her hand around his. 'Vera.'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

'Why do I even have to be here?' John asked as he followed Robert into the grand function hall, hands firmly in his pockets. 'She's your daughter, not mine.'

'You know how important these charity functions are to Mary, her chance to network and publicise the business. Plus Cora has sidled off to America to visit family and left me in the lurch. There was no way I was coming here alone.' Once they reached the bar, Robert signalled for the barman. 'Bitter?'

'Coke.'

'Oh, come on John. Live a little. Won't you even have a shandy?'

'I am working tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to risk it.'

With their drinks purchased, they found a table in the corner of the room. Mary had been to see them, and made her apologies that she may not have a lot of time for them, what with greeting all her guests. Robert told her it was absolutely fine, he and John would be quite happy sitting in the corner and putting the world to rights. Secretly, John was wondering why they had to be here at all when for the most part, Mary wouldn't even realise they were there anyway.

'So, how's Anna?'

A smile instantly passed over John's lips. 'She's fine. She says thank you for the papers. It's all about finding the right time to give them to her husband now.'

'Then you'll be deserting me for the Emerald Isle,' Robert sulked before finishing the remainder of his pint in one long sip.

'I'm sure you'll learn to love again, my friend.' Robert didn't reply, instead John noticed his eyes grow wide as he looked towards the entrance. 'What?'

Looking in the direction Robert was, John inhaled sharply as he saw Anna beside Gwen, but beside them was a man who was resting his hand on the small of Anna's back. It must have been Ben.

'Shit, I'm guessing that's her husband.'

'Must be,' John agreed, unable to stop staring. The way Gwen was greeting Mary, it was clear the latter had invited the former, and Anna and her husband were her guests. However, John hadn't been prepared for Anna to meet his gaze. She was visibly shocked to see him there.

'You can't go over there,' Robert advised his friend. 'He may not be for much longer but she is out with her husband and you are her bit on the side, so to speak.'

'I know,' John snapped back. 'Obviously I'm not going to go over.'

With their greeting and introductions over, Ben made his way to the bar as Gwen and Anna found a table. Once sitting, Anna looked up to see John still staring. If Ben saw him, it wouldn't end well. They had argued over John once before, the night they had come back into each other's lives. He would remember.

'Why is he here?' Gwen asked, bringing Anna out of her transfixed manner.

'The man he is sitting with is his best friend and Mary's father. I'm guessing he is his guest this evening.'

As she shrugged off her shawl, Gwen continued to protest. 'If Ben hadn't insisted on joining us, this wouldn't be so awkward. Please don't ruin anything, forget he's here because if Ben notices, he will cause a scene and I am so close to a new deal with Mary's company.'

It was an incredulous expression that Anna offered her best friend in response. 'Ben would recognise John from that night at the restaurant, so it is my intention to keep him on this side of the room. Do you think I am mad?'

'Do you really want me to answer that?'

As the night passed by, Anna had succeeded in her attempts to keep John out of sight of Ben. They were sharing a pleasant evening all told, Gwen monopolising the conversation discussing her latest business deals, Ben offering gentle advice here and there. Gwen was a good actress, and for the hate she felt for the man given how he had treated Anna, she was good at being civil towards Ben.

Making his excuses to use the bathroom, Anna announced she would buy the next round. So far, so good. As she waited for the barman, Anna felt a presence beside her. Expecting to turn her head and see her husband, a gasp escaped her as she saw John. She looked back to the table quickly, noting Ben and her best friend deep in conversation, his back to the bar. There was no way he could see them unless he turned and manoeuvred a little.

'Ben knows you from that night at the restaurant when your wife caused a scene,' Anna whispered, not looking at him. 'He saw us holding hands. He'll recognise you.'

'Alright, I won't stay. Robert is talking to Mary so I saw you alone at the bar and saw my chance to speak to you.' He leant down so his lips were right next to Anna's ear, his voice leaving him in hushed tones. 'I couldn't let tonight pass without telling you how breathtaking you look, an angel in human form.'

The sensation of his warm breath caressing her ear, his words had caused Anna to close her eyes. When she opened them, he was gone. The man always knew what to say, and the sincerity in his voice left Anna wanting him even more. The most Ben had said was that she looked 'nice.' And in that moment, Anna knew she had to tell Ben the truth. It wasn't fair on him, it wasn't fair on John and it certainly wasn't fair on herself.

* * *

'So I'm lumbered with a list of things to do to the house as long as my arm, whilst my darling wife is sunning it up in California.' Robert stopped talking, suddenly realising his friend wasn't listening to him but busy staring across the room instead. 'But you know, I might just burn the house down and be done with it.'

'Yeah, probably for the best, mate.' Reaching for his drink, John finally looked at Robert who was staring back at him, shaking his head. 'What?'

'You haven't been listening to a word I have said, have you?'

'Sorry mate, I was, well,' John's voice faltered as he brought his glass to his lips.

'You were lusting over another man's wife.'

'What's going on?' John asked, gesturing towards Anna's table with his glass. She and Ben seemed to be sharing quite a heated discussion, however both men were too far away to hear what was being said. Gwen was looking on, her demeanour awkward before she left the table and the the warring couple to it. Ben was close to Anna's face as he spoke, however it was anything but friendly. 'I've got to get over there.'

'Sit down,' Robert took hold of John's sleeve. 'It's none of your business.'

Harshly staring at his friend, John reluctantly sat down. As he did so however, Ben stormed out of the room, leaving Anna alone, a hand on her brow.

'How can he treat her like that?' John asked his friend, unable to stop looking at Anna.

'I don't know, mate.'

'She does nothing to deserve it.'

'As is the case in most of these situations.'

John slowly turned his head to look at Robert. 'I just want to make her happy.'

Robert patted John's hand across the table. 'I know you do.'

Just then, Anna stood and followed in the direction Ben had left in. This time, Robert was too slow to stop him as John strode across the room and out into the lobby. Looking left and right, John creased his forehead as he saw the area deserted until a flash of red by the stairwell caught his eye. Anna had worn a red dress this evening.

Tentatively walking in that direction, just in case Ben was with her, John reached the stairs. Out of sight, he saw she was alone. He stopped for a moment, leaning against the bannister, watching her pace the floor with her arms crossed across her body. He decided to make his presence known.

'You aren't half beautiful when you're angry.'

Anna looked up upon hearing his voice, instantly ceasing her pacing. She offered him a slight smile, before launching herself into a rant, John a keen observer.

'How dare he talk to me like that, in front of my best friend as well.'

'What happened?'

Anna met John's gaze, swallowing thickly. 'He got upset when I wouldn't commit to trying for a baby.' She looked to the floor before continuing. 'What he said next isn't worth repeating.'

Taking a step closer, John placed his index finger under Anna's chin, gently lifting her head so their eyes could meet. 'You don't have to stay anymore. Give him the papers, let's go. Let's go build a home. Let's start our own family. Let me make you happy every day for the rest of your life. Please.'

It sounded wonderful, what John was proposing. The life Anna had always wanted but had always been out of reach. And now here he was, the man of her dreams and he held all her wishes and desires in his hands. As she steadied herself with her hands on his shoulders, and raised on her tiptoes to place her lips on John's, Anna was distracted by someone standing behind him.

Suddenly all the air left her lungs. Her mouth was dry.

'Well, this is very cosy.'

It was Ben.


	12. Bittersweet

**A/N- I couldn't keep them apart any longer. Sorry. Thanks for your reviews and favourites.**

 **Disclaimer- Downton belongs to ITV/ Julian Fellowes/ Carnival.**

* * *

 **Present Day**

'So you want to give her a new life do you?' Ben spat, Anna and John moving apart as he closed the gap between them. 'Start a family together?'

'Ben, don't,' Anna said weakly, looking at John out of the side of her eye. 'Not here. Let's go somewhere quiet and talk about this.'

He released a cynical laugh at his wife's suggestion. He met John's gaze, the older man not wavering. 'Who are you anyway, to be making such improper suggestions to another man's wife?'

'You don't even deserve to have the right to call Anna your wife.'

'What, and you do?'

Just as John began to reply, Anna interrupted him. 'John, let's not do this here.'

Something clicked in Ben's mind. He flitted his gaze from John then back to Anna, before focusing on John once more. 'Ahh right, so this is the mercurial John. The man who broke your heart.'

'Not by choice,' John said in his defence. 'There is more to it than what actually transpired. Anna knows the truth now. She knows I never stopped loving her and I never will.'

'And do you love him?' Ben asked Anna, she looking up at him sheepishly, her arms folded across her body.

'Yes,' she whispered, closing her eyes. Despite it all, Anna didn't want to cause Ben any pain. 'I do. I never stopped.'

Ben's expression was incredulous as he turned on his heel, looking to the heavens. 'I gave up everything for you Anna, because you wanted to come home. '

'I know, and I was so grateful. But you haven't let me forget it since the day we came back to Yorkshire. You resent me because we left Australia. You're cold, mean and I'm not happy anymore.'

'What are you saying?'

Anna remained silent, not wanting to do this here. Even though she was somewhat relieved Ben knew the truth now, she didn't want their private business to be resolved in the lobby of a hotel.

'Let's go somewhere less public, we need to talk.'

'I'm not letting you go anywhere alone with him, Anna.'

John's words seemed to ignite Ben's temper even more, he moving towards Anna, his hand outstretched with the intention of taking hold of her arm. However, John was quick to block his path, standing in front of Anna and coming face to face with her husband.

'What are you going to do, old man?' Ben mocked, gesturing towards John's cane. 'You can barely stand up straight.'

John clenched his jaw before replying, his tone level and composed and showing not an ounce of fear. 'I may not look like much of an opponent, but if you lay one hand on her I will make you wish you'd never been born.'

He was slightly taller than Ben, and he must have appeared an intimidating figure as the other man backed away. He shrugged his shoulders, looking behind John to see Anna behind him. 'Anna, I want to talk to you alone.'

'No chance,' John was quick to reply. 'You've got previous, I mean it when she is going nowhere alone with you.'

'Can the woman not speak for herself?' Exhaling a heavy breath, John stepped reluctantly aside. 'Anna?'

'John's right.' Anna said weakly, staying slightly behind John as if he was her protection. She supposed he was. There was no way this was going to end well, not with the mood Ben was in now. 'When you're like this, I don't know what you are capable of. Not anymore.'

'Come on, Anna. It's me. Ben. The man you fell in love with under the stars on Bondi Beach. The person who mended the heart this man supposedly shattered.'

'You aren't the man I fell in love with anymore. And my heart wasn't properly mended until I found John again.'

'So that's it? You still love him and we're over?'

'I'm sorry Ben,' Anna's voice trembled, but it was the truth.

'Been having your way with her as well, I suppose,' Ben sniggered towards John, 'she hasn't been up for it with me because she'd been coming home to my bed from yours, eh?'

'No Ben, we haven't slept together,' Anna said in John's defence before adding, 'I thought you'd have a little bit more respect for me than that.'

'Anna?' All three looked towards the doors that lead to Mary's party, Gwen marching out of the room. 'What's going on?'

'Gwen, come and join the party,' Ben exclaimed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 'My wife is just telling me she's in love with another man, but I bet you already knew that.'

Furrowing her brow, Gwen turned her gaze from Ben to Anna. 'You alright?'

Anna nodded, although her face betrayed that gesture. 'Why don't I come to the house tomorrow afternoon? We can talk about it then. I'll bring Gwen with me.'

'You know what, do what you want,' Ben replied. He stepped a little closer to John, prodding his chest with his index finger. 'You're welcome to each other.'

And with those words, Ben left the hotel. It was then that Anna let her emotions leave her, she collapsing into John's arms as Gwen tried to make sense of the situation. 'So that's it?'

'I very much doubt it,' John answered, 'but at least he knows now. That bit is over with.'

'Come home with me, Anna,' Gwen suggested, reaching for her friend's hand. 'Then I'll take you to see Ben tomorrow and we can get this mess sorted out.'

'And don't you think your place is the first place Ben would start looking for her?' John argued, turning to face Gwen with an arm still placed around Anna's shoulders. 'You saw him. He's volatile and unpredictable. I'm not even sure about the two of you going around there tomorrow alone.'

'So, what are you suggesting, Officer?'

Gwen's sarcastic tone annoyed John somewhat, but he carried on regardless. 'Anna come back with me tonight.'

'She'll be alright with me.'

'He's hurt her before and that was when he didn't know she was leaving him. Now he does, who knows what he'll do. I've seen it too many times before. Ben doesn't know where I live so Anna will be safer.'

'I'm grateful Gwen, but John's right. I'll come to yours tomorrow morning and we'll go and see Ben together. Sort this out. I can grab some stuff too.'

'I'm coming too,' John said without missing a beat, 'even if it's to sit in the car outside the house.'

Gwen wasn't happy about the situation, but she relented knowing she wasn't going to convince Anna to come with her. She pointed at John. 'Just make sure you look after her.'

'Always.'

* * *

The drive back to John's house was a relatively silent one. Although relieved they were now out in the open, Anna felt a sense of fear as to what Ben would do next. She knew staying with John was the right thing to do, however. He was her life now, and the sooner they got on with their lives together, the better.

'You can have my bed,' John said as they crossed the threshold. 'The spare rooms don't have beds and are mainly used for storage. I'll take the sofa.' He closed the door with a click. Anna still hadn't answered him. 'Are you okay?'

'Yes,' Anna replied softly, shrugging out of her coat and handing him her coat. 'But I'll take the sofa, John. You're over six foot and have an injured knee. I won't let you sleep on a five foot sofa whilst I have a king sized bed to myself.'

'You're not going to let me change your mind, are you?' He smiled at her, she reciprocating.

'No.'

'I'll go and get you some blankets and something to change into.'

And now that was where she found herself. Almost three hours after saying goodnight to John, Anna was lying wide awake on his sofa. He had given her one of his shirts, the size of him meaning it hung loosely around her body. She wasn't comfortable. The gentle tick of the clock almost taunted her, it reading nearly three in the morning and sleep the furthest thing away. An exchange of texts with Gwen had dried up, she obviously falling asleep but not before promising to find Anna some clothes to change into when she and John arrived in the morning. The spontaneity of the situation hit home. But she couldn't have gone back with Ben this evening. Not now so much had changed.

It was then she heard what sounded like footsteps. A shadow passed by the frosted glass of the living room door. John must be up. Anna needed to see him, anything to break the monotonous insomnia she was suffering.

Out in the darkness of the hallway, the light from the kitchen was almost blinding. Anna could make out John at the sink, pouring himself a glass of water. Treading the floor of the hallway towards him, as her vision came into focus Anna saw he was only wearing his pyjama trousers, his upper body revealed to her. He still possessed the generous spread of hair upon his chest that Anna had always loved and although his figure was trimmer the first time around, the sight of his naked torso still affected her the same way it had back then.

Turning to leave the kitchen, John was stopped in his tracks by the sight of Anna in the doorway. She looked nothing short of magnificent in one of his old buttoned shirts, and not much else. He was struck dumb, however his mind was suddenly filled with a memory from their first time together, when Anna had come to see John after she had finished work…

* * *

 _ **2002**_

 _John heard the incessant ringing of his doorbell, wondering who on Earth could be so desperate to see him and how they could have got into the building without buzzing up to him first. Opening the door, he was taken aback to see his very wet and very annoyed looking girlfriend on the other side._

' _Anna, what the…'_

' _Someone on the fourth floor was coming in so they took pity and let me in with them,' Anna interrupted, crossing the threshold into the flat. 'I fancied surprising you with a visit seeing as Gwen has cancelled on me for tonight and then the heavens opened up on me on the way.'_

' _Let me take your coat,' John offered, Anna turning around and allowing him to assist her. 'Why didn't you call me to come and get you?'_

' _It would have ruined the surprise,' Anna shrugged, now free of her sodden coat._

' _Better that than you catching a chill. Do you want a shower?'_

' _Sounds lovely but I've no spare clothes with me.'_

' _You can borrow a shirt whilst these dry out.' John gestured towards the bathroom. 'You know where everything is. I'll leave you a shirt on the bed.'_

 _Leaning up on her tiptoes, Anna placed a kiss on John's cheek. 'What would I do without you?'_

 _He smiled. 'Hopefully you'll never have to find out.'_

 _Whilst Anna had her shower, John prepared them some soup and bread to have for supper. Just as he was serving the meal into bowls, John's attention was caught by movement to his right hand side. Turning his head, he suddenly forgot how to breathe as the vision of Anna in one of shirts took over his senses. She looked simply divine, seeing Anna standing there in one of his shirts surprisingly turning John on like she never had before._

' _I've hung my wet clothes up to dry in the bathroom. Alright?' Anna asked him, confused by his current demeanour. She continued to rub her wet hair with a towel as John closed the distance between them. 'John?'_

 _Taking her in his arms, John lifted Anna from the floor and crashed his lips against hers. The towel was dropped to the floor as Anna became lost in the kiss, wrapping her legs around John's hips and tangling her fingers in his hair._

' _What's got into you?' She murmured when they broke the kiss, both panting for breath._

' _You in my shirt. It's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.'_

' _Really?' Anna gasped, brushing her lips against his._

' _Well, one of the sexiest things. I am of course doing an injustice to your very beautiful naked form.'_

' _Is that so?'_

 _John growled in response before resuming the kiss, beginning to walk them in the direction of his bedroom. Supper was the furthest thing from his mind._

* * *

 **Present Day**

The atmosphere was electric as John and Anna stood, unable to avert their gaze from the other. Anna made the first move, walking towards John, all the time keeping her eyes locked on his. She saw him swallow thickly, the action letting her know her current state was affecting him as much as his was her.

Now standing in front of him, Anna gently pressed her lips against the skin of John's chest. The sensations rushing through him were divine as he tilted his head back, squeezing his eyes tightly closed. She continued to move her lips across John's chest, leaving warm, open mouthed kisses on his skin. If she didn't stop soon, John wasn't sure he would be able to hold back.

'Anna,' he gasped, 'we shouldn't.'

She lifted her head to look at him, her eyes half lidded. 'Why shouldn't we? Ben knows, I've left him. I am going to divorce him. I'm yours. I always have been.'

With those words, Anna moved her lips to John's neck. She certainly knew what she was doing, obviously remembering how kissing John in that area used to affect him. As her hands came to rest on his sides, the feel of her skin on his, John felt any lasting resolve he had completely crumbling.

It was then that John took possession of Anna's lips with his own, reaching down to touch the skin of her bare thigh. 'Alright. But not here,' John managed to say between kisses. 'Let me take you to bed.'

Anna took his hand, and allowed him to lead her to his bedroom. Once the door was shut, she began to unbutton the shirt he had leant her, letting the garment fall to the floor. John couldn't take his eyes from her as Anna stood before him in just her underwear, fifteen years of ageing seemingly having no effect on her body whatsoever. She always had been breathtaking, and to John she always would be.

'You are so beautiful,' John whispered to Anna, taking a strand of her golden hair between his fingers, his other hand coming to rest on hip. 'I don't deserve a second chance, but God knows I am going to strive to be worthy of it.'

Anna rested her forehead against John's, pressing her naked upper body to his. 'Remind me why I have missed you so much.'

John took Anna's hand in his and lead her to the bed, laying her down and removing his pyjama trousers before half covering her body with his. John made sure Anna could feel the effect she was having on him, grinding his lower half down against her.

'Are you sure about this?' John asked her, not wanting her to do anything she didn't feel comfortable with. It had been that way the first time around, and it was still the case.

'Yes,' Anna answered him, running her index finger along his jaw line. 'I love you.'

Allowing a grin to pass over his lips at her voicing her feelings, John continued to kiss Anna whilst letting his hands wander, learning her anew. She really was flawless, and suddenly John wondered how he ever shared his bed with another woman. Anna was his one and only, his soul mate and he felt his eyes sting with tears because they had found each other once again.

'I don't deserve you,' he repeated over and over in a low whisper as his lips followed the trail of his hands, kissing her breasts before moving lower to her stomach. Chancing a glance towards Anna, he saw her eyes were closed, soft gasps leaving her. 'Are you okay?'

'I need you, John.'

He felt all the hairs stand up on his neck, having dreamt of hearing those words from Anna again a million times in the years they had been apart. With a silent look of approval between them, John placed his fingers inside the waistband of her underwear and pulled them gently down her thighs. He removed his own, dropping both items of clothing on the floor beside the bed.

Lifting himself to the top of the bed, John lay beside Anna, resting his hand on her hip. It hadn't gone unnoticed by him that Anna was looking down, obviously drinking in the sight of his naked body bared to her.

'I know. Age has been kinder to you.'

Anna chuckled at his words, not the response John had been expecting. 'I wouldn't say that, certain parts seem to be in the same perfect condition as they were when you were thirty eight.'

'Still have the odd cheeky remark to offer, I see,' John replied, joining in with her laughter.

'I was actually looking at your knee,' Anna admitted, 'I haven't seen it before.'

'Oh right. Vera hated it.'

'Well I don't,' Anna assured him, this time it was her turn to move down the bed. John watched in awe as she came to a stop by his wound, she pressing her lips to the skin that had been torn by the bullet. The gesture almost broke John's heart, he looking down at her with an adoring gaze. 'It's a part of you. And I love all of you.'

'I love you too.'

She looked up at him then wearing a positively delicious grin. 'Is it painful, when you, you know?'

John arched an eyebrow. 'When I what?'

'You know what.' Anna giggled bashfully, returning to lay beside John.

'No, it just feels awkward,' John finally answered her, 'so if you wanted to,' John inhaled deeply before continuing, 'take the initiative so to speak, then be my guest.'

Anna caught on to his meaning, looking to his midriff, his arousal clearly evident. Without another word, Anna moved to straddle John, leaning down to meet his lips in another kiss. 'Is this what you were alluding to, Sergeant Bates?'

'You might be somewhere in the neighbourhood, Miss Smith.'

'Are you sure?'

'God yes.' With his hands on her hips, John could only watch as Anna rose above him before sinking down, taking him fully within her. His appreciative groan harmonised with Anna's as they both adjusted to being joined together. He sat up then, pressing kisses to her breasts as she rested her hands on his shoulders. Anna began to gently grind her hips against John's. 'Christ Anna, you feel so good.'

'I've missed this, John. Promise me you won't leave me again.'

'I promise.'

They let go then, Anna driving them on from her position on top. She fell over the edge first, collapsing against John as he with one final thrust followed her. They moved back against the bed, Anna laying atop of John as their haggard breath filled the air. John held Anna tightly against him, her head resting upon his chest.

After a few moments, Anna broke the silence between them. 'I'm going to let Ben have the restaurant.'

John hadn't been expecting her admission, taking a few seconds to reply. 'If you're sure.'

'I want to soften the blow.'

'You don't owe him anything, Anna.'

'I know. But I want to make this as easy as possible.'

'Okay. I'll take you and Gwen over to see Ben and wait outside.' Anna opened her mouth to protest before John interrupted her. 'I don't trust him, Anna. From now on I am going to make sure you are safe, starting with giving him the papers tomorrow.'

Anna nodded, before releasing a yawn. 'I'm so tired.'

'Then sleep, my love. But before you leave me, how long do you want to wait before we go over to Ireland?'

'I don't see any reason in delaying. Give me a week to prepare myself and let people know, then lets do it.'

'Whatever you want.'

'Thank you, John. For everything.'

'You have nothing to thank me for,' John replied, but Anna's gentle snores reached his ears letting him know she was asleep. John knew with her in his arms, tonight would be the most peaceful night he had had in years.


	13. Glory Days

**A/N- At the moment, I am having to grab time as and when to update my fics so they may seem a bit slapdash for a while. I see writing as an escape, so any free time I have to get something down, I am taking. Thanks for your continued kind words and reviews. It means a lot.**

 **Disclaimer- Nothing belongs to me...**

* * *

 **Present Day**

Anna shut the door of John's car behind her, looking up at the house she shared with her husband. It was a beautiful property, she remembered when they found it she and Ben couldn't believe their luck. It was perfect. Everything seemed so hopeful then. Ben was seemingly happy to have done this for Anna at the time, to both give up on their separate Australian adventures to come home. They had bought the restaurant, had money in the bank from the successful bar they had managed together back in Oz. Little did they know then that their new venture wouldn't be half the success of the one that they had left behind. And in time, Ben changed too.

The restaurant struggling, he began to take his frustrations out on Anna. It was small things at first. A snide comment here and there about leaving Australia, back handed compliments. Soon it turned into full on ranting, his words insinuating that he blamed Anna for the failings of the restaurant. He would leave for hours at a time, perhaps a day. Then he would come back home, begging for forgiveness and Anna granted him it. The truth was, she felt guilty as it was down to her they were back in England when Ben would rather be back at their bar on the beach.

Then the incident at New Year happened and Anna realised Ben wasn't the man she had fallen in love with anymore. Ben had never come close to making her feel the way John had, but he had swept Anna off her feet in the beginning. He was tall, athletic and good looking and at the start, would make Anna feel like the only woman in the world. Of course, John came back into her life and she doubted she had ever actually been in love with Ben. He had always been second best, in her heart and mind at least. John had always been there.

'Shall we get this over with, then?'

Anna looked to her left to see Gwen standing beside her. She nodded, Gwen walking on ahead. Something made Anna look back inside the car, John staring intently up at her from his position in the driving seat. He had insisted he be nearby, just in case. He saw that it was partly down to him if Ben turned vicious. But Anna really didn't think Ben had it within him to do anything too drastic.

'You okay?' John had wound down the window once he noticed her staring back at him.

'Yeah,' Anna sighed, turning her head to look over her shoulder at Gwen, who was waiting half way down the gravelled driveway. She regarded John once more. 'There's no need for you to wait.'

'I'm not going anywhere, Anna,' John reiterated his stance from earlier and the night before. 'I'll drive down the road a little bit, but I'll be nearby.'

Nodding, Anna brushed a strand of hair that had fallen across her face. 'We shouldn't be long.'

'I love you,' John said in response, holding her gaze. 'Don't forget that.'

'It's the one fact that gives me the strength to do anything. I'll never forget.'

They exchanged a smile then, before John wound up the window and drove away. Anna watched as the car moved into the distance, pulling into the car park of the church just up the road. That would be where he remained, Anna surmised. Turning on her heel, Anna moved to join Gwen on the doorstep.

'Right, so we go in, give him the papers, pack you a bag and get the hell out of there. There is no room for sentimentality. You know he'll try to charm you back.'

'No chance.' Anna shook her head resolutely. 'It sounds harsh but I need to end this.'

'Good girl,' Gwen replied before lifting her hand to ring the doorbell.

Anna's heart was beating widely as they waited for Ben to make his appearance at the front door. She saw his silhouette through the frosted glass and such was her nervousness, she was sure she had stopped breathing. His behaviour was unpredictable at the moment, Anna had never been more grateful for the friend standing beside her. The notion it was scared she felt made her realise ending this was the right thing to do. No woman should live in fear of the man she called her husband.

The door opened, and Anna shifted upon the sight of her husband. He was still wearing the same clothes as the previous evening, sans the tie and jacket. His shirt was untucked, his hair ruffled and his eyes red. It was obvious he hadn't slept and had possibly been drinking.

'Anna,' he murmured, his voice gruff yet his tone level. 'And Gwen.' He stepped aside, opening the door a little wider. 'Come in, please.'

Furrowing her brow at his calm demeanour, given his mood when he had left the hotel last night, Anna stepped over the threshold, Gwen following. It didn't feel right walking in like she still lived here, especially after what had happened with John only a few hours ago. Anna waited by the stairs as Ben shut the door, waiting for him to indicate where he would like the conversation to take place.

'Shall we go to the kitchen?' Ben suggested, pointing down the hall way.

Something suddenly occurred to Anna, the reason why they were here. 'I just need to grab something from the bedroom. Is it okay to go up there?'

'Anna, this is your house. You don't need my permission,' Ben replied, rubbing the back of his neck. 'I'll wait with Gwen for you in the kitchen.'

'Okay?' Anna asked her friend. Gwen nodded, following Ben down the hallway as Anna ran up the stairs. She walked into the bedroom, not surprised to see it hadn't been touched since she had left it the previous evening given Ben's current state. Treading the floor towards her dresser, she opened the bottom drawer. After shifting a few items, she pulled out the envelope that held the divorce papers. Eyeing her reflection in the mirror, Anna realised it was time.

Joining Gwen and her husband in the kitchen, their conversation stopped dead as they realised she was there. The gentle whistle of the boiling kettle was the only sound as Anna moved further into the room. Anna noticed Ben's gaze drift to the envelope she was holding in her hands.

'You don't need to tell me what those are,' Ben said, his voice cracking slightly.

'I'm not happy,' Anna shrugged, almost feeling a sense of relief in the knowledge this was finally happening. 'I haven't been for a while and life is too short to live like this anymore.'

Ben turned his head to look out of the kitchen window, clenching his jaw. 'Gwen, can I have a moment alone with my wife?'

'No way am I leaving her,' Gwen argued, shaking her head. Ben closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly at her rebuttal and something within Anna calmed. He seemed broken. Anna realised he probably deserved to have his voice heard, not that it would change anything.

'I'll be alright,' Anna assured her friend. 'If you wait in the living room, I'll be alright.'

'Okay, but no closing doors,' Gwen reluctantly relented, rising to her feet. She placed a hand on Anna's forearm, offering her a firm stare before disappearing down the hallway, turning right into the living room. Anna sat at the table, placing the envelope down on the surface. Ben was still looking away, his hands gripping tightly onto the counter behind him.

'What did you have to say?'

Ben turned his head slowly, meeting Anna's gaze. His eyes were filled with unshed tears and Anna suddenly realised she had never seen him cry before. A tear trickled down his cheek, Anna had to look away. For all that had passed between them in the last few months, it still hurt to see him upset.

'This is all my fault,' he finally said.

'Not entirely,' Anna shook her head, looking down at the grain of the wooden table, tracing the lines there with her index finger. 'If we'd stayed in Australia, you wouldn't have changed and we'd probably still be happy running that bar.'

'Or if that John had never found you again.'

'We were already breaking before John came into the restaurant that night. You resented me because I asked you to come home.'

'Never…'

'Yes you did,' Anna interrupted, 'your manner towards me had begun to change. You instigated arguments at the drop of a hat when we had never exchanged a cross word in Australia.'

Ben joined her at the table then, reaching for her hand before Anna snatched it away. He visibly started at that, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. 'You never stopped loving him, did you?'

Moving her gaze downwards, Anna nodded solemnly. 'He was always there, even though he broke my heart.'

'I could tell,' Ben said, Anna rather surprised to hear his admission. 'I'd catch you in a daydream sometimes and it was obvious you weren't thinking of me. I'd always feel a nuisance when I brought you back to the present with an arm around your waist, or a kiss to your cheek. You always seemed like you'd been caught doing something you shouldn't.'

'Sorry.'

'But he completely shattered your heart, and not once did I think you'd ever see him again, or worse still, realise you still wanted to be with him. I came to terms with being second best long ago because of that, and also because you had me head over heels.'

Anna was dumbfounded she had been that obvious. It was now apparent why Ben was angry when John had come into the restaurant that night. He had always known her heart didn't truly belong to him. Before she had a chance to voice a response, Ben was speaking again.

'But he shattered your heart, Anna. Can you really forget that? Did you mean it when you told me that night, under the stars on the beach in Australia, that I had healed you? That I was the reason you could smile again?'

Thinking back to that time, Anna closed her eyes and she was right back on that beach in Ben's arms. The arms that at the time made her feel protected, like she could face the world again…

* * *

 **2003**

 _The sound of the waves a few yards away was calming, Anna hadn't felt so relaxed or stress free in such a long time. She had been in Australia for nearly nine months now, and sitting on the beach at night was her favourite pastime. However the past couple of months, it had been extra special._

 _Ben. He was gorgeous. They had met one evening when she was strolling along the beach after her shift at the bar. He had just been surfing with a couple of his friends, they walking back to their truck with their boards under their arms. He had smiled, and Anna had felt herself blush. Under a mop of wet blonde hair, he possessed the most beautiful blue eyes. His chiselled jaw was covered in a light smattering of stubble. It was clear from his surfing attire that he took care of himself. Anna was intrigued, her attention piqued further when she discovered he too had emigrated from Yorkshire._

 _A hello between the pair turned into a dinner invitation. And now a few weeks down the line, they had become very close. Kisses had been exchanged, words of affection had passed between the two and when she never thought she would after John, Anna felt hopeful she could love again. As she turned to look at her companion beneath the blanket of stars above, perhaps she already did._

' _I've had a lovely evening,' Ben murmured, breaking the stillness between them. 'Mind you, every moment I spend with you is lovely.'_

 _Giggling upon hearing his words, Anna moved to gently lean against his muscular frame. 'You're too sweet, Ben Gallagher.'_

' _And you're too bloody, beautiful Anna Smith. Much too beautiful for the likes of me to deserve to be courting you.'_

' _Get away with you, you could have your pick of any woman. You're charming, good looking, wonderful company…'_

' _Well, it's you I want to spend my time with,' Ben interrupted, placing his index finger under her chin and turning her head to meet his gaze. His eyes hovered from Anna's to her lips, he leaning forward in the next moment and pressing his lips against hers. It was a brief kiss, but it was filled with enough sincerity and passion to make Anna fall deeper for this man. 'I don't know who he was, the man who broke your heart. But he was a fool, Anna.'_

' _Let's not talk about him,' Anna whispered, resting her hands on Ben's shoulders. 'Here and now is what is most important. Since I met you, I suddenly feel like my heart is mending. Because of you I can smile again.'_

' _I want to be there for you, Anna.'_

' _I want that too…'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

'I can change Anna. I promise. Please don't leave me, I need you.'

This time, Anna did let Ben take her hand. She took in the sight of him across from her at the table. His cheeks were tear stained, his eyes were pleading. Ben may have needed her, but it wasn't this man that Anna needed. The man she needed was waiting for her outside. And she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

'It wasn't John's fault, you know,' Anna revealed, Ben loosening his hold on her hand. 'He was made to break up with me, by my Dad. Dad threatened to ruin his career if he didn't break off our relationship.'

Ben bowed his head. 'I knew that.'

Anna could barely believe what she was hearing. All this time Ben had known as well that John hadn't broken up with her of his own accord. When did her father tell him? She suddenly felt sick. Pulling her hand away from his, Anna stood up.

'I've got to go.'

'Anna, I'm so sorry…'

'Save it, Ben.' Anna tucked the chair under the table. 'I trust you'll sign those papers.'

Seemingly resigned to his fate, Ben began to nod slowly. 'Where shall I send them to?'

Not wanting to give away her location, Anna considered his question for a moment. Ben seemed the furthest thing from violent, and if she came back just to pick up the papers and not enter the house, she couldn't see the harm.

'I'll come and pick them up in a couple of days, before you go to work. Say about eleven?'

'Alright.'

'Are we done in here?'

Gwen appeared at the kitchen door then, Anna turning to regard her friend. 'We are. Let's go and grab some of my things before we leave.'

After throwing some of her essential belongings into a bag as quickly as they could, Anna and Gwen left the house without saying a word. They walked down the drive way, the sound of John's engine starting a few hundred yards away catching both of their attentions.

'What did he say?' Gwen asked as they stopped walking to wait for John to drive the car towards them.

'He knew what my Dad did, all along.'

'What?' Gwen gasped, 'what a bastard.'

'Quite.'

'So what happens now?'

'I'm picking up the papers in a couple of days.'

'On your own?'

'Yeah,' Anna turned her head to see John come to a stop beside them. 'He won't do anything.'

'Hmm…'

Anna opened the boot and placed her bag inside before closing it again. 'I'm a big girl, Gwen.'

'I'm coming Anna, whether you like it or not.' Anna simply rolled her eyes before walking to the front of the car.

'What happened?' John asked as soon as Anna opened the front passenger door. She got inside the car before replying, Gwen getting into the back of the car behind her.

'I gave him the papers and I'll go back and collect them in a couple of days after he's had a chance to look at them and sign.'

'On your own?' John questioned as he started to move the car. 'I'm working so I can't come with you.'

'Yeah, I'll be fine. He's harmless,' Anna shrugged. 'I'll just grab the papers and go straight away.'

'I'm not so sure…' John started to say before Anna interrupted him.

'His behaviour has been unpredictable recently but talking to him just then, he seemed to accept it had been coming a long time. I'll be fine.'

'I'll go with her John,' Gwen said from behind them. 'Whether she likes it or not. We are only looking out for you, Anna.'

'Oh alright,' Anna exhaled heavily, shaking her head. 'Can we talk about something else now please?'

* * *

After he had arrived home from work, Anna followed John upstairs and joined him in the bedroom as he got changed out of his work uniform. She was wearing shorts and a vest top after a shower, having given the house a clean whilst John had been working. The house was about to go on the market in preparation for John and Anna's move to Ireland, and Anna wanted it looking its best should any potential buyers come calling.

Following in the same vein as Anna's casual manner, John had put on some shorts, she encouraging him to forgo a T- shirt as she used her feminine wiles to convince him to join her for an afternoon lie down. Too much time had passed between them and Anna wanted to make the most of their second chance.

And that was where they now found themselves, John lying on his back as Anna lay curled on top of him, her knees either side of his hips, her head resting in the crook of his neck. The fingers of his right hand were playing at the hem of her shorts, his knuckles grazing the skin at the back of her thigh. They may have drifted, John wasn't sure but what he was sure of was he hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.

'I could get used to this.' John pressed a kiss into her hair. 'I missed you today.'

'Hmmm,' Anna hummed her agreement. 'How was work?'

'The usual,' John replied with a sigh. 'I'm in my own little world in that cab. I spent most of my time thinking about this gorgeous blonde with legs to die for.' Anna began to giggle as John ran a trail with his fingertips from her thigh to her knee and back again.

'Sounds like she's a keeper.'

'I'll say.'

Releasing a small chuckle in response, Anna lifted the hand that was entwined with John's, kissing each of his knuckles in turn. 'I can't wait until we get to Ireland.'

'Me either.'

'Hopefully someone takes a liking to this place sooner than later,' Anna remarked, allowing their hands to rest upon the bed once more.

'The house looks great after your hard work,' John whispered to her before placing a kiss on her temple.

'Although, it's a shame we have to leave,' Anna said, leaning up to look at his face and placing a hand either side of John's shoulders to balance herself. 'It's a lovely house.'

'We can stay here if you want…'

'No,' Anna shook her head. 'A new start is what I want. A home that we both choose and build together. I'm sure there are too many memories here for you.'

'Yeah,' John conceded her point before his lips upturned into a smirk that sent a jolt right to Anna's core. 'But we made a wonderful memory the other night, and last night as well.'

'Naughty,' Anna murmured, kissing his smirk away. In the next moment, the atmosphere changed as John sought to deepen the kiss they had been sharing. Anna pulled away to look John in the eye. 'Honestly Mr Bates, trying to seduce me in the middle of the afternoon. What would the neighbours say?'

He tightened his grip on Anna's thigh, moving his hand up slightly to kneed the skin of her bottom. 'I don't really care.'

She gasped at the sensation of his touch, resuming the kiss she had broken with added intensity. As Anna's tongue met John's, he moved his hands higher, his fingers grasping the bottom of Anna's vest. He pulled it over her back, she moving away so John could lift it over her head. Discarding the vest on the floor, Anna pressed her chest to John's, the two releasing groans as their skin touched. They stayed this way for a while, sharing kisses and intimate caresses.

When it became too much for John, he gently encouraged Anna onto her back and took control of the situation. He placed his fingers inside the waistband of her shorts and underwear, looking into her half lidded eyes for permission to continue. She touched the skin of his cheek with her palm, and John proceeded to pull her clothing down her legs, they joining her vest on the floor. Now fully revealed to him, John's lips caressed Anna's stomach before his kisses moved higher, coming to a stop at her neck. He lay his head next to hers on the pillow, his eyes focussed on the blissful expression on her face. His hand was edging downward, coming to rest at her centre and softly squeezing the skin there. Gently pushing one finger inside her, John hissed as he felt how slick Anna was beneath his fingertips.

'I'm ready for you now,' Anna told him, turning to rest her forehead against his.

The candour to her words did something to him. In the next moment, John was between Anna's thighs, his shorts joining Anna's clothes on the floor. Entwining his right hand with her left and holding her gaze, John moved his hips forward to join them.

He set a steady pace at first as they enjoyed a slow, languid kiss. John still found it hard to believe Anna had allowed him to know her in this way again, and he had made a promise to himself to savour every single moment. However before too long, their desire was heightening and John could feel his resolve slipping away.

'Anna,' he breathed into her ear as his movements increased. He bit his lip as his pleasure became all consuming. He felt like he was about to explode. 'God, yes.'

'Don't stop,' Anna begged him, John placing his free hand underneath her left knee and lifting it higher, she instantly taking him deeper. 'Please don't stop.'

Anna felt it building within her, the early stirrings of her release and it was almost more than she could take. Holding John's gaze was more important to her than breathing at the moment, the look in his eye as they made love turning her on more than anything ever had, like it always had done the first time around.

'You feel absolutely wonderful, Anna,' John told her, hearing him voice her name at a time like this only affecting her more. His voice was strained as he spoke, Anna recognising he was close to his end as well. 'Come Anna, with me. Now.'

She felt as though she was drowning as wave after wave of pleasure engulfed her. John thrust once, then twice before releasing a low moan as he reached his own end. Allowing more of his weight to fall upon her, John rested his head on the pillow next to Anna's. As they both tried to catch their breath, they remained connected and it was in these moments, neither had ever felt so in love. They belonged to one another, it was as simple as that.

'It only ever feels like that with you,' Anna revealed breathily to him, he closing his eyes as he listened. 'Please don't leave me again.'

'Never,' John assured Anna with a conviction in his tone that left her in no doubt he was hers now, indefinitely. 'I promise.'


	14. Out Of The Blue

**A/N** Thought this story deserved a chapter. Hope you enjoy if you are still following..

 **Disclaimer-** same as chapters 1 - 13

* * *

 **Present Day**

He could feel the caress of a soft hand on his chest, the soothing movements lulling him out of a restful sleep. It still felt like a dream to John. Waking up next to Anna again was more than he could have ever wished for, and Lord, had he wished for it. Many sleepless nights, with Vera's back to him, he would imagine Anna was in his arms. Her leg resting over his hips, her breath tickling his neck.

'Morning gorgeous,' he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

'Good morning,' she whispered back, stretching and pressing her body against his.

'I have to get up soon,' John realised, looking at the clock opposite and realising it said ten minutes to eight. 'Although staying here in bed with you would be worth the disciplinary for being late.'

'No way am I being the reason you get in trouble at work, John Bates.'

'Are you going to see Ben today?' John asked rather tentatively. His words hung in the air for a while before Anna answered.

'Yeah, Gwen is meeting me at half ten.'

'Right, good.'

He sat up then, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face. After a few moments, he turned and looked over his shoulder at Anna, she smirking at him as she snuggled under the covers. John shook his head.

'A lady of leisure, huh?'

Anna hummed her pleasure as John leant back a little, resting on his elbow. 'I can afford to have whole a hour more.'

'God, I wish I could stay here with you.'

His words reminded Anna of a moment back then, when they woke beside each other regularly after spending the night in one another's arms…

* * *

 _ **2002**_

 _Sunday morning. The harsh reality of the light bathing his bedroom meaning he would soon have to rise. Although John enjoyed many parts of his chosen career, working Sunday's was not one of them. Especially when in the local vicinity, the biggest crime on a Sunday would be the stealing of a neighbour's newspaper or something else just as tedious._

 _Turning his head, he looked at the beautiful young woman sleeping soundly by his side, as naked as he was. They hadn't intended on spending the night together. They never did when one of them had work early the next morning. It had been a simple evening, snuggled together on John's sofa as they watched television. She had arrived at his flat after work, absolutely shattered after the rush that came with a sale on at the shop. They were meant to have been meeting with her friends in town for dinner, John would never admit to Anna he was relieved when she revealed to him she had cancelled. As nice as Daisy and Gwen were, he knew dinner would lead on to a club and that was a situation in which John would never feel comfortable, even with Anna by his side. He'd have gone for her, however._

 _As the evening progressed, meaningful caresses had turned into passionate embraces and soon enough the television had been forgotten about. John just couldn't get enough of her. Anna had cast a spell over him, one which he hoped would never be broken._

' _I should be calling a taxi to take me home,' she had whispered in between breathless kisses, John's bulk deliciously pressing her into the sofa. The thought of Anna leaving him now left John feeling cold, desolate even. 'You have to be up early in the morning.'_

' _Stay with me,' he pleaded, resting his forehead against hers. 'Stay the night.'_

 _Anna hadn't been that hard to persuade. And now as John realised he would need to extricate himself from their little cocoon, he felt his heart break a little. She had him completely besotted. Unable to resist touching her any longer, John placed an open mouthed kiss on Anna's bare shoulder. She stirred a little, releasing a groan of protest which caused him to chuckle._

' _My love, I have to get up,' he murmured gently, her eyes flickering open. She smiled at him. 'I've got to get ready for work.'_

 _Turning slightly, she reached out her arms to wrap around his shoulders, his eyes wandering downwards to take in the sight of her upper body which had been revealed to him as the duvet slipped away. 'Five more minutes.'_

' _And we know where five more minutes will lead to,' John said against her lips as she tried to kiss him. 'You stay in bed, make yourself some breakfast. You can let yourself out when you're ready.'_

' _I don't want you to go,' Anna whined, her tone still sounding filled with sleep. John chuckled. He kissed her then, it taking little encouragement for Anna to allow him to deepen it. The sweep of her tongue across his bottom lip spelt trouble however, and John knew he would have to use all his willpower to leave now, or he never would._

 _His eyes still firmly closed after breaking their kiss, John lifted a hand to stroke her cheek. As he opened his eyes, he saw Anna's own staring back at him. Sparkling pools of blue that held so much love. Love for him. What had he done to deserve this, to deserve the love of a woman like her? It overwhelmed him. He never wanted to leave her, and was coming to realise leaving a bed he had shared with her and going against her desires was the hardest thing he had ever had to do._

' _God, I wish I could stay with you…'_

* * *

 **Present Day**

Stepping off the train he had just driven, John's heart was beating in anticipation as he reached into his jacket pocket for his mobile phone. Anna would have seen Ben by now, collected the papers that meant their life together could begin. Again. Pressing the screen, he was surprised to see no messages from Anna, but a handful of missed calls from Gwen. This didn't feel right.

Sitting on a bench on the platform, John unlocked his phone and set about ringing Gwen back. Once the call connected, it rang a couple of times before Gwen's panic stricken tone filled his ears.

'John, thank God. I thought you could use your phone at work?'

'I've been busy this morning,' John replied, 'what's up?'

'I had to cancel on Anna, something came up at work. I asked her to wait for me, but she insisted she was fine.'

'Right.' John didn't like where this was heading. 'So she went alone?' Gwen remained silent on the other end of the line, John heard her release a quivering breath. He could barely take the silence. 'Gwen!'

'I said I'd come over to the restaurant to meet her, as she has some things here to pick up and well, Andy told me Anna nor Ben had turned up.'

'Shit.' John ran a hand through his hair.

'I'm sorry, John. I should have been there.'

'Where are you now?'

'Outside the restaurant, but I've got to get back to work. God, I'm the worst friend ever.'

'You aren't,' John replied, 'it's not your fault we don't know what her husband will do next. I've got to get round there.'

'What about work?'

John didn't answer, he had already hung up. Hauling himself to his feet with the aid of his cane, John was walking as fast as he could towards the exit of the station. Nothing else in the world mattered but getting to Anna.

* * *

Sure he had probably picked up a speeding fine on the way to the house Anna shared with Ben, John was relieved to see the house in his sights. Anna's car was opposite, so she must still be here. Perhaps this didn't have to be a bad situation. They were married, had been through a lot together. Maybe they were just talking, sorting out the finer details of the divorce.

Pulling up outside the house, John was surprised to see Gwen running up the pavement towards her. He got out of the car, Gwen grabbing his upper arms as she reached him.

'He's locked them in, Anna sent me a text telling me but asking me not to reply in case Ben sees. He's begging her to go back to Australia with him and won't let her out until she agrees.'

'We've got to get in there,' John said, turning his head to look at the house. It was then that the sound of another car caught both John and Gwen's attention. John couldn't believe his eyes. It was Anna's parents, Alan and Tina. They stepped outside of the car, John could tell Anna's father had recognised him.

'Gwen,' Alan said as he walked towards them, his brow furrowed. Tina followed close behind. 'What's he doing here?'

Ben sat on the floor underneath the window. He tightened his grip on the outline of the flick knife in his pocket, a detail Anna hadn't revealed to Gwen in her message. He didn't want to do this, but if it came to it he would do anything to keep Anna as his.

'Just let me go, Ben.' Anna's shaking voice piqued his attention, he lifting his head to regard her. She was sitting on the sofa, playing with her hands in her lap. 'You can have the restaurant, you can have everything.'

'And what's the point of me having the restaurant?' He asked, walking over to her and sitting beside her on the sofa. 'The restaurant is dying, it's making next to no money. We'll be lucky to keep it going until the summer at this rate.'

'Look, you can have my savings as well. Dad funded my trip to Oz, now I know why. I have about ten grand. Just please, let me go.'

'I can't.' Anna flinched as he lifted his hand to her face, she closing her eyes as he gently stroked her cheek. 'Remember what this used to be like, Anna. In the beginning. When you told me I'd given you the strength to love again. To love me.'

Their eyes met, then a loud banging could be heard on the other side of the door. Ben rose to his feet, turning his attentions to the hallway. Anna's gasp was audible as Ben left the room and turned right towards the door. It was then Anna decided to send Gwen another message, telling her about the knife. She was typing furiously, trying to get the message written and sent.

But she was too slow.

Ben's hand came over her shoulder, snatching the phone out of her hand. The banging on the door was still continuing as Ben read her phone. His expression had turned almost manic, Anna's breathing was hard. As soon as he saw her phone, Ben would know she had told Gwen what was going on.

'Why are you texting Gwen, eh?' Ben threw the phone across the floor, it hitting the skirting boards by the television with a crash. His temper rising, Ben shoved Anna, she having to act quickly to keep her balance. He was shouting now, Anna closed her eyes as he cowered over her. She thought of John, focussed on his face, tried to imagine his voice keeping her calm as Ben spouted his bile, trying to scare her into doing what he wanted.

'He's going ballistic at her,' John yelled as he bashed on the door. He turned to Alan. 'Now do you believe me? Do you believe what he's like?'

John had tried to convince Alan and Tina what Ben had turned into, when they had nothing but good words for the man their daughter had married. Not even Gwen's testimony could do anything to convince them. But now they could hear him shouting at Anna, could hear the words he was using to address his wife.

'Alright, lets just get in there,' Alan relented, Tina had her hands over her mouth.

'Alan, please help her.'

'Just stand back,' Alan instructed his wife, standing back before launching towards the door, coming into contact with it with his shoulder. It was no use. 'I'll never do this on my own.'

Suddenly, some of John's police training came back to him. His leg be damned, they needed to get inside. It had taken this long to be with Anna again, he couldn't let anything jeopardise that. He couldn't let anything happen to her. Throwing his cane to the floor with a clatter, John inhaled a deep breath.

'Get out of the way, Alan,' John hollered, Anna's father stepping aside.

John strode as well as his leg would allow towards the door, taking hold of the door frame with each hand. He lifted his good leg, and thumped the sole of his boot against the door. It moved, but not enough. John looked at the pane of glass in the door, another idea coming to mind. Pulling his sleeve over his hand, he punched the glass, it shattering against the force of his covered fist. Reaching inside, John fiddled with the lock.

'Come on,' he yelled aloud in frustration before hearing the click of the lock. The door opened.

'Alan,' Tina screeched as her husband ran inside, followed by John, keeping up as his knee throbbed painfully.

Ben appeared at the living room door, pen knife in hand. Before he had a chance to catch his breath, Alan had noticed the knife and seen red, knocking his son in law clean off his feet, meeting his jaw with a clenched fist. John saw Anna beside the dresser on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. He bent down towards her, she falling into his arms. Gwen and Tina stood by the doorway, Gwen helping to keep Anna's mother upright. Alan's voice was the next thing they heard.

'Stay away from my daughter, you hear?'

'Are you okay?' John whispered as he helped Anna to her feet. She was gripping on to his arm so tightly her knuckles had turned white.

'Please don't let me go until we are far from here.'

'I won't let you go until you tell me to,' John assured Anna, looking over towards Ben who was flat out on his back, clutching his jaw. 'Have you signed the papers?'

'Come on, Anna,' Ben had the audacity to still plead with her. 'This got out of hand. I'm sorry. I would have never used the knife…'

'I said, have you signed the papers?'

Ben met John's gaze, maybe finally realising he had lost this one. 'Last night. They're on the kitchen table.'

Gwen disappeared, walking towards the kitchen before reappearing a few seconds later with the white envelope in her hand. 'Got them, lets go.'

'Hang on, what are you going to do?' Ben asked, grabbing Alan by the arm. 'Are you going to call the police?'

'We should,' Alan told him, as everyone left the house. 'Stay away from Anna, and I'll leave you at liberty. Go back to Australia on your own.'

'I just love her so much, Alan.' Ben's voice broke, he pinching the bridge of his nose. And I'm losing her.'

'You expect me to have sympathy for you,' Alan said through gritted teeth, prodding Ben's shoulder with his index finger, 'when you just threatened my daughter with a bloody knife?'

'Come on, Alan. You can't just swan in here and play the doting Dad again. How many times have you told me you wish you'd had a son rather than a daughter, that I'm the son you never had?'

'I'm a shit Dad,' Alan shouted, clenching his fists in anger. 'I always have been. I've put everything before Anna and her happiness. But what was never in doubt is if she needed it, I would protect her. She's my daughter, my only child. It's only today, a few minutes ago in fact, I realised I protected her from the wrong man all along. Now stay away.'

* * *

Anna and her parents sat around the kitchen table in silence as John busied himself making tea. He had five missed calls from work, but it didn't matter. They could sack him for all he cared. He and Anna were going to Ireland soon, anyway. If that was what she still wanted. He had learnt to never assume when it came to her. Everything was on her terms.

As John placed three steaming mugs of tea on the table, each person reached out to take their drink in hand. John returned to the counter to collect his drink, before the screech of the chair beside Anna echoed in the stillness of the room. John sat down and looked at Anna. Her face was emotionless. He prayed she hadn't been affected by

what occurred earlier, but he inwardly cursed himself at nursing such ridiculous thoughts. Of course she was going to be feeling the affects of being threatened with a knife, whether Ben had intended to use it or not.

'How long has Ben been like that?'

Tina's voice made Anna visibly jump, John placing a hand between her shoulder blades in an effort to soothe her.

Anna shrugged, staring at the tabletop as she spoke, gripping tightly to her drink. 'He changed since we came home from Australia. It was little things at first. Snide comments, pulling his hand away when I tried to hold it. It got worse at the turn of the year. '

'Why didn't you tell us?' Alan asked, John subtly shaking his head. Anna met her father's gaze, inhaling a deep breath.

'You are never here, what's the point in telling you anything? You haven't been there for me since I was a teenager, haven't cared for me even since I met John back fifteen years ago. The only thing important to you was protecting your precious reputation.' Anna's words were harsh and cold, but they were the truth. 'Ben told me he knew you had told John to break up with me.'

Alan's eyes went wide at Anna's revelation, obviously he still believed she didn't know. Tina bowed her head. She knew as well. In all of this, Anna had always held the notion her mother played no part in persuading John to leave her.

'You as well?' Anna whimpered, Tina nodding wordlessly. 'Why Mum? I am your daughter, why would you do that to me?'

'I'm sorry,' she exclaimed, trying to take Anna's hand in hers. Anna pulled her hand away, John wanting nothing more than to sweep her into his embrace. She was suddenly realising she had been betrayed by the two people she should have trusted the most and it made him want to weep for her.

'We thought we were doing the right thing,' Alan levelled at her, 'the age difference was…'

'The age difference meant nothing,' Anna countered, looking up at John. One look in his eyes told her he was right behind her, supporting her all the way. She continued to look at John as she spoke, her voice trembling. 'This man may be nearly seventeen years older then me, but he is also the only man I have ever loved. I wanted to spend my life with him then and I still want to spend my life with him now.' She turned to her own father then, placing a hand on John's knee. 'And this time, there is nothing you can do to stop us.'

'I know,' Alan breathed, the moment clearly affecting him. Anna had never seen Alan like this. 'I'm so sorry, Anna.'

'I don't want your apologies,' Anna rose to her feet then. 'Leave, please.'

'Anna, don't do this,' Tina pleaded, but her attempts were fruitless.

'Get out!' Anna bellowed before leaving the kitchen herself, her thundering footsteps on the stairs the next sound they heard.

'Can you not talk to her, John?' Tina asked, 'try to make her see sense?'

John didn't answer, instead choosing to move to the kitchen door. 'I'll show you out.'

* * *

It was much later when John chose to go to Anna, he deciding perhaps she needed some time alone. Work had been surprisingly understanding after John had explained the vaguest of details about what had happened. They had allowed him to use some annual leave he was owed to be here for Anna.

Having prepared a tray with a cheese sandwich and a cup of tea, John walked up to his bedroom. Pushing the lightly ajar door open, he was relieved to see she had managed to fall asleep. Deciding to leave her, he set the tray down on the dresser before turning to exit the room.

'John?'

Looking over his shoulder, John offered Anna a weak smile. 'Sorry, did I disturb you?'

'You could never disturb me,' she replied, gently patting the duvet beside her. 'Come here.'

He obliged, crossing the room and wincing only slightly as his knee complained. Taking her hand in his, John brought her knuckles to his lips and pressed a kiss there.

'How are you doing?' John knew his words were meaningless but he didn't know what else to say.

'Better now I've slept,' Anna replied, rubbing the sleep from one of her eyes. 'Safe because I'm here with you.'

'I'll never let anything bad happen to you again, Anna. I swear.'

'I know,' she assured him, squeezing his hand a little tighter. 'Have they gone?' John nodded yes. 'Good. So what now?'

'That's up to you.'

'We have the papers now. Do we give them to Robert?'

'I can drop them around there tonight,' John suggested, but Anna's expression turned to panic at the suggestion of him leaving her. 'Or I can ask him to come around tomorrow?'

She soothed instantly. 'Okay.'

'We can take things as slowly as you want, Anna. I'll do whatever you want me to do.'

'Kiss me.'

Anna had lifted a hand to tangle in the hair at John's temple. He clenched his jaw as he looked deeply into her eyes and all of a sudden it him with all the force of a speeding train. There was nothing he wouldn't do for this woman. Nothing at all. His love for her ran that deep. His heart was hers unequivocally. Forever. It always had been. And he did kiss her. Once, twice, a hundred times until she found peace in his arms, holding her through the night. It was the two of them now, against the world. John wouldn't have had it any other way.


	15. No Worries Or Cares

**A/N- I had a spare couple of hours and literally wrote this in two hours. It might show but I'll never be one of these people that reads something through 20 times or have time to write draft after draft. Hope you enjoy.**

 **Happy New Year, here's hoping 2017 is a better one. On a personal level, it can't get much worse than the start of 2016! But I'm over that now and hoping to still write stuff people enjoy. Thanks for your reviews/PM's.**

 **Disclaimer-** Nothing belongs to me...

* * *

 **Present Day**

He couldn't help it. Watching her was a habit. The way she moved, her little mannerisms, the curve of her back. Sitting down after his first shift at work for a couple of days, Anna busied herself with tidying the living room around John. She didn't need to do it, since Anna had lived there the place had always been immaculate. It had been tough to leave her after everything that had happened, but John had to do it to get back to any sense of normality after Ben's attack.

'Come and sit with me,' John murmured from his armchair, lightly patting his good knee. 'The room is spotless.'

'I know, I just feel that you've been kind enough to let me move in here, I should do a little to repay you.'

John's booming laughter was the next thing to fill the room, Anna stilling her movements to look at him over her shoulder. 'You owe me nothing, Anna.' He narrowed his gaze on her, his voice turning into a growl as he held his hand out to her. 'Come here.'

Anna smiled at his words, standing upright before treading the carpet towards him. She positioned herself on John's good knee, lifting her legs carefully and draping them over the opposite arm of the chair. Burying her head in the crook of his neck, Anna knew she would never get enough of being held by him like this as he gripped her around her waist.

'Good day?' She murmured, her fingers toying with the buttons of his polo shirt.

'It was okay, everyone hoped you were alright. They were really good about it actually.'

'Thank you for taking that time for me, I really appreciated it.'

'As I have said before, you have nothing to thank me for, Anna.'

She pressed a soft kiss to his neck then and felt his gentle hum vibrate against her lips. 'I do love you, you know.'

'And I love you.'

No more words were said for a while then, both feeling completely at peace in one another's arms. But something had been troubling John, a thought he hadn't been able to find the right time to give voice to. Although he completely understood they had betrayed Anna, John believed after their discussion the other day, both her parents deeply regretted their actions.

'What are you brooding about?'

Anna's voice startled him a little. 'How do you know I'm brooding?'

'I can hear the cogs in your head turning.' Her head remained buried in the crook of his neck. 'What is it?'

Closing his eyes, John cleared his throat before finally sharing his thoughts. 'Your parents.'

Anna shifted in his arms. 'What about them?'

'Your Mum seemed really upset in the kitchen the other day…'

'Of course she was upset,' Anna interrupted him, her tone impatient. 'I'd found out about her betrayal.'

'Years have passed though, Anna. You could see she regrets it. Your Dad too. Maybe if you arranged to meet them…'

'Absolutely out of the question.' She sat up then, meeting John's gaze. 'Do you think that's a good idea? They broke us up, set me on a path to marry a man who would always be second best. And you want me to forgive them?'

John placed a hand between Anna's shoulder blades . 'I'd never force you to do something you didn't want to, Anna. I just don't want you to have any regrets.'

'The only regret I have is that I didn't fight harder for you all those years ago. That I let you push me away. And now that we've rectified that, it's time to move forward.'

'Okay,' John rested his forehead against Anna's. 'I'm sorry for bringing it up.'

'You just want what's best for me.'

'More than anything.'

'Well, you're what is best for me,' Anna whispered, moving to place a soft kiss on John's temple. 'And I don't need anything or anyone else.'

* * *

As she left the bathroom, Anna heard voices coming from the bedroom she shared with John. After dinner, he had suggested she take a long, relaxing bath and Anna had jumped at the chance. A couple of hours had passed, Anna must have fallen asleep. She had awoken to find the water had long since cooled.

Now dry and changed into her pyjamas, intrigued she treaded the carpet towards the bedroom. Quietly opening the door, she looked to the bed where John was sitting. He had his laptop in front of him, the light from the screen illuminating his smiling features. Anna then heard an Irish accent, and she knew he must be speaking to Aidan and his family in Ireland.

'You'll have plenty of time for girls once you've finished your studies, Kyle.' John advised, his lips still wearing the hint of a smile.

'But she's so pretty, Uncle John,' Kyle explained to his Godfather, 'and clever.'

'Still, it's obvious it's important to your Mam and Dad you concentrate on your school work. And you want to make them proud, don't you?'

'Yeah, I suppose,' Kyle relented.

Anna felt her heart twinge as John offered advise to his Godson. She knew John didn't see his family as often as he would like, but she could see what an impact he had on Kyle's life, as well as that of his sister's, Isobel.

'Oh hello, I didn't see you there.'

Realising John had noticed her presence, Anna stood up straighter. 'Sorry, I just came to put my hairbrush back on the dresser.'

'No need to apologise, there is someone I'd like you to meet,' John replied, gesturing for Anna to join him on the bed. 'Kyle, is Issy there?'

'She's gone to get Dad to let him know you've called. She'll be back in a minute.'

'Okay, well,' John began, moving the laptop so Anna's face joined his in the chat window. 'This is Anna.'

'Your Anna?' Aidan asked with a smile.'

'Yes,' John nodded before glancing sideways at the woman next to him. 'My Anna.'

Before Anna had a chance to think too much about what John had just said, the sound of his Goddaughter filled the speakers of the laptop. 'Uncle John, do you like my nails?' The chat window was now dominated by the hand of Isobel, her nails painted a sparkling silver. 'Mummy did them for me.'

'Very pretty,' John chuckled, Anna laughing beside him as well. 'I'd much rather see your pretty face though, my darling.'

Isobel moved away from the camera then to sit beside her brother. 'Is that Anna?'

'Yes Issy, this is Anna. '

'Hi Isobel, hello Kyle.' Anna waved at the screen, John felt fit to burst as she introduced herself to two of the most precious people in his life.

'You're really pretty,' Isobel remarked, causing Anna to blush slightly.

'Isn't she,' John had to agree, squeezing Anna's hand out of sight of the camera.

'When are you moving over?' Kyle was next to ask, 'Mum and Dad said you are living here to begin with.'

'Soon I hope,' John replied. 'We just have some loose ends to tie up here.'

'Hello, hello.' Aidan's booming Irish burr came through loud and clear on the speakers, he positioning himself behind his son and daughter. 'Anna, I can't tell you how happy we are he dumped that shrew of a wife and found you again. Should have never let you go in the first place.'

'Yes, thank you Aidan,' John rolled his eyes, relieved Anna was finding his cousin's chiding of him humorous. How is Gill?'

'She's just grand, my friend. Out at her Zumba class at the moment.'

'Still sticking to her keep fit regime then?' John asked, remembering it had been a new years resolution of Aidan's wife to be more healthy.

'In public, yes. She asked me to keep the big slice of chocolate cake she had after dinner last night our little secret.'

Anna's text tone from across the room caused her to stand and retrieve her phone from the dresser. John continued to talk to his family as she read the message.

'Anyway, these two have homework to do and I've a mountain of ironing.'

'But Dad,' Isobel began to protest before Aidan put a stop to her moaning.

'But nothing, you'll be able to speak to Uncle John all you want in a few weeks. Now say your goodbyes.'

'Bye kids, go and do your homework.'

Kyle and Isobel waved before disappearing, leaving Aidan the only one on the screen. 'Keep me updated with how things are progressing over there.'

John lifted his head to look at Anna, she typing furiously on her phone. 'Will do, take care mate.'

Once logged off, John shut the laptop and focussed his full attention on his girlfriend. 'Alright?'

'Yeah, it's just Daisy inviting me to a little get together she's having for Will.'

'Are you going to accept?'

'I don't know,' Anna sighed, meeting John's eye. 'I'm still feeling a little delicate.'

'You should go, it will do you good to see your friends and to get out of the house.'

'Will you come with me?'

'If you want me to,' John replied without a hint of reservation.

Anna nodded. John was right, it was time to get on with life. She wanted to see her friends, but she also knew she needed the strength of John beside her to help her move on.

* * *

William and Daisy had done well for themselves, John thought as he pulled up outside their house. When he had first known Anna, it had been clear William had thought very highly of Daisy, although obvious she didn't reciprocate those feelings. But Anna had informed him he kept chipping away at her icy exterior and in the end had charmed his way into her affections.

She was now a head chef at an exclusive restaurant in town, William owned a stable which had produced a few champion racehorses. Their two daughters wanted for nothing, both very lucky to possess such wonderful parents and Anna feeling blessed to call them her godchildren.

However their children were in bed when John and Anna arrived, so the customary five pounds Anna always gave them when she saw them were put to one side to be passed on the next day.

'Come through, come through,' Daisy said excitedly as she greeted the two of them. 'It's only a small gathering, but I wanted to do something special for William seeing how he does so much for me and the girls.'

'Thank you for inviting us,' Anna replied, allowing Daisy to help her out of her coat.

'And John, how are you?'

'Very well, thank you,' John answered, Anna taking him by the hand before Daisy lead them to the living room.

'Everyone, Anna and John are here.'

Daisy's announcement caused the chatter in the room to drop, only the sound of the music playing remained. William approached them, smiling broadly.

'Evening Anna,' he said cheerfully, kissing her on the cheek. 'It's lovely to see you.'

'And you, happy birthday,' Anna held out a small blue envelope containing a gift card for one of William's favourite stores. 'It's nothing much but I hope you find it useful.'

'You didn't have to do that,' William hugged Anna again before regarding John, his arm outstretched as he offered him his hand. 'And John. How have you been doing?'

'The past couple of years have been tough,' John lifted his cane to emphasise his point then he looked down at Anna. 'But things are beginning to look up.'

'Well, I'm glad to see the two of you back together. None of Anna's friends could understand why you broke up in the first place.'

John didn't know how to respond, clenching his jaw before another guest arriving saved him, William stepping away. He moved his gaze back to Anna who stared back at him looking ever so slightly amused.

'What's so funny?'

'Now we're back together you're going to have to get used to that sort of remark.'

Inhaling deeply, John growled, 'am I now?'

Gwen approached them then, John releasing his hold on Anna's hand to go and fetch them both a drink. 'Hello girly, how you feeling?'

'Okay,' Anna answered, 'I'll get there.'

'Well maybe I have some news that might make you feel a bit better. I drove past yours and Ben's house today.'

Anna furrowed her brow. 'Why?'

'One of my clients lives a few doors down,' Gwen informed her friend. 'There is a For Sale sign up outside.'

'And that will make me feel better how?'

'That's not all. I explained how I knew someone else who lived on the same road and they said they knew you. A Mabel Lane- Fox?'

'Oh right, we used to feed her fish when she went away.' Anna shrugged. 'What did she say?'

'Well, she saw a huge moving lorry outside the house the day after what happened, then the next day saw Ben leave with two huge suitcases, getting into a taxi that specialises in taking people to the airport.'

So he'd left then. Anna felt a tinge of relief. 'At least he's gone.'

'What? Don't you think you should go and claim what's yours? There is money to be had, money that is owed to you.'

'He can have it all,' Anna answered, looking up to see John chatting to a man she didn't recognise at the drinks table. 'I want to look forward, not back.'

'You're crazy,' Gwen laughed disbelievingly, shaking her head. 'If it were me I'd be squeezing every last penny from the bastard.'

'Well, I'm not you,' Anna replied, relieved to see John walking back towards them. 'I just want to make the break as cleanly and quickly as I can.'

'Here's your drink,' John said, handing a glass of orange juice to Anna.

'Thank you.'

As John and Gwen began to converse, Anna allowed her thoughts to wander a little. Although relieved Ben was seemingly moving away, she couldn't help but feel a little melancholy when she remembered how happy they had been to find the house at the price it was going for…

* * *

 ** _2013_**

 _Ben was pacing the floor of Anna's bedroom at her parents house, the two of them finding temporary refuge there whilst they found their own place after moving back from Australia. She and Ben had a sizeable amount of savings and had viewed a number of properties in the Ripon area. The one they had seen that afternoon however had been by far their favourite._

 _A house with all the mod cons. Three bedrooms, one with an en suite bathroom, a large kitchen and dining area, a cosy living room and a huge garden Ben had suggested their children would love to play in. Ben hadn't wanted to leave Australia and had made that clear from the moment they had taken off from down under. But he had done it, as he had told Anna, because he wanted to make her happy. Her happiness was the most important thing to him._

' _Do you think they'll accept the offer?' Ben asked Anna as he came to a stop in the middle of her room._

' _They should do, it's only a couple of grand below the asking price.'_

' _If we are moving back home, I want us to have the perfect house.'_

' _If we don't get this one, we'll just keep looking,' Anna replied as Ben began to pace once again. 'I'll be happy wherever we are, as long as I am with you.'_

 _She prayed he couldn't sense the slight reluctance in her tone. Although she was happy with Ben, although she loved him there was always that light burning at the back of her mind, always a thought about how her life could have been. But this was the path her life had taken her on, and she had to concede her husband never treated her with anything but love and respect. Nothing was too much. He had given up his Australian dream for her. She could have done a lot worse than to form a life with Ben._

' _My darling, you know that's true for me as well,' Ben sat beside her on the bed, cupping her cheek. 'I am so happy I found you, I am the luckiest man in the world.'_

' _Even if I did force you into the decision to come home.'_

' _Well, let's not dwell on that,' Ben rose to his feet once more, changing the subject. 'I wonder if they'll call tonight. It's getting late.'_

 _Just then, his phone began to ring. Anna moved to sit on her knees as Ben looked at the screen. He answered, Anna frustrated to only be hearing one side of the conversation._

' _Right, okay. I understand. Alright, thank you. I'll be in touch.'_

 _Ben hung up the phone before meeting Anna's gaze, his expression unreadable. She couldn't take it. 'Well?'_

 _Waiting a beat, Ben put his phone in his pocket before a huge grin spread across his lips. 'We got the house.'_

' _What?' Anna lifted a hand to her mouth. 'We got it?'_

 _He nodded, closing the space between them. 'We have our own home.'_

 _Anna fell into his arms, the two of them overwhelmed. Although they had the time of their lives in Australia, it had never felt completely right. But this was it. Life for them began now._

* * *

 **Present Day**

Anna watched John across the room, talking animatedly to one of the guests at William's party. He had been right. it had done her good to get out this evening, It had been nice to see Daisy, and Gwen had been Gwen. Her staunchest supporter, her harshest critic. Maybe there was some substance in her suggestion Anna should go and claim what was hers. But as she kept focused on the man she loved, Anna knew she now had everything she needed.

'I forgot to tell you,' Gwen rejoined Anna, sitting beside her with a plate of precariously balanced buffet food. 'You know that Mary I did some publicity work for, she owns a string of fashion boutiques across Yorkshire and the North.'

'John's best friend's daughter,' Anna replied, 'yes I know her.'

'Well, she needs a new PA,' Gwen continued before taking a bite from a sandwich she had selected. 'Asked if I knew anyone who'd be interested.'

'Right,' Anna raised her hand in a silent rejection when Gwen offered her something from her plate. 'And do you?'

'Well, you'll be needing a job now you don't work at the restaurant anymore. This is right up your street, given your experience at the clothes shop. '

'Me?'

'Yeah, you,' Gwen stopped chewing for a moment, creasing her forehead. 'You are going to find a job, aren't you?'

'Eventually. But me and John have plans to move to Ireland. I won't be here much longer.'

'Yeah, but that was when you thought Ben was staying. Now he's left.' Her words resonated with Anna, she hadn't considered that. 'It's great money, a chance to forge a new career for yourself. You have experience in running a business. How often did you tell me back then you would love a job in the fashion industry? Here's your chance, a foot on the ladder.'

Anna would be lying to herself if she didn't admit she was interested in what Gwen was proposing. She had enjoyed working in the clothes shop, and had always thought she had an eye for fashion. Sure, as Mary's PA she would probably be answering phones and other just as mundane tasks, but she could learn on the job, pick up some tips from one of the most respected businesswomen and fashion entrepreneurs in the North of England.

'I'll talk to John and think about it, I really will.'

Gwen sighed at Anna's remark. 'Come on, Anna. This is your chance to try something new, if John loves you he'll support your decision. He's happy in his job, isn't he?'

'I think so.'

'Well then if you ask me it's a no brainer. I'll call Mary tomorrow to set up an interview.'

'No,' Anna was quick to interject, placing a hand on Gwen's forearm. 'Let me speak to John first.'

* * *

It wasn't usually Anna who was the one to struggle with sleep. But that was how she found herself this evening, the clock gently ticking to two in the morning. She had enjoyed the party, and John had been charm personified with her friends. He was hers again and she revelled in that fact. It felt reassuring to have his warmth beside her when sleep would not come.

Gwen's suggestion had given Anna pause for thought. They had agreed to go to Ireland when the threat of Ben and what he might do was looming large, but now that threat had been eliminated. He had left. The job with Mary sounded perfect. Working every day in fashion, although not directly left her feeling a sense of anticipation. She needed to speak to John, that much was for sure.

She felt a stirring beside her, realising John was waking. Anna knew he never slept the whole night through, and had been waiting for him to join her.

'You still awake?' he asked her, his voice gruff looking up at her from his position lying down.

'Can't drift off. Things on my mind.'

'What things?' John asked, turning so he was on his back. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine, just been thinking about something Gwen said to me this evening. About Ben.'

'Ben?'

'Yeah, he's selling the house and has left the area. Someone saw him going to the airport, apparently.'

'Well, that's good news isn't it?' John said, sitting up next to Anna.

Nodding her head, Anna met John's eye before continuing. 'She said something else as well.'

'Oh?'

'About a job, with Mary Crawley'

'Rob's daughter, Mary?'

'The very same,' Anna answered, 'she needs a new PA and Gwen thought the job would be right up my street.'

Allowing him a moment to process what she had just told him, Anna watched John's expression. His forehead was creased, his lips were twitching. She could tell he was thinking about what this meant for their plans for the future.

'Are you interested?'

'I think I am, yes.' John remained silent as he nodded his head, staring straight ahead. 'But if you still want to go to Ireland, then we will. It was just an idea, that was all. I can find a job over there, I'm sure.'

'I wouldn't ask you to do that, Anna,' John said, taking her hand in his. 'I never had any designs on moving home until I met you and we took into consideration the situation. Well, it's changed now hasn't it? Ben's left so there is no need for us to leave as well.'

'Seriously?'

'Yes,' he chuckled gently. 'If I'm honest I quite enjoy my job. It would have been a wrench to leave but I'd have done it for you.'

She lifted her hand to rest upon his cheek. 'I know you would have.'

'The kids will be disappointed, but if we commit to visiting a few times a year, I'm sure they'll get over it.'

'Of course we can,' Anna slipped down further into the bed, her face beaming. 'Thank you.'

'There is no need to thank me. I just want you to be happy.'

'You make me happy, I'm happier than I've ever remember being.'


End file.
